You are listening to the Design You podcast with Tobi Fairley, episode number 178.
Welcome to the Design You podcast. A show where interior designers and creatives learn to say no to busy and say yes to more health, wealth and joy, here’s your host, Tobi Fairley.
Welcome, welcome friends. I’m glad you’re here. And let me just stop and say thank you. You know what? I do this sometimes, I remember to tell you how grateful I am that you’re listening, but I am, I’m so, so grateful. And it is just such a joy to get to come here and bring content to you and interviews to you, and ideas to you week, after week, after week. So, thank you so much for being here.
Okay, so let me tell you what I have for you today. I have an interview with Laura Day. Now, she’s not the Laura Day, she even says so herself I think in the episode, that is an interior designer because there is one. They both live in New York, Laura Day the designer actually is from Arkansas. But this Laura Day is not her. This Laura day is an intuitionist or even a psychic as some people call her. I’m going to tell you who calls her that in a second because it’s some pretty big time people.
But I told you last week when we were talking about human design that this week’s episode was also a little woo. And I didn’t know what to expect. And I’m really pretty open-minded. But I haven’t ever delved into this type of content at all. And it’s really just content about our brains. And I do deal with the brain all the time with life coaching, and business coaching, and reading and studying about the brain. So, this episode turned out to be so interesting to me and so – I don’t know – easy to really access kind of these ideas and the thinking that Laura teaches.
So, I hope you love it as much as I did. But let me tell you first a little bit about Laura and then I’ll be quiet and let you hear the interview. So, Laura has spent nearly four decades helping individuals, organizations and companies harness and develop their innate intuitive abilities to create profound change. And News Week calls her the $10,000 a month psychic, adding that when business people need a crystal ball they turn to consultant, Laura Day, the intuitionist.
The Independent dubbed her the psychic of Wall Street. Pretty cool. So, she’s spent nearly four decades helping all of these people really, really understanding, demystifying their intuition and really bringing this concept into the mainstream in her work. She’s written many, many books. And she’s always – and she tells us about this in this episode. She’s always crossing over and working with people in the fields of business, and science, and medicine, and personal growth and it’s really, really cool.
So, we get into all sorts of things in the episode talking about things like dealing with crisis. We’ve all just been through a pandemic. We just talk a whole lot about the brain and how it works, and how you can start to understand your intuition at a different level too and use it to access a different version of your life. And I just really, really find it fascinating. I hope you do as well so enjoy this interview with Laura Day.
Tobi: Hey Laura, welcome to the Design You podcast. I am really – I don’t know – I always say excited but today I’m even kind of intrigued because you do something that I’ve never really explored before. So, welcome and tell everybody who you are and what you do because it’s just fascinating. And I know today is going to be a really, really interesting show.
Laura: So, I’m the author of six books on intuition. And what the not so nice word, and not only not nice because I think it kind of doesn’t mean anything for an intuitive, is a psychic. But actually, these are skills that all of our minds have that are helpful in everyday things. I tend to focus on business, on education, on medicine. These are abilities that we all have all the time. I began as a test subject in the early 80s when universities and the military were very interested in what are the extended capacities of the human mind.
So, can our mind really view a remote location based on coordinates? Can we tell the future with any degree of accuracy? Telepathy, which is mind to mind communication, does that exist? And as a matter of fact, there is a huge body now of conclusive research, once again at the university and military level that shows us that your mind, not just my mind, your mind is far more able to do things that you thought were in the realm of magic.
Tobi: That is incredible. So that’s why I started that way. I’m like this is so fascinating. And most of us when we’re hearing stuff like that, if it’s not something, if it’s not a world we’ve lived in, we probably equate kind of everything you just described, like you said, not only with magic but UFOs, or out of this world experiences, or some super human like capacity. And what you’re saying is we all at some level have this available to us.
Laura: Actually, you’re experiencing it every day. And a lot of illnesses are based on how porous we are. So, I mean a simple example is you’re having a perfectly nice day. And all of a sudden you’re panicked. And you have no idea why but you note the time. Well, your daughter comes home from school and says, “Oh, third period I had the worst test, I was in a total panic.” And lo and behold that was the exact moment that you started panicking in your perfectly nice day. That’s called telepathy.
