You are listening to the Design You podcast with Tobi Fairley, episode number 177.
Welcome to the Design You podcast. A show where interior designers and creatives learn to say no to busy and say yes to more health, wealth and joy, here’s your host, Tobi Fairley.
Hi, friends. Wow, we are flying through the year. And I am excited to bring an episode to you today that might just make the rest of this year different for you because you might see yourself differently than you did before. This episode is about something called human design. And I didn’t really know about human design until my friend, Dayka Robinson who you may have heard on the podcast before, the phenomenal businesswoman, Dayka from Atlanta told me about human design and how she was really into it. This was – I don’t know – back right when COVID started.
And I’d maybe heard about it before I kind of started paying attention. And then all of a sudden Lauren Armstrong came into my life through another Lauren friend that I was working with as a coach. And she is a certified human design consultant, and a speaker, and a cool, cool gal. She’s a subconscious transformation practitioner, an energy healer, a coach for online entrepreneurs. And she puts all that together and teaches you how to use your human design in business. Now, you may not really know what human design is and I didn’t either and there’s so much to learn about it.
And yeah, it can be a little woo but I’m not afraid of the woo and I don’t know if you are. If you’re here at this podcast probably not because I’ve brought you plenty of woo over the what, three and a half years that we’ve been doing this together. But Lauren is your girl if you really want to understand and break down human design in a really easy to understand way. Because it’s a pretty complex topic. So, I think I’ll be quiet. I think I’ll let us get into the interview and let Lauren tell you all about human design.
I’ve had two human design readings with her. I know I will have many, many more. She has an awesome course for how to use it in your business that I will be signing up for the minute that I have a moment which you know me, I’m always taking some kind of course. So, I assure you that will be soon. But here we go, here’s my interview with Lauren Armstrong.
Tobi: Hey Lauren, welcome to the Design You podcast. I am super excited to talk human design.
Lauren: Yes, I’m so excited to be here. Thank you so much for the invitation to join you.
Tobi: So fun. So, we met recently through another Lauren who I have worked with as a coach, which is fun. But I had been hearing about human design for a little bit, it kind of – so two or three years ago the buzzy thing I heard about everywhere was the Enneagram. And now the thing I hear at every turn in my life I feel like is human design. So, it’s getting, I think, gaining popularity. And one of my particular really good friends, Dayka Robison who is a designer in Atlanta is a big fan of it. And she really introduced me to the concept I think for the very first time a while back.
But you are the lady who’s helping me understand what the heck it is, why it’s important, that it’s not just about my life but about my business too. So why don’t I shut up for a minute and let you talk and tell everybody about you. And let’s get into what human design is and how you like to use it in this very special way in our businesses.
Lauren: I love it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, so if you’ve never heard of human design before welcome to the rabbit hole. It is a rabbit hole. It’s so much fun. Get ready to have your mind blown and be seen on the deepest level ever. So, I’m Lauren Armstrong. I am a human design expert. And I use human design specifically for business, so for entrepreneurs who are building their businesses, really specifically coaches and course creators. Because what I’ve noticed is when we’re building our business it’s all about knowing ourselves.
The number thing is okay, well, what works for me? And what is my zone of genius? And how can I really show up fully authentically? Then you get onto all those buzzwords like your authentic self and all of that. So, what is this getting to know yourself game? And so, I discovered human design a couple of years ago and I am someone who freaking loves personality assessments. Give me a personality assessment, I will take it, I want to know everything that I can about myself.
Tobi: Me too.
Lauren: Yeah. And I attract a lot of people like that because if you love personality assessments you’re going to love human design. So human design is a little bit different than a traditional personality assessment because what traditional personality assessments are is you fill out a questionnaire or a series of questions. And you say what you believe about yourself. So yeah, I think I am on time, or yeah, I think I’m efficient or whatever. And then it gives you an answer based on what you think about yourself.
Well, I love personality assessments. But there’s a kind of a flaw there because it’s what we believe about ourselves. And we’re using our conscious mind to answer those questions and then we’re getting a result based on what we believe versus what human design does. And when I had my human design chart read I was like, “Oh my God, you’re reading my diary.” How does someone know what was the deep intimate details? What I’m afraid of and what my life purpose is. And where I trend to struggle. And how I work best.
How do you know this? And the reason that the human design works so beautifully is because it’s the combinations of ancient systems and modern science. So, it’s a combination between the Chinese i-ching, the Kabbalah Tree of Life, the chakra system, astrology and then the modern science like quantum physics, quantum mechanics, all of those things, genetics to give you your personal blueprint. Your personal blueprint of how your energy best works and how you can be in alignment, again, here we go, buzzword. How you can be in alignment more of the time and out of resistance.
