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Ep #100: Are You Willing to Fail?

Listen To My Latest Podcast Episode: Ep #100: Are You Willing to Fail?

Be at home in your own life.

Get the ultimate blueprint to successfully balancing health, wealth, and the spaces you live in each day.

Ep #98: Self-Care Hacks with Angela Jia Kim

Be at home in your own life.

Get the ultimate blueprint to successfully balancing health, wealth, and the spaces you live in each day.

Self-Care Hacks with Angela Jia KimHow many of you are on track toward your goals? We’re well into the new year, we’ve got our big goals and plans laid out, and I know a lot of you are working double-time as creatives and entrepreneurs. That said, taking some time for yourself and refilling your well is so crucial to long-term success, and I’ve got the best guest to discuss this with us on the podcast today.

If you’re wondering why you might not be producing your best work or why you might be feeling depleted already, you might just be lacking some self-care practices. Angela Jia Kim is a former concert pianist turned beauty entrepreneur and creator of Savor Beauty + Spa, and she’s here to talk us through her motto, “Nourish to flourish,” that exemplifies the importance of looking after yourself first to create the success you want.

Join us this week to learn why self-love is at the crux of self-care and why you need to make it a practice. Making self-care a habit is crucial, especially for us creatives, and practicing introspective self-care is what kept Angela from burning out. I know you’re going to love her because her tips are too simple not to implement and will have you showing up as your best self consistently.

If you want to get your hands on some of Angela’s amazing products or her Savor Beauty Planner so you can set self-care habits in motion, she has generously given us a discount code! Use the code TOBILOVE10 at her website to check all of her stuff out!

If you want to keep this conversation going, you have to join my free Design You Podcast community on Facebook. We have great conversations over there about the podcast episodes and our podcast guests are in there too! So head on over and I’ll see you there! 

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • What Angela has learned about self-care, self-love, and how to embrace it as a habit.
  • Why practicing self-care helps you care more for the people around you.
  • Angela’s one simple daily routine that has transitioned into more self-care practices.
  • The power of carving out non-negotiable me time.
  • Why you should put your self-care before success.
  • The three types of visioning that Angela uses to flourish in her life.
  • Why Angela doesn’t believe self-care is a lifestyle.
  • How to keep your excuses at bay to keep showing up for yourself.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

 

You are listening to The Design You Podcast with Tobi Fairley episode number 98.

Female Announcer: Welcome to The Design You Podcast, a show where interior designers and creatives learn to say, “No,” to busy and say, “Yes,” to more health, wealth, and joy. Here is your host, Tobi Fairley.

Tobi: Hey friends. How’s your year going? Are you keeping up with those goals and habits and intentions that you said you wanted to just a few weeks ago? You know, most people have given up by now, but it’s never too late to get back on track if you’re not following through, and today’s a great episode for that because I have an amazing guest, Angela Jia Kim, who is the creator of Savor Beauty + Spas.

We have such a neat episode for you today all about self-care and self-love and rituals and habits, and it’s just such a, just, oh, I don’t know, common sense episode with these great little nuggets that you absolutely have no excuse but to put into practice in your life, or to use these techniques with other areas of your life.

I love how Angela has such a beautiful way of simplifying the things that we want to believe are just so difficult to follow through on. I know you’re going to love this episode. I’ll see you back at the end because I have a really cool gift for you. Angela is going to offer you a discount on her products for her amazing beauty company, and I’m going to tell you the code for how to get that. Go listen to the episode first and I’ll meet you back on the other side.

Hey Angela. Welcome to the Design You Podcast. I was just going to say I am so excited about this topic because we’re talking about self-care, which is something that I can never get enough of, so I’m thrilled you’re here.

Angela Jia Kim: Yes, and I think we have a lot in common after reading your bio, so we’ll have a lot to talk about.

Tobi Fairley: Oh, that’s so fun. Okay. Why don’t you start out by telling me and everyone else what we do have in common? Of course, I’ve read your bio too and I know about your fabulous company, but tell everybody the most important stuff they need to know to really get to know you.

Angela Jia Kim: Well, I’m a former concert pianist turned beauty entrepreneur. I’m the founder of Savor Beauty, which is natural skincare inspired by Korean beauty rituals. I’m Korean. We have three spas in New York. I think the things that you and I have a lot in common, which I’m sure we have in common with all of your listeners, is that we’re creative and I love everything that’s visually aesthetically pleasing and I love to say yes to everyone and everything because I’m a people-pleaser.