Now, what I teach people to do is identify that this is not your panic. It’s their panic for example. And then be able to send a response that’s calming. And that’s a simple example. Another example is déjà vu. Most of us have had the experience of having experienced a scene ahead of time, a day, a week, a year. So that’s another simple example of intuition. We actually – I’m going to read one of the intuitive scientific experiments and it will show you why you don’t know about all of them.
Laura: A meta-analysis of 90 experiments on the anomalous anticipation of random events. What that basically says is it’s an experiment on telling the future. They took a bunch of people, they had them hooked up so they could see what their brains were doing. They had a computer randomly generate an image and the brain registered the image before the computer had even chosen it. So, what’s really interesting is when I started in the early 80s as a test subject there wasn’t the same way of measuring when things were actually happening.
Some of the earliest experiments on telepathy, which once again is person to person communication over a distance, some of that conscious, some of that non-conscious was done in the 50s at Maimonides Medical Center. And it was filmed, this is before videotape. So, there is a full body of very convincing research that all of our minds are in communication with the world around us. In fact, even predicting events all of the time but often the sad news is it’s just more noise because we don’t know how to identify it and apply it. And that’s what I work with people on doing.
Tobi: That’s so interesting. So, I want to come back to that just more noise thing in just a second. But one question I have. So, I’ve heard before and I don’t even remember the statistics, it was some very, very, very low percentage of – is it our brain activity or our experience is conscious? Almost everything is the unconscious part of whatever our brain is, right?
Laura: Right, about 13% if you’re lucky is conscious. And so, the scariest, and I love these statistics, so I’m just going to spat a few off for you.
Tobi: Yeah, so good, okay, tell us, yeah.
Laura: So, I just scratched my head, by subconscious decided that I was going to scratch my head seven seconds before I thought of doing it or did it which means your subconscious is actually – there’s very little wingspan you have in your conscious life. And you want to expand it. 95% of our processes aren’t conscious processes. So, it is – you’re getting intuitional all the time, you, and one of my favorite examples is you’re really pissed off that your partner left a mess but you don’t want to be a drag.
So, your partner walks in and you’re, “Hi, sweetheart, how are you?” And your partner’s defensive. Why? Because telepathy and this has been demonstrated, telepathy, especially between people who cohabitate, parent and child, spouses, family members. Telepathy even at a distance is very powerful. So, it’s really – one of the things that I teach people is to be less of a sponge because it really interferes with our ability to do things like be happy, or lose weight, or feel rested, or act in our own best interest.
So, I teach them mindfulness which is a big tag word these days. Before you start trying to use all of your psychic intuitive skills in a bunch of ways, first make sure you can be a little bit present in this point and space time, in this moment now. Because that’s actually the only moment where you can affect change. And people are always saying, “Oh, I wish I could be in the future.” Or, “Oh, I wish I could change the past.” Or, “Oh, I wish I could know what someone is thinking.”
But actually, a lot of that is very disruptive. What you want to do is to really – and what I do with people, I’ve written six books on intuition, I train intuitives. And what I do us I train people to know what their questions are so that there’s a filing system. It’s like my shoe closet where I have a 100 pair of shoes. They’re all mixed up. I can never find two pink ones at the same time.
You want a coded system so that you can find that information because in fact if you look at the science sites you’ll see that there’s plenty of research that says you can do all those things that you thought were the field of magic. They’re not. Our brains are amazing. Our spirits are amazing. We are able to do a lot. And yet because that’s not taught it becomes useless to us.
Tobi: Right. And I can see when you’re talking because I mean I’ve done, I’ve practiced for a little while, not as consistent as I’d like to be, mindfulness, or meditation, or yoga, or other things. And I know that state, how it feels when you have really even for just that split second, quieted some of that noise. And you feel so tuned in and aligned. And I know it, I can imagine that feeling. But I’m guessing, you’re saying all of that, even the good stuff, even the good intuition just feels like the same noise as all the stuff we’re bringing in from the outside.
So, can you tell us a little bit what you mean by – how do we become less of a sponge? Because you really intrigued me when you’re like, “If we want to be happy, if we want to impact our weight, if we want to do some other thing we’ve got to be less of a sponge.” So go there a little bit more and tell me what you mean by that.