So, each individual type, there are five types of human design. So, when you do your human design chart you can go to mybodygraph.com, it’s the easiest one. It’s not my site, just fill in your name, date, city, state and time of birth. It really can show you, not just what your conscious mind believes about you but how you are designed to be on this planet. And it takes into consideration the science of neutrinos and all these beautiful things that you can really experiment with, we call human design an experiment.
So, we can really experiment with and say, “Hey, life is a lot easier this way.” Or, “This is crap and I don’t believe in it and it’s not going to work for me.” Either way is fine, take what works and leave the rest. But it is an experiment. And so, there’s over two billion configurations of human design. And at the very highest level there are five types. And so, what you’ll often hear people talk about in the human design world is those five types. And I’m happy to dig into those today with you Tobi. But I’m going to pause there and let you get a word in.
Tobi: Amazing. So, all the things you said are so mind blowing to me, how someone figured all that out, put all that stuff together, that there’s two billion types, all the things. And then I will admit there were moments because I’ve never – I mean I’m not against things like astrology but I’ve never super been into them. I’ve read my horoscopes before but I know which sign I am but I know nothing about that. And never paid it a whole lot of attention. And so, if it hadn’t been for my friend who I just so connect with and relate to Dayka, who was like, “You’ve got to check this out.”
I might have just kind of pooh-poohed it or whatever, just ignored it or not really cared. But she told me and then I took the test. And then I had my sessions with you, because we’ve had a couple. And even things where you’re like, “Oh yeah, and you have what we call the interior design gene.” And I’m like, “What? What? What? I am one. What?”
Lauren: And I didn’t know that when I met you, I had no idea.
Tobi: You didn’t know because you called it that. And then our other friend, Lauren, who was on the call as my coach listening or whatever, because she’s studying it too was like, “That’s funny because she is one.” And you were like, “Whoa. I thought she was just a coach. You’re a life coach.” And that kind of stuff really, I mean there’s so much that resonated. Every time you’d say, “Does that resonate?” And I’m like, “All of it, every bit, all the things.”
But even that one, just that one that was that specific. I’m like, “You’ve got the interior design gene”, just blew my mind. Because clearly the people out there that wrote this or made this up didn’t say, “This one lady in Arkansas, we’re going to blow her mind, that there’s the interior design gene and she happens to be one.” So that really was when I was like, “This is interesting, there is something here.”
And one of my other favorite things you said is that the purpose of it is to get out of resistance. And I think that that term resonates with me so much because I think for most of us, even though we might not know it in the moment, resistance is what makes everything we do hard, day, to day, to day. When we’re swimming upstream, when we’re forcing something to happen, when we’re feeling like we have to do something. Or somebody outside of us said it should be this way or culture says we should work x number of hours or be a morning person, or all this stuff.
And then we attempt it and we feel all this resistance. And then our go to sort of response to that is what’s wrong with me? I knew this wasn’t me. And it’s kind of almost all – I told you before, becomes almost like a little bit of victim blaming, gaslighting ourselves sort of innocence. And that is what I think is so compelling about this because maybe for the first time in my 49 years I’m giving myself permission to just really be and show up in a way that feels good to me.
And not believe that someone outside of me knows better about how I should act, do, feel, believe, get up in the morning, workout. You and I even talked which we can get into later. I’m like, “Why do I keep not following through on stuff?” And you’re like, “Well, your type’s not really that consistent. You like to do new things.” And I’m like, “Damn it, no wonder I’m always stopping and starting exercise programs for the last 40 years. Why didn’t anybody tell me this?” And that’s just like a little hint of all the things that came up for me so far as we’ve worked together.
So, I just wanted to share that because I wanted people to get intrigued by oh my God, I want to know what stuff I’ve been fighting against all these years. And believing that there was something wrong with me because this is the permission to just be yourself. Oh, so good.
Lauren: And that’s the number one word that I hear when I talk to people about human design and I explain what their type is and what their unique combination of things are. It’s like you gave me the permission to be myself. And so, it’s almost funny to ask you as a listener. If you’re listening to this and you’re like, “Oh my gosh, I hope my human design says x, or I hope my human design says y” it probably does. It’s like can you give yourself that permission because human design is just a tool to come back home, to come back to yourself and to allow yourself to do those things.
And I love what you were saying about resistance and how that really resonates with you because I have this acronym that I have been playing with lately. And it’s the word ‘try’. And so, I’m just going to try. Or I’m trying to. Or I want to try this. And I often find, especially for business owners when we’re trying to launch a certain way or run our business a certain way or trying to have a morning routine. And when it just doesn’t feel good for us but we’ve been told that that’s the thing that we needed to do. Try is tirelessly resisting yourself.
Tobi: Oh my God, yes. Yes.