That really led to a lot of suffering and a lot of burnout and a lot of just the disease to please. I used to say I really want to aim for authenticity versus approval, and I feel like I’ve really come around after a whole year of introspective self-care and self-love actually. That really helped me from burning out, and I think that’s very important, especially for people who are creatives.

Tobi Fairley: Yes, I love it. I love one of the things you just said, and let’s just leap off there because I know we’ll have such a great conversation, but I love that you said the word self-love, because I feel like that’s a lot of times the conversation we should be having.

Self-care is amazing, but I think a lot of other terms, it’s become a buzzword, and I think it loses a little bit of its luster or its meaning. It gets desensitized a little bit and everybody’s like, “Yeah, yeah, I don’t have time to get a pedicure or whatever, a massage.”

I think it’s such a deeper conversation than that. So, let’s start with this place of self-love and tell us what you learned about both self-care and self-love so people can start to see maybe how to embrace this. We’re going to get into why it should be a habit, but until they really believe in it and really connect with these ideas, I think it’s harder to make something a habit.

Angela Jia Kim: Well, so let me back up a little bit and tell you that I used to think that self-care and self-love were really for people who had a lot of time to waste, so I can really relate to people who might think, “Well, I don’t have time for a massage,” or, “It’s just a manicure.”

It feels superficial, but over the past year or so I’ve come to really understand on a profound level that self-care really is an action for which your future self will thank you. That can be everything from planning to, yes, massages and manicure, that’s fun, to doing skincare rituals, all the way to taking care of your finances, saying no, creating boundaries, developing your emotional intelligence.

At the crux of it all is that word that I just used, self-love, which I used to think was just a fluff word. I’ll tell you a story about my daughter who’s now 10. When she was five years old, I was curious about, well, kids, they just love themselves. They have no problem saying, “I love you,” to themselves.

I said to my daughter, Sienna, I said, “Look in this mirror, Sienna. Can you say ‘I love you’ five times in a row?” And so she took the mirror and she was like, “I love you. I love you, Sienna. I love me, Sienna. I just love you so much,” and then she kissed the mirror.

Tobi Fairley: Aww.

Angela Jia Kim: Then she turned to me and she said, “Now you try, Mama.” I tried and I couldn’t do it. I would start laughing, I felt so silly, and I was void of that emotion for myself. I think really when it comes down it, self-love is not a fluff term.

It really is respecting your space, your boundaries, knowing who you are, valuing who you are, valuing the experiences, good and bad, that you’ve been through in life, and respecting the values you’ve developed as a result and bringing that into your workspace, bringing it into your interior space, and then bringing it into your relational space with your spouse, your partner, your friends, your kids, whatever.

I think when you love yourself, you have the capacity to love others. It’s been a profound shift for me because I come from a family, I had tiger, I don’t know if you know what a tiger mom is, but tiger parents, it’s a term that they’re over-achieving parents and I’m a recovering workaholic, and so it’s taken a long road for me to get here.

Tobi Fairley: I love that. I love that you said that and I can so connect with that, because I also consider myself a recovering workaholic. It’s so fascinating to me now because I have such a practice of both self-love and self-care, but I worked on it a lot.

It’s not something that just happens, and I think that’s what you’re saying. It’s not like you just one day go, “Okay, now I love myself.” We have to practice it and we have to dig deep and see what’s preventing it.

And so, all the time now, will hear people say that they don’t take care of themselves and they’re just flying by the seat of their pants and they’ll show up to something where they’re supposed to be their best, and they’re like, “Oh, I should’ve gotten a haircut,” or, “I didn’t get my nails done,” or, “I’m embarrassed that my feet look like this,” or whatever.

It’s almost hard for me to relate to that now because for 10 years I’ve gotten a manicure/pedicure every other Monday at 8:00 AM, and I get a massage every other Friday. In fact, I’m getting it right after we record this today.

Angela Jia Kim: Oh my god. Amazing.