Laura: Okay. So first of all, I want to tell you a little bit about my practice. I do what’s called evidence based intuition. Although I train intuitives to be more intuitive in their fields for example, whether they’re doctors, or therapists, or commodity traders. What I do is I predict the future for companies. And I’ve had the same companies for 30 years. And the reason I call it evidence based is because we think of intuition and we think of belief. And intuition has nothing to do with belief. I mean I train bankers.
Intuition is a certain way that we use our attention in an intentional way to get data, to get real information. And of course, as with anything else, I think PubMed, not PubMed, what is that, the WebMD has caused more deaths than anything else. There’s a methodology to doing that. And if you think of it, now, if you didn’t train your two year old to live in society, that two year old would not be able to do it, would not be able to get along and create. If you didn’t train your intellect then when you are interested in something, you wouldn’t know how to go about gathering information.
We don’t train our intuition. And one of the reasons we don’t train it is because I think that traditionally people have been afraid of what they call women’s skills. And what are women’s skills? Women’s skills are, hey, you can say whatever you want but I know exactly what’s going on. That intuition is very intrusive. And as a matter of fact ,when I train intuitives one of the major complaints is I will if you’re my student, call you up at noon and say, “I know you’re thinking about selling your house and I know we haven’t spoken in two years but I think that’s a bad idea and here’s my reason.”
People tend to magicalize, so the word manifestation for example, everyone talks about manifestation. When I chop some onions, mix some hamburger patties, toast some buns, set the table, I’m manifesting dinner. Manifestation is just making something happen. And yet because it’s a multibillion dollar industry and we live in a society that disempowers the individual to feel capable, we manifest. Manifest is just making something happen.
Tobi: I love this, it’s so good.
Laura: Everybody’s brain is very capable, as a matter of fact you are intuitive all the time. It’s much harder to teach people to be a little more in themselves, to have a little more of a healthy ego, which goes to your question. So here is a simple thing. I want all of you listening to just notice one really upsetting argument that you have been having in your head with someone who is not present, maybe not even alive, maybe not even someone you know but someone who cut you off on the highway two days ago.
I want you to notice a conversation you’ve been having. Now, research has demonstrated that unconsciously or subconsciously those conversations are actually going on. You’re not just saying it, you’re hearing it. And I use that metaphorically. You’re not just sending your senses, this dialog, you’re experiencing it. I really encourage all of you to make a list of those conversations that are never going to be solved, or those conversations with people you don’t really care about. You’re just upset, or hurt, or pissed of but they don’t really have an end.
Those conversations that are superfluous because those, the energy is limitless but your attention isn’t. As a matter of fact, research shows that we are not very good multitaskers. So, when something takes your attentions, that is useless, it’s stealing from you, or you’re giving it away. Don’t give it away. So, make a list of those conversations and then there’s the D word. And nobody likes the D word, discipline.
Tobi: Yeah, we don’t like that one.
Laura: No, I don’t particularly like it either. But every time you begin a conversation in your head or a conversation has begun with you because you never know who the initiator is unless you actually talk it out with them. Every time one of those conversations begin I want you to pick three conversations you want to be having. I want to throughout the day, I want to tell my husband, “I love you. Thank you for making the bed this morning. I can’t wait for dinner.” I want to have loving conversations with people around me.
I want to have conversations with the people who want to learn more about what I do. So telepathically what you do is you see all those people as one person, as one kind of symbol. And try this. You begin to converse with them. I want to have a – so what conversations do you want to be having, those of you who are single? Do you want to have a conversation with the partner who you can really build a new world with? Start having a conversation with that partner. Once you start it’s interesting how the conversation will find that field of people.
And I really like people to verify what they do. The way it’s verified is every once in a while jot down what you’re talking about with that supposedly imaginary person. You go to a party, you’re shopping for fresh corns in season. You’re shopping at the grocery store and you bump into someone. And all of a sudden they continue the conversation that you’ve been having telepathically.
Tobi: That’s so interesting. What I’m thinking of because I am married. I’m not single, I don’t need a partner. But what I see all the time is myself and other women, working women, high achieving women, we don’t have a lot of friends. We invest in our work and our family and children. And we don’t – and I’ve thought so many times, we need a course on how to make friends as adults. But I could just see when you were describing that, that that very thing could happen.