Lauren: Very trying of that energy of I’m resisting what my natural instinct is because I have this view of someone else telling me that this other way is better. Is it?
Tobi: I mean for them maybe. But maybe not for you. And the other thing is the tirelessly resisting yourself is what actually creates burnout, not us doing too much labor or manual labor. It’s always I think the thinking, the forcing, the resisting that is what exhausts us over and over again because we’re trying to be something we’re not. Yeah, crazy. Crazy, I love it. Okay, so where do you want to take us? I mean is it worth touching on the types you want people to figure? Can you at least name them?
And then that way they’ll have a little intro into it when they start digging in. And I’m sure you’ll tell us later where to find all kinds of good information. But why don’t we just kind of name the five types which is the kind of overarching part of this? And then we can start getting into the how this is going to change us showing up both in life and business, yeah.
Lauren: Yeah. I love it. Okay, so I’ll do the five types. And I’ll just do a one sentence-er for each, kind of get a vibe of who or what they are. So, there is like we said, over two billion configurations but at the highest level there are five types. So, with any ‘typing system’ what we’re not going to do is take this and use it against ourselves and be like, “I wish I were this other type.” This is the most empowering, most amazing, oh my gosh, permission to show up as I fully am. That’s my disclaimer before I go [crosstalk].
So, the five types. So, when you run your chart or your body graph, your human design at mybodygraph.com you’re going to see a picture that basically looks like a mix between a drawing – preschool drawing assignment and a medical chart. And if you want to get a reading, amazing, dive into that. But what we’re looking at now is when you go to the info tab and it says one of five words.
So, you’re either going to be a projector which is about 20% of the population and those are the leaders and the guides, the advisors. When you’re in alignment you’re going to feel a deep sense of success. And when you’re out alignment you’re going to feel bitter or annoyed. So that’s the projectors.
Then we have the generators. The generators are here to do the things they love to do. You’re the lifeforce energy on this planet. And we need you to be lit up by your work and by your life. Your number one job is to light yourself up. When you’re in alignment you’re going to feel a deep feeling of satisfaction. And when you’re out of alignment you’re going to feel really freaking frustrated. So, you know you’re in alignment when you’re feeling satisfied and you know you’re out of alignment when you’re feeling frustrated.
The third type is going to be the manifestors. Manifestors are the initiators. You guys are here to get things started. You’re about 9% of the population. And you’re really here to innovate. You’re here to change things up and just do it, like Nike’s slogan, Just Do It. When you’re in alignment you’re going to feel really, really peaceful, at peace. And when you’re out of alignment you’re going to feel very angry. So that is the manifestors, 9% of the population.
The fourth type we call it the kind of like a subtype but it’s a combination between the generator and the manifestors, so the last two types I talked about. So manifesting generators are here to do the work they love very efficiently. And they’re very multi passionate. So, they are not going to do just one thing. They are the and people, I do this, and I do this, and I do this, and I do this. And that’s amazing. The whole world is trying to get you guys to pick one thing and you don’t have to, permission granted.
Tobi: And that’s me, that’s my type. And that was so good when I finally was told it’s okay to be and do all the things, just maybe not all at the same time.
Lauren: Maybe not, yeah, you’re here to show us that life and work can be done differently. And it’s a beautiful, beautiful gift. So, when you’re in alignment you’re going to feel a combination of those two things of a generator and a manifestor. You’re going to feel deeply satisfied and peaceful. And when you’re out of alignment you’re going to feel really frustrated or really angry/pissed off. So, you can have both of those because you are a subtype, you’re a combination of those two types.
So, the combination between generators and manifesting generators makes up about 70% of the population. So, most of the population has this lifeforce energy, this go, this do, this create. You’re the creatives, you’re the ones who are here to do the work you love to do, so that’s the combination of those two types.
And then the final type is the reflectors. And the reflectors are 1% of the population. And for human design purposes we call them the evaluators. And they are really here as a reflection, they reflect back to you who you are. They’re completely open in their design, which I’m not going to go down that rabbit hole but they’re here to be wise. And they see things in a very different way. So, a lot of really beautiful, brilliant reflectors have blogs. And it’s like I see how you see the world very differently than most people do.
When they’re in alignment they’re going to feel this deep feeling of surprise and delight of life. And when they’re out of alignment they’re going to be very disappointed. So those are all of the five types in the smallest nutshell I can possibly get them into.
Tobi: Yeah. And what’s so interesting about that is how it’s spot on. I’m very aware from becoming a life coach three or four years ago but also just doing so much personal development and awareness work over the years. I have been really clear for a long time that my go to negative emotion is anger. And maybe sometimes when I’m not as angry, it’s frustration. But those things are so closely related. And so that was one of the things that really spoke to me. Also, the peace and the satisfaction I really get to.
But the anger stood out because I think sometimes it’s on the negative emotion side that we also don’t give ourself permission, I shouldn’t be this way. I shouldn’t be angry. And what I learned with this approach is that’s there for a reason. It’s trying to tell you something. Listen when you are angry, it’s not just a – I mean it is part of life, all the emotions but in particularly for me when I feel anger and I thankfully feel it less than I did 20 years ago, a lot of times it’s trying to tell me something.
Lauren: Yeah. We call them your signposts or your key indicators. You almost get this feeling of gratitude for this what we call not-self theme or out of alignment feeling. It’s like I’m so grateful I can feel that because now I know something’s off. It’s just information. It’s just data that you then get to take and do something with versus just being I’m down in the dumps and I’m going to go through this negative self-talk spiral. It’s like oh, okay, I’m out of alignment here. What needs to shift and to change?
And what’s so beautiful about human design as a tool is it gives us that information. What do we need to do to get into alignment or into our happy theme, for you that satisfaction and that peace.
Tobi: And how does it – without having to get too deep, how does it give you the information? When we’re starting to learn about human design, that sounds too good to be true. It’s not only that it tells you what’s wrong with your indicator but it also tells you what to do?
Lauren: Yeah, it’s so cool. So, without getting into each of the types and how that all goes which is the bulk of design. The bulk of human design is understanding these three things. And these three things get you into alignment or that feeling, that ‘positive’ feeling more of the time. And then is your type, which we just really briefly touched on, each one of those five types, projectors, generators, manifesting generators, manifestors and reflectors. Your type, living as your type, which there’s so much there.
And then your strategy, so each type comes with a strategy. And that strategy is how you best interact with the world around you. That strategy creates less resistance. You’re not trying, that’s your natural go to of your strategy for interacting with life and then your authority. And your authority is your decision-making strategy. And what I love about the word ‘authority’ is earlier you mentioned about not giving any kind of power to anyone outside of yourself for what you should be doing. And that’s what I love about the word ‘authority’ in human design.
You’re inner authority, you are your own authority. It’s how your body is talking to you to help you make decisions. And nobody, not a single person on this call or on the planet has the authority of your mind. Your mind is not the decision-maker.
Tobi: Yes. And that was one of the things that totally blew my mind when we started talking about that. Because I am super intellectual, heady, big thinker, pride myself on thinking my way out of every problem. But there’s a reason why, especially since I’ve been in business over the last 20 years and for sure in the last 10 or 15 when I’ve hit burnout and other things. I started to understand that I was really disconnected from my emotions because my go to solution for everything was in my thoughts.
And so, I’ve kind of known this for a little bit when I started in life coaching and I started learning the think, feel, do cycle. And how our thoughts create our emotions, but that a lot of us can’t really get in touch with our emotions. Or we kind of ignore them because we’re so in the habit of using our thoughts instead. And this was just one more layer of yeah, you need to get really in touch with your emotions and really kind of it’s like an embodiment.
Your body tells you what’s wrong even if your brain wants to think it’s not true, deny it, overlook it, I mean call it anything from like I said earlier, gaslighting to positivity, that talks positivity to the power of positive thinking. But at the end of the day there’s a reason we can’t think our way out of this resistance. And if you keep trying you’re going to end up in burnout, or sick, or in the bed, or having a panic attack, or something. Because your body is going to scream at you and say, “No.”
And so, I’ve loved this reminder to go, “You’ve got to go in. It’s not your head.” It’s not your head, at least for my type, I don’t know if that’s for every type. But you were like, “Yeah, that’s not the place to make your decisions, it’s your body.”
Lauren: Yeah. Everyone is the body and for you yours is emotional. You have emotional authority. That’s your decision-maker. And so, there are nine different types of authorities which is why it’s so interesting especially in the coaching world when coaches are like, “Just go with your gut”, for example. Well, a lot of people don’t have a gut response. And that’s not their go to authority. That’s not their inner authority. But it might be the coach’s inner authority. So really understanding okay, this is the way that different people make decisions.
I can help them tap into their own authority, their own decision-making strategy is one of the most powerful coaching tools. I’m getting chills all over my body.
Tobi: It’s so good, yeah.
Lauren: It’s so good. It’s just like it’s not about me. It’s not about you as the coach. It’s not about you as the course creator or whatever. It’s about giving that power back to your students, to your clients, through their body and not their minds.
Tobi: And just so we can kind of understand that a little bit, just for an example. What else because for me, my go to is gut or intuition, that emotional core. But if you weren’t trusting your gut and you weren’t just listening to your brain, what else might you be listening to? What else is there?