We could start having the conversation with the squad as they say, or the people we would love to surround ourselves with. And that would probably work in the same way, right?
Laura: But you’re bringing up a very interesting point. And you may have to remind me because I have very bad ADHD and I may forget your question. You brought up a very interesting point. So, all of you, I want you to think if you did for your 20 minutes or half an hour a day, all those things that you’re supposed to do for 20 minutes or half an hour a day, exercise, meditate, stretch, etc. etc. etc. You wouldn’t have a day; it would be bedtime. I mean one reason, I now have a 29 year old and I know you have a 16 year old, big difference.
One of the reasons that couples often don’t have a lot of friends is that we are working. Basic body maintenance takes God knows how long in the morning.
Tobi: Exactly, five hours a day I feel like.
Laura: We’re doing a lot and you can only do so much. So, intuition aside, what I really suggest to people and we have a group called The Circle where people naturally do this is especially if your life is kind of too saturated. Don’t give yourself another thing you’re not doing well enough or another thing you have to do. But what would be great is, for example, I thought wow, when my son was little I wish we had all cooked for each other one night a week and given frozen meals. Find groups of friends that also can walk with you. If you’re exercising, exercise with people.
Tobi: So good. Kind of the same season of life.
Tobi: Yeah, kind of the same season of life, you align with people that are kind of going through some of the same things, yeah.
Laura: Well, not, I mean I think that’s possible too.
Tobi: Doesn’t have to be.
Laura: But I also think that we are all doing a lot, even if we think we aren’t. One of the things they’ve found with education is that the playing with pots and pans in the dirt can be a lot better than learning violin at three. That there’s something that happens to the brain of a child when they’re just being children. And as adults we do need interaction. But we also need support and we need our load lightened. I can hear you all, I don’t do anything. No, all of you are doing too much.
Tobi: I love this.
Laura: And so, we need groups of people where we are taking the load off for one another which is why I love parent groups. I tried to start a group and then I moved to London, called Chicks and Crows because actually I’m 62. Women my age, a lot of us have resources. We have connections. We have all kinds of wonderful things that we can effortlessly share with the little chicks. And the little chicks really have the energy and the deed of employment and all kinds of things that they can share with us where we need support. And so, it becomes complementary.
And so, it’s very, very – all of my books are kind of made to do while you’re in the bathtub, if any of you are inclined to take baths, or while you are walking, or while you’re working out. Because if you have to set – for me the problem with meditation is I frankly, if I carve 20 minutes out of my day I’m going to have to give up brushing my teeth and my hair.
Tobi: Exactly, yes.
Laura: And I like my life like that. I manage anxiety through organized activity. So, I think it’s really important to not say, “Oh, we need to have more friends.” But I’d like more friends, how do I get friends that lighten my load and I can lighten theirs? How can I have more symbiosis? And I think that with partners – so we joke in my house because my husband appears really calm. And I’m this little energizer bunny. And when something happens that’s irritating he’s calm and I blow up. However, when something happens his blood pressure goes up, mine doesn’t.
He gets insomnia, I don’t. So, if something happens to him he represses it, feeds it to me and I express it. So, for example, often with – well, not so cool, often…
Tobi: I mean not cool that you do it but cool that you described it that way. I wouldn’t have known that connection there, yeah.
Laura: So often for example with depressed partners, the partner will be fat because the partner will be literally carrying the burden. We sleep with people. We eat with people. We’ll be carrying the burden. Or someone will be stressed and all of a sudden the partner will get scrawny. Or we are – cohabitation engenders communicable diseases. And it’s very important in a sense for everybody in a relationship to be aware and responsible of their own process, not okay, I had a bad day, but now I’m going home.
No, because someone in my household, whether it’s a child, an animal or my spouse is going to act that out. I had a bad day depending on what crises type I am. Maybe I need to work it out at the gym. Maybe I need to call a friend on the way home for support so I don’t dump that on my family that already carries for me.
Tobi: That’s so good.
Laura: So, I think it’s really important for people to in a sense be responsible for themselves but you can’t make other people do things. So, for all of you listening the most important thing is mindfulness which doesn’t take meditation. When you’re listening to this, whether you’re driving a car, or sitting around, or doing or your dishes, or clipping your toenails, or on your phone, be fully engaged in all of your senses, feeling, taste, smell, sight and hearing.