Lauren: Yeah, so this is so fun. So, I’ll give you my example because I think it’s so – I mean it’s pretty unique because we’re 2.5% of the population who have this type of authority and they’re all projectors. But anyways not to get down the technical rabbit hole. But my decision-making strategy, my authority is called self-projected. And so, my whole life I was kind of told, “Go with your gut.” That’s what I was told. And my type, I’m a projector. Projectors don’t necessarily have a gut response. That’s generators and manifestors. Manifesting generators have that.
So as a projector I automatically don’t really have a gut response. So that verbiage to me was very confusing. It kind of led me to believe that I don’t have intuition.
Tobi: Ooh, interesting.
Lauren: Because I don’t have that gut response. I’m sorry, the more you tell me, there’s no tapping into that.
Tobi: That’s so fascinating. So where does it come from? What does it feel like for you then? Because gut response to me is visceral. I feel it and it truly is in the core of my body, I know. It’s a knowing sort of. So, if that’s not it for you what does it feel like?
Lauren: Yeah. So, mine is self-projected meaning that I need to talk things out. And when I come to the correct conclusion or not correct but correct for me. When I come to my decision, my energy shifts. And I know it’s correct for me. It has nothing to do with the other person that I’m talking to. It has to do with my experience of talking it out. And so, for example we often have this with the saying in the human design community, you don’t do your design, your design does you.
So, you can look back as a child and be like I used to make decisions like that before I was conditioned out of it. So, in high school I used to go the counsellor’s office all the time and which is a weird thing.
Tobi: Lauren’s here again.
Lauren: Lauren loves the counsellor’s office. To make my decision of what college I wanted to go to, I was literally in there every day for weeks. And I was just talking and my mom kind of went to the counsellor a little concerned. “My child’s into the guidance counsellor’s office every day. We’re getting a little concerned about this.” And my guidance counsellor in all of her wisdom told my mom, “She just needs to talk it out. She’ll make the right decision for her.” Which is so cool that she was tapped in like that.
So, it was just my natural instinct of when it came out of my mouth like that, I knew that’s where I wanted to go. And I knew that that was the right next thing for me. It had nothing to do with what the counsellor thought, or what my mom thought, or where my friends were going. It had nothing to do with any of that. It was a shift in my being when I knew it was correct for me. And that’s what my intuition speaks to me, not through a gut.
Tobi: Yeah. That’s so fascinating. Okay, so you all, if you’re all are like your mind’s blown right now. This is why, that’s what’s so cool about this concept, this tool, human design. And it’s why it draws us in. So, let’s talk a little bit more about or move into that conversation about using this for a business. Because what you do is you help people use this tool in their actual decision-making and their business.
And we were chatting a little bit beforehand and I said I do a lot already, before knowing anything about human design of decision-making based on my values and my business. Which is one way to do it and it can be very helpful and I really like doing that. But what we talked about, this is a whole next layer because it’s not just something that you thought intellectually, which is where our values end up being articulated in our brain. But it’s also who you physically are, your preferences and your natural tendencies.
And so, when you start to understand you could put – you could either just use that or you could even put those two things together, your values and your truest self. And you would run – if people were running a business from their truest self, that looks way different than how most people are running their business, which is almost like always denying my truest self because we’re following some other guru, or mentor, or coaches, or somebody, authors, system. We’re like Brendan Burchard said high achievers do this or Brené Brown said this, which I do love Brené.
But that is what we’re doing. We’re not really going inside a lot of times to run our businesses. So, can you tell us how it would look different if we started doing that?
Lauren: Yeah, oh gosh, where do I want to go with this? Because I could go so many different directions. I could talk about this for an hour. So yeah, for me it’s really around how do we help coaches, course creators, entrepreneurs, show up in their unapologetic version of themselves without that pressure to run their businesses like everybody else is? So, once you recognize okay, this is how I’m designed. I can create offers that actually fuel that, that is a reflection of my unapologetic [crosstalk]. Versus the thing I think I need to offer.
So let me just give you a very brief example. So, for example, when I started my coaching business I was all about accountability, and momentum. And let me help you check-in and that you’re making progress to your goals and all of this stuff. And then I recognized in my human design reading I was like, “I have inconsistent access to that willpower function.” That’s not consistent for me and I don’t love it. It’s what people wanted but it wasn’t what I wanted to do. And it wasn’t something that I had consistent access to energy in or was I wise about it.
I was still kind of struggling with it. So, I wasn’t embodied in that information to be able to coach, share, run programs like that. So, recognizing, okay, here are the areas in my chart, in my design where I have really natural strengths that I can rely on. And I’m going to create an offer from that place instead of the trying, again, tirelessly resisting myself because what I think what people need is what they told me they needed. But that’s not my game. That’s not what I’m here to provide. Someone else has that on this planet and can do it really beautifully and brilliantly and better than I ever could.
So, it’s like when we stop playing other people’s game and we step into our lanes really authentically and effortlessly, then things become just so much easier.
Tobi: So, you said momentum and what was the other thing?
Tobi: Accountability and momentum, yeah. So, what kind of are maybe one or two things that you shifted to instead? Just so we can see the shift.
Lauren: Yeah. So, the shift was more around what’s your purpose, because that for me is really consistent in my design. I have a couple of things where it’s like I’m here to lead. But I’m a reluctant leader. It’s based on what people are asking me to lead them on. And so that showed up, okay, well, I can ask myself, what are people asking me for? What am I being recognized for? How am I showing up? Okay, well, that’s one area of information.
But another area of information, I’m just really beautifully asked all my life, people would ask me advice for things and which direction they should go in or whatever. And so being able to say, “Okay, this has always been a strength of mine and I don’t need to go outside of what’s natural for me in order to provide a service.” I actually get to come home to what feels good. And I don’t have to try so hard in. I’m designed brilliantly and so is everyone on this call. Everyone is designed for what they’re meant for. So, when you can come home to your design, it’s like, oh.
And then the number one thing I hear from people, “But that’s too easy.” And it’s like well, this is supposed to be easy?
Tobi: Exactly. And we do feel like if things work and they’re good, they need to be hard. We make things so much harder than they have to be. The other thing that’s really coming up for me and I probably said this in one of our sessions before but it’s really coming up for me now is that when we’re doing the kind of first version you described of the momentum and the accountability.
And if those weren’t your strengths, but you’re trying to force yourself to be that way, it seems like that could very well be the reason so many of us live in imposter syndrome all the time. And are afraid that we’re going to be revealed as a fraud because we’re trying to tell someone to be accountable or be consistent, yet we know we’re not. And so, we’re like, “Well, let me try again before anybody notices and let me hurry and look like from the outside world that I’m that way.”
And keep up this façade instead of just going, “Oh my God, no, I’m not that way, admit it, but that’s not what my business is about anyway. I’m about this other thing over here.” And to me that just naturally leads imposter syndrome to fall away which is something that so many people struggle with. Would you say that’s true, that that’s where a lot of the root of that, feeling like a fraud comes from because we are kind of being one in a sense because we’re trying to be something we’re not?
Lauren: I would say that’s definitely one of the ways that I see it. I also see a lot of it, even this whole conversation around when you’re not embodied in it. When you’re not doing the work that you’re teaching, coaching, showing is that’s a lot of imposter syndrome that I see as well. So, the lack of embodiment and the trying to be something we’re not so that we can lead in a way that we think is better than who we actually are.
Tobi: Yes. We’re like what I am, the boring ordinary too easy version of me can’t possibly be good enough or worth millions of dollars. So let me try to be something I’m not. That sounds like a great idea. For sure, if I can ever lock that thing in I’ll for sure hit the big time in that moment and make money. And of course, we can never lock it in because it’s not who we are. That right there is such an aha moment. That’s so interesting.
Lauren: I love that. Well, especially because you and I both have a similar one element in our chart that is the same which is people have wide open hearts. And your heart center is all around that willpower, and that consistency, and that when your heart’s in it. And so, the shadow of that, what it looks like when you’re in a low expression of an open heart center, when the energy is not necessarily clicking quite right when you’ve been conditioned looks like I’m not enough. I have to prove myself.
Tobi: Oh my God, yeah, when you told me, when you’re like, “Have you ever tried to prove?” And I’m like, “Every damn day of my life since the day I can remember, I have a memory of always proving, always proving.” I mean not even that anybody else asks me to, I have great parents and everything. But just always proving to my clients and the people I coach, and my parents, and other people. And it’s freaking exhausting. And you don’t even notice you’re doing it a lot. It just feels like you have high standards or you’re a high achiever.
Maybe even starting, or maybe I’m a little bit of a workaholic but it never – I never really understood yeah, that’s this kind of the flipside of how you’re actually designed and it’s something to watch out for is when you move into proving energy. That’s so interesting. There was one other thing and of course I don’t know all, I’m so going to be learning over time so much more of this because I love it. But I don’t know all of the terms or the concepts yet. But there was one other thing that was so interesting to me that helped me so much.
And it was where you taught me, I felt kind of responsible for people’s results. So, if I was coaching someone or a client, I always felt super responsible. But felt a lot of resistance in that. And you’ll have to tell me how you said this because I don’t remember the terms. But basically, you said, “Your job is just to create the concept or have the wisdom and just lay it there and let people pick it up if they need it. You don’t need to make them pick it up. You don’t need to make them use it in their life. You’re not responsible for them using this tool.”