Be fully engaged in this moment, which is hard, you have to [inaudible] from the past, and future and someone else to fully engage in your senses. And you will find that the only things then, the only information that gets into you then is information you need. So, you need the information perhaps that your child is stressed before a test. But you don’t need to experience it, you simply need to know it.
Being full of you in the best possible sense is the way to stay physically healthy, emotionally healthy and mentally healthy. And it really does take, whoops, I’m out there again. Whoops, I’m out there again. Whoops, I’m there again. Whoops, I’m in the future again.
Tobi: I yelled at someone. I did all these things, yeah. We’re not going to do it perfectly hardly ever, yeah.
Laura: And we spend so much time in the past and the future, or what other people are thinking or doing, that we spend very little time in the present. And the present is the only place where you can change the past and future. So that we do a process which is my fourth of my six books called The Circle. And I want to just give you some simple things to do at some point during this conversation.
Tobi: Okay, perfect. Well, I love everything you’ve just been saying because even when you noticed me, now I have a new skill that she’s taught me. Let me go get some more stuff in my life. You’re like, “Hold up lady, hold up sister. You’re already doing too much.” And so, I love that you just gave us those caveats not only to increase our own awareness that we need to do less, but also the awareness of how we’re bringing all of those emotions and all of our experiences home to our other people. So thank you for saying that because that’s really helpful.
I would love to and then you can say where it fits into this conversation about The Circle. If they’re the same. If they’re two different parts of the tools that you use. But you mentioned crisis and I know that that’s a lot of work that you do on crises. And I know that you’ve been very busy over the last what, 15 or 16, 18 months in the pandemic, helping people navigate crisis. But it really intrigued me because you said if we are in a crisis mode we might need to, and you said work out or other things.
So, I want to hear more about that. When we do have these crisis moments, and then you can either take us from there to The Circle conversation or maybe they kind of integrate together.
Laura: So, I wrote a book called Welcome to Your Crisis. And I do a lot of free work for researchers and for doctors. So, it’s one of my most wonderful books only because I had much greater, more educated minds than mine. I called in a lot of favors. And my process for writing is I get something intuitively. So, in a sense it comes through me and then I check it out. Sometimes by teaching it for 10 years and leading it. This book it was by sending it to a lot of neurologists, and psychologists, and crisis experts and saying, “Does this hold water?” And then workshopping it.
And what we came to is that there are four reaction styles in crisis. And you think you know which one you are but often you don’t. And they’re the same when you’re – what you did in kindergarten is still how you’re reacting now. They don’t change over time and they each have a gift. So, for example, a depression type, things happen and they think I can’t do anything about it. But they’re the naysayers. And so, they add to their own heavy load.
And what they need to do when they have a hard day at work, instead of bringing that depression home and making it more of a load for their children, or animals, or spouses, or friends is they need to say, “Okay.” They need to have a list or repertoire of what gives them support. It might be meditation. It might be a good cry. It might be listening to a song that brings them to a good time. It might be reaching out to a friend and saying, “I just need a pep talk.”
But depression types react to being overwhelmed with depression by sinking. And they need to find support and self-support because often depression types are like – you probably don’t remember the song but, There’s a Hole in my Bucket.
Tobi: Yeah, I do.
Laura: Right. Often you can put a lot into them and it just goes right out. And the gift of the depression type is depth. The depression types are those friends who always know really, okay, this is what’s going on. And this is what you need to look at, they’re wise, they are wise people. Because they spend maybe a little too much time in those depths. But once a depression type balances themselves they’re warm, they’re deep and they’re effective in their lives. Their depth gives them an edge.
The denial type and we all know those, things are fine, yes, I’m just loving COVID. Yes, [inaudible]. They filter out reality. And what happens is then reality becomes a big elephant that sits on them and just crushes them. So, denial types, when they know that they’re in that state. And you know that you’re in that state when you’re kind of hyper manic and doing.
Denial types need to do something that makes them feel. It might be sad videos, those little two minute videos. It might be cat jokes, something that makes them, whatever it is that brings them back to their feeling self that is grounded, that is mindful. And they can see both the good and the bad and what needs work. Now the gift of the denial type, the risk is you deny until it’s unmanageable. The gift though is effectiveness because many people aren’t able to filter. The same way we were talking about telepathic conversations.