And when I heard that, the amount of pressure that took off of me to be like your job is just to come up with the things. And then sort of be unattached in a sense to what people did with it. That might be one of the biggest gifts so far of this is the freedom in it being enough to just create the thing and say, “Innocence, kind of here’s my gift to you, if it serves you, please by all means take it.”
So, tell me what the technical piece of that is. And is that in every type? Is it just my type? But that is just one, and I love to give people real life examples to make them see how could this help you. That one was such a gamechanger for me.
Lauren: Yeah. So, I think what’s so cool about human design is it’s not just an individual piece, it’s like the sum is greater than its parts.
Tobi: So, it’s all my design together makes me be that person?
Lauren: Exactly. It’s like the fact that you’re a manifesting generator with a defined and an undefined heart and the 6-2 profile and [inaudible]. It’s all of these things combined together that creates this beautiful storyline of your life. And that when you’re showing up at your highest expression that’s what gets to come through. And I think that that’s what’s so cool about learning human design by bits and pieces versus having your reading or going through a program where you actually don’t just get the little bits and pieces but you get that storyline.
You get all of it combined, you get to see this is how this is playing out in my life. So, I love that example for you so much. One of the main elements that shows up there is that you’re a 6-2 profile. And our profiles are really our public role, our personality and in business the way we’re meant to market. Some people are meant to market networking friends and family, you’re meant to do business with people you know. Other people are here to work with strangers and speak on stages. There is different ways that you’re meant to market.
And so, for you as a 6-2 your profile, your public role, you’re a teacher by nature. You are here to come up with beyond your time concepts that you’re way ahead of your time. And then eventually the world catches up and you’re like, see I told you.
Tobi: Yes, that is so me and I love that you reminded me of that because that’s so me. And when you told me this I remember saying, “Oh my gosh.” I knew from my childhood my earliest memory of playing I always played teacher. And I thought I wanted to be one. And then I told you how neat it is that I’ve come kind of full circle of even though I’ve been an interior designer. What I really do and what I love to do the most is teaching other people, other designers, my wisdom, how to run their businesses, the things I’ve learned.
So, I definitely, the moment you say teacher I’m like, “Yes, that is absolutely who I am at my core.” So cool.
Lauren: Which is so funny because that’s not true for everyone. For me, the thought of teacher, oh God.
Tobi: And I’m all day long. And the thing about it is when I’m teaching I am so energized and never tired. It never exhausts me. I can teach and even teach and coach for hours. As long as I’m not doing that thing like we talked about where I’m responsible for their results. But when I’m just there teaching, coaching, guiding, that whole combination is such a sweet spot for me. I could do it forever and it not take a toll on me which is fascinating.
Lauren: Would you say that you are satisfied when you teach?
Tobi: And at peace, satisfied and at peace, absolutely. Absolutely. Okay, so what else do people need to know about this? If they’re like, “Okay, you got me. I’m in it now.” Where do they go? What do they do? How do we start moving people in this direction? Do you teach them? Besides getting their chart, how can this look so they can start to learn to align, not only in their life but especially in business?
Lauren: Yeah, I love that question. And there are so many different ways. And so, what I would say is what is drawing you to it? If you want to learn about it and it’s like a aha or a hell yes, or when you talk it out, like we’re going to notice, what comes up inside, not with our minds but with our bodies? If it’s drawing you towards this material, well, welcome to the rabbit hole. I told you what you’re getting when coming in.
Tobi: You are under the spell.
Lauren: Yeah, welcome, welcome. It’s just such a beautiful tool. So, I actually have a free workshop called Purpose Without Pressure .com is the website. And you can go and watch, okay, what does this look like for each of the types? What does it look like to be in alignment? Why is it so important? And go into depth there. I do have a program on it and it’s called Leverage. So human design for business. how you can actually leverage your design and using it and selling offers that are in alignment with who you are without the pressure to do things the way everyone else is.
Completely eliminating comparisonitis, imposter syndrome, all of the things. So that is absolutely an option for you. There is also an option to get a reading done with someone. If you’re like okay, I don’t know if I’m fully ready to dive into the pool but I want to get my toes wet. A reading could be a really beautiful place to start. I do those and there are so many others out there who do them as well. So, find someone who resonates with you and that you would like to learn about yourself from.
Tobi: Yeah, I loved it. I love that you and I definitely I feel very in good hands with you. Your knowledge is impressive. But we just connected, our energy connects and is aligned. Because like I said, our common friend, Lauren connected us the first time. And then I was like, “Can you buy two readings? Can I get another?” And you’re like, “Of course.” Because I wanted to take every – there was so much to take in, in that first session which I feel was like an hour. And like you said today, we could have gone five hours.