Most people aren’t able to filter things out so they can focus on what’s necessary. So once the denial type really allows themselves to feel in even the tiniest little ways and have some cues, things are piling up. Maybe I need to take feeling breaks or schedule them. Then they’re effective. They are the person who say, “Oh my goodness, my caterer didn’t show up tonight, I’m having 40 people. I don’t know what to do.” They say, “Not a problem, I know exactly what.” Two hours later everything’s set for 40. That’s the denial type.
And then we have the rage type. Rage type, something goes wrong and they blow up. And then they make a bigger mess. And rage types, the gift of rage is energy and passion. Rage types need to keep track a little when they’re on edge, when they’re fidgeting more, when they’re pissed off, when their thoughts are blaming and negative. And don’t go home, go to the gym. Discharge literally that charge of energy because the gift of rage is passion.
And so, then you go home and you’re warm and you openly say, “I had a crap day but I’m genuinely happy to be here. Why don’t we go out for pizza? Why don’t we just load the kids up?” And it is when you manage your crisis type, a gift. And I saved the best for last because I am the poster child for it.
The anxiety type. And anxiety types, they’re worried about everything and they’re worried about everyone. And usually, they’re worried about things that will absolutely never happen 20 years in the future. What someone’s doing, they’re getting married, they’re worried about the person cheating or they’re divorced and they haven’t even said, “I do”, yet. But the problem with anxiety is they don’t get anything or as much as they can done in the present.
Now, the gift of anxiety is awareness, most intuitives are anxiety types because their attention is going everywhere and they’re gathering information. The gift is awareness. So, you have anxiety types, information nobody else does. But you can do absolutely nothing with it unless you are able to manage it. And the way an anxiety type manages is engaging in something simple that has a beginning, and a middle, and an end. My favorite thing is cleaning my sock drawer or organizing my purse.
But just something to stop your attention going in a million directions and then once your attention is on one thing all of a sudden the awareness will move you to take the very few effective actions you need to take. And in the pandemic initially in my group because on Instagram at Laura Day Intuit, we all exchange readings. So, we really are a community. People were writing each other checks and finding each other jobs and doing readings for each other, and doing healings for each other, and finding apartments for each other.
They’re just an amazing group of people. But in the beginning everyone was kind of, “Oh my God, this is awful, this is the end of days, what are we going to do? I lost my job. I lost my home.” But we have a saying, what’s the can do in this situation? What is the opportunity? Because we all know what the can’t do is except for the denial types. But most of us know what the can’t do is. The only thing you really have going to for you do is what you can do. And maybe that is sometimes sadly finding a shelter for the night.
Maybe sometimes that is sadly finding a library, going online, going to our group or some other group and saying, “I’ve filed unemployment but I don’t know how to get, can anyone help?” Sometimes we all tend to hide two things, what we need and what we have to give. And those are the two things we should be shouting out loud because someone has what we need and wants to be generous because we are a world community. And someone needs what we have to give.
I mean I have seen on oncology wards, people really seriously ill giving each other support and comfort, looking at each other’s charts to make sure the right meds are being put in their IV. I mean we all have something to give. And we tend to idealize wealth, and fame, and money. But I’ll tell you, a lot of the time having someone take your elbow to cross the street when you’re feeling a little dizzy beats them all. So don’t underestimate your contribution.
And know what you need. And I know depression types, what you say is, “Oh, I need everything.” No, in this moment, in this second what do you need? And now make a call, do something about it.
Tobi: So interesting. I kind of wonder, I don’t know and you’ll have to tell us, I guess we get the book to find out which type we are, is that how we find out? Because I suspect even though I don’t want to admit it, that I may be the denial type because I would…
Laura: You look like Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile.
Tobi: I would call it optimism. But just recently I was working with my life coach and I was like, “It almost feels like I’m gaslighting myself because I just move right into the positive thing.” And so, when you were saying that, plus effectiveness, I am so effective, so productive, all the things.
Laura: I can tell, now you all can’t see her, but this is a podcast. Now, I have my greasy hair. I’m wearing my schmutzy shirt. So is perfectly made up with a perfect background. I’m sitting in my kitchen.
Tobi: I am an interior designer. But you’re right, it is polished and put together.
Laura: But her outfit’s put together. Her jewelry matches. Her make-up is perfect, understated, not too bold, just bold enough. And we are not on camera.
Tobi: Okay. We’ve pegged me. I am in denial.
Laura: And so, all you need to do, so the five minutes where you were meditating or making sure the children’s lunches have notes in them or whatever that extra too much thing you do for everybody else is. You need to take a moment to just let your mind’s eye travel through your body. And notice where it gets stuck. And then notice, what memory or feeling is there. And let me just pay attention to lovely me for one moment. And find a way to express that emotion. And that’s not always easy for denials.
You often have to say, “Okay, what does make me cry? Or what would get a laugh out of me? Or what does allow me to feel how tired I am? And how can I rest that even if all I have is five minutes?” How can I ask the people around me to help honor that feeling part that I have trouble honoring. But I mean I surround myself with denial types because frankly, when there’s too much to do and the anxiety types are freaking out, the rage types are exploding, the depression types are in a chair, they just tend to [inaudible] more. You call a denial type, they do the work of 10.
Tobi: That’s me. Okay, it’s completely clear. And I’d much rather stay in my head than in my feelings. So, 100%, you’ve got me pegged. I can’t wait to read the book.
Laura: And by the way on YouTube, most of – I’ve just finished a book. I haven’t published one in 10 years. I did six and then I really took a break to teach, to enjoy my family, to enjoy my brand spanking new husband I’ve only had for 10 years. I just kind of – by the way I earn a living are these companies that I’ve had for decades. So, I took a little me time which was amazing because we grow during that time. For anxiety types it’s often miserable because you go on vacation and it’s time to worry, being engaged is really helpful.
I’ve totally forgotten the point of exactly what I was going to say so we can move on if you like.
Tobi: That happens to me all the time. And I would try to help people but I was so listening to everything that you were saying. You were just saying you took a break from the book writing, yes.
Laura: Right. But what I didn’t – especially during the pandemic I put a lot of things on YouTube because I just knew a lot of people didn’t have, they didn’t have access to delivery. They certainly, many people didn’t have money. So, there are a lot of free lessons or Laura Day Circle on YouTube. And on Instagram, I’ve put a lot of free lessons up. So, you don’t actually have to buy the book. I love the book, I love the practices but you can also in the Amazon reviews, a lot of the readers tell you their types.
Now, I do want to caution you though, a lot of female anxiety types think they’re rage types because 10 straws too many go on their back and they explode. That’s not a rage type, that is an anxiety type that’s about to be ground into the ground. A lot of denial types think they’re depression types because they’ve allowed so many people and situations to become overwhelming and take advantage of them that then they just literally collapse with things that are actually for most of us unmanageable. Nothing’s unmanageable for a denial type.
So, they’re not depression types, they’re denial types that have just been overwhelmed by things no human can carry. Women misidentify as rage a lot simply…
Tobi: I was just about to say, if I wasn’t denial I would think I was rage. But I think it’s kind of like you were just describing. It’s when I allow myself to get way overwhelmed without support. And then it comes up almost as resentment, of being mad at other people and anger is kind of a go to emotion. Of the emotions that I actually do let myself feel, anger seems easy for me to access at times when I feel overwhelmed so yeah.
Laura: Well, it’s also the only one you can set a boundary with. I mean I think that denial types have a special challenge because they’re control freaks. But they’re also the people we want in control. They tend to be often very evenhanded and nobody does it as well as they do. But they’re willing to do it. And so, I think that denial types often become explosive or nasty when people aren’t holding up their end. It’s like I’m willing to cook the dinner. I’m willing to wash the dishes. I’m willing to do that three times a day. All I ask is that once every two days you take out the trash.
Well, the first time you do it, the second time, probably, 20 times you do it. And then one day you have a cold coming on, you don’t know you have a cold coming on. You’re dead tired, you’ve just finished making the third meal for the day singlehandedly and there’s no place to put the trash and you just can’t do it. And at that point, boom, the explosion and all the background, and all the evidence. But no, if you never set that boundary you would not be a living being.