And so, then I sat with that for a month or two, I watched the recording of it a couple of times. I listened to it again. And then because you’re so busy I had to wait a couple of months anyway to get the next one which was perfect because I had time to kind of sit with that for a while. And I rewatched that video before our second one. Now I need to watch the second one again. And there’s so many things that I can see in the future that I will probably go down this path and learn more. But right now, it’s enough for me to just take in all these sort of details.
And it’s very intricate, there’s a lot there just about myself and just asking myself in just day-to-day. And you asked me before we started. You’re like, “By the way before we start what’s changed for you?” And we were talking a little bit about how I’ve just stopped forcing a lot of things. I’ve changed expectations of myself. I’ve allowed myself to just be. I’ve given myself so much grace around things like working out and doing stuff the same all the time. I remember you telling me that my type doesn’t like to – I may be a teacher but I don’t want to teach the same thing over and over again.
And the same with working out, I don’t want to do the same exercise over and over again. And so just that, the amount of self-flagellation that came before about what’s wrong with you? Why don’t you just get your butt up and go exercise? Now I’m just like no, no, that’s not what we’re doing today. The body says we’re laying flat on our back and doing yoga for three hours today or it might say we’re running, which it never says running, it says walking.
But all of those things, I just listen and I don’t try to change my mind. I don’t try to overthink it. I’m just like, yeah, that is what we’re doing today, it’s so cool.
Lauren: Well, imagine the energy, think about your energy as in a bucket. And that self-judgment is a hole in the bucket. It’s that energy leakage that’s happening all day every day when you’re just forcing yourself to do things that don’t feel good. You get to keep all that energy for things that are deeply satisfying for you. Or for me because I do things that make me feel really successful. And instead of making myself bad or wrong because some other type, or person, or design says that this is the way that you need to be. I get to keep all my energy to myself.
Tobi: Yes, I love it so much. Well, thank you so much for being here. I feel like there’s another episode in our future.
Lauren: I love it.
Tobi: There’s so much to learn here. You’ve got to come on and at least introduce all the people that haven’t heard of this or that have been curious about it, just really get them kind of understanding what it is and really how it can serve you, especially in your business. I mean we didn’t even go into and we could do a whole episode, you kind of touched on marketing. But just on selling and the resistance people have around selling.
And so, like if you are listening and you’re like I have resistance to marketing, to selling, to working out, to the morning routine, to all the things, check every box Tobi and Lauren said today. Then you’re going to want to go get curious about what your design is. And see where you’ve been trying to force yourself to be something that you’re not.
Lauren: Yeah, just literally one question of where is this not me? How am I showing up that’s not me? Just that question is going to release so much crap from [inaudible].
Tobi: Yeah. You’re like I don’t have to do webinars. I don’t have to do live videos. And it’s not a way for us to just be mediocre or never step outside our comfort zone. It’s not that at all. You can totally still step out of your comfort zone but in the area that’s most aligned with you. And so, you’re growing but you’re just growing in a way that’s going to offer less resistance than you might hit if you were growing in an area that’s not really your lane, right?
Lauren: Preach, yeah.
Tobi: Okay, well I loved it. I love every time I’m with you. Thank you, thank you, super grateful and it was just really fun.
Lauren: So fun, thanks, Tobi.
Okay, so are you ready to figure out your human design? Don’t be intimidated when you open it up. I mean it’s kind of a lot. You look at that chart and like she said, it’s kind of science and math and I don’t know. But there’s a lot of cool information in there. And it is to be used in the way that it serves you, not to get intimidated by. So, I hope if this episode intrigues you, that you’ll go look yours up. You’ve got to know your birth time, not just your date and the place you were born. So, your birth time.
I had to get a new birth certificate because I couldn’t even find mine just so I could do this. But it was worth it. And I recommend if this intrigues you, to go do that for yourself because you’ll learn all kinds of things about you that you might have been fighting, that you might not have been allowing yourself to have permission to be exactly who you are. And that’s the fun thing about human design, it does just that.
So, check out Lauren and her sites and her courses, and check her out on Instagram. She’s always sharing wisdom there and Clubhouse. I hear a lot of wisdom from her over on Clubhouse too. She’s kind of everywhere. And she’s got a lot of cool things to say. So, check her out and I’ll see you back here next week with another great episode. And it’s kind of woo too, so get ready. But another great episode of the Design You podcast. Bye for now.
Thank you so much for listening to the Design You podcast, and if you are ready to dig deep and do the important work we talk about here on the podcast of transforming your mindset and creating a scalable online business model, there has never been a more important time than right now. So join me and the incredible creative entrepreneurs in my Design You coaching program today. You can get all the details at TobiFairley.com.