Tobi: Yeah, so interesting. We could talk forever. This has been so fun and interesting. I’d love for you to tell people, you told them about the YouTube, are there other places they should find you? And I think maybe did we cover The Circle stuff?
Tobi: Okay, tell us that quickly, yes.
Laura: I’m going to give you all three things to do today. One, is make a real wish, what is your goal right now? Now I know we all have millions of goals. But right now, what do you want more than anything else? And write that goal down. Write it down and stick to that goal. Interestingly enough when you take a goal out of the mess of all those things we want and need, intuition begins to allows you to notice what’s in your environment and whose in your environment to create it.
It also begins to allow you to notice what in your past you need to look at in a different way. And what in your future may be coming up that you might want to prepare for to achieve that goal. So really make a goal, in The Circle we call it make a new reality. Be mindful. But when you’re mindful and in The Circle it’s the second element, we call it embodiment. When you’re mindful also allow, don’t create, this is not positive visualization, allow an awareness to join your mindfulness in this moment of that goal and allow yourself to sense it.
And a lot of the time you won’t be able to for a very long time or you’ll sense difficulties, or you’ll grieve over not having it, or your irritation. But allow your senses to notice the goal, any parts of it. And what you’ll find is that you change your telepathy. So, you change the messages that you are sending out subconscious to subconscious but that your world, your employers, your friends, prospective lovers, your schoolmates, they’re all responding to. And so, the feedback will be that your world changes. It gets more supportive of the you, you want to become.
The Circle has nine elements, once again they’re all – that is a book with the workbook or the audio that I do love people to have because there’s no going through The Circle quickly. But once again, The Circle, you don’t sit down and do it. You do it while you’re doing your life. All these tools shouldn’t steal from your life, they should empower your life, they should ease your life. Because believe me, you are all doing enough. And if you’re not doing enough it may be that you’re struggling with anxiety, or depression, or trauma.
And having a wish will help you address those things and get the appropriate help. Me, I’m easy, lauraday.com, there’s an interior designer by the same name, D-A-Y.
Tobi: I know her, yes, I know her.
Laura: You know her? That’s so funny.
Tobi: She actually is from Arkansas originally interestingly enough. And then she kind of got popular in a lot of ways, HGTV and other things. So yeah, but she lives in – the last I heard she lived in New York or the Hamptons.
Laura: Yes. And she and I used to get the 40 page letters from crazy people and we’d have to exchange the letter, “This one’s for you. This one’s for you.”
Tobi: You take the hate mail and I’ll take mine please, thank you.
Laura: Right. Lauraday.com and on there is all my social media. But I also send out group tasks about once a month, things to focus on in your own life. And the YouTubes on there, there are a lot of – I really love people to do the work and do the books because I believe in the work. But there’s so much of it that’s up there free that’s just as good. And there’s a group on Instagram that works together all the time that can help see you through it.
You need to keep a record of your own intuitions, those ideas, those thoughts that come out of left field, write them down some place. Because if you do that with a goal what you’ll find is you can create a map for yourself. Don’t give your power away. Human beings are alchemists, they are unbelievably powerful.
Tobi: I love it so much. Well, this was – I was fascinated before we started but I had just a fantastic time. I enjoyed every minute of it. I learned so much. I laughed a lot. And I enjoyed it and I just, I’m super grateful that you were here. Thank you so much.
Laura: Thank you. I really had a great time.
Okay, what did you think? Are you ready to kind of dig in and learn some more about this concept? If you want to, Laura told us how to find her, and her content, and her website, and check out YouTube. She says there’s lots of cool amazing things from her on YouTube. And I think I’ll do that. So, I hope that you do the same. And let us know. Let Laura and I know if you loved this episode, what you thought about it. You can do that by leaving me a review on iTunes. Or you can reach out to us on Instagram, either one of us, we both hang out over there.
And I’ll see you back here next week with another great episode that I don’t promise not to be woo. But whatever it is, it’ll be a really good one, I can promise you that. Okay, I’ll see you here next week. Bye for now.
Thank you so much for listening to the Design You podcast, and if you are ready to dig deep and do the important work we talk about here on the podcast of transforming your mindset and creating a scalable online business model, there has never been a more important time than right now. So join me and the incredible creative entrepreneurs in my Design You coaching program today. You can get all the details at TobiFairley.com.