Tobi Fairley: They’re just parts of my life and I don’t second-guess them, and I don’t tell myself I can’t afford them, and I don’t tell myself I’m too busy for them, but I know that there was a point when I did all of those things. If people want to start to live this kind of life where they truly believe they’re worth it, is there anything that you can pinpoint in that journey for you that helped you go from that former version that was a workaholic and didn’t probably put yourself first to a person who really does?

Angela Jia Kim: Well, I’m going to share what I did that changed my life, and it’s a very small thing it seems like, from the outset, but it only took 60 seconds a night and then it led to other things. What I did, was I decided I was going to wash my face every single night because, for me, it symbolizes going to bed with this clean slate, and I realized I needed some constancy in my life.

So, I was like, “I’m going to wash my face every single night and I’m going to do the double cleanse ritual,” which is a Korean beauty ritual. I’d love to tell you what I did, and everyone can choose to do whatever they want to do, but the first thing is to find a routine and a ritual that you’re going to do day in and day out.

I will tell you why it’s so profound, and you touched upon it with your massages and your manicures. What I did was, it’s the Korean beauty double cleanse ritual, and so the first thing I do is, of course, I use Savor Beauty products, which the first one is the coconut pre-cleanse made with jasmine and organic coconuts, and it’s oil-pulling, so it pulls the bad oils out of your pores, it pulls out the toxins.

What I love about it is it’s symbolic for taking out the toxins from your mind, body, skin, and spirit. So then, you’re pulling out all the pollution. You know I live in New York City, Tobi, so toxins galore. So, I’m pulling that out and then I layer on top our pearl cleansing cream, which is this creamy milk and it has crushed grapeseeds, it has rosewater, so it’s not irritating, it’s creamy, it smells like a spa in a bottle, so I’m very drawn into the aroma.

And then I feel the grapeseeds sweeping away the impurities I’ve just pulled out of my pores. So, then I just wash my face off and I feel refreshed. I say affirmations while I do it. I’ve been present for just 60 seconds.

The reason why that changed my life is because it was a window for a workaholic, for an over-achiever to just take one non-negotiable moment for myself. Then, I was like, “That felt really good,” and after a few weeks, I was like, “I want to do some stretches before I go to bed. How about a little yoga?” And then it just started to grow.

I like this space. I like that I’m taking time for myself. And then, eventually, I started to ask myself very important questions, like who am I, what do I want, and those questions were very important for me to address because as you and I can relate to each other, we spent a lifetime of pleasing others and getting approval from others.

And so, when you’re constantly in that mode, asking yourself who am I, what do I value, it’s actually a harder question to answer than you might think.

Tobi Fairley: Right. Yes.

Angela Jia Kim: But when you start doing that, that’s when you start uncovering authentic power within yourself. You ask yourself that question over and over again and eventually you’re going to come to some really important answers. I think what you said earlier, preceding this question you had for me, was so profound because you’re scheduling in and carving out non-negotiable me time.

The reason why that’s so important, when you’re doing a rhythm, and I really believe in rhythms and rituals in life. That’s why every night I wash my face and that’s why it’s so important for you, every other Monday, to get your manicures, and every other Friday to get your massages, because you know those are milestones and rhythms and your body starts to get used to it. Your mind starts to get trained to say, “Okay, that’s my time where I’m going to fill up my well.”

Once you do that, you’re really not neglecting yourself.

Tobi Fairley: Yeah.

Angela Jia Kim: So, that’s why I think it’s so important.

Tobi Fairley: It’s incredible. You just really gave me a huge shift. I loved that, even just when you were talking about washing your face. I, admittedly, don’t gas, but I have really amazing skin, I’ve rarely ever had a blemish in my life, and I’ve taken it for granted for years.

A few years ago, maybe three or four, because I’ll be 48 actually in a couple weeks after we’re recording this, and I do think I look younger than I am. All the positive things. But I finally started making my skincare a little bit more of a priority, but I will admit that I do still struggle with being consistent.

Just literally listening to you say all of what you just said and envisioning even that going through those thought processes of like, “This is cathartic. I’m removing toxins that built up in the day,” and even toxic thoughts, and just making it a practice, a meditation almost in and of itself, really created some awareness for me that I’m dying to go do this now.

Of course, you did send me a whole beautiful kit of your products, so I’m going to start today, but I love that shift around – To me, it felt like it took me from thinking, “Ugh, you should be washing your face. You’re going to regret this one day when you have wrinkles. You’re going to be mad when you took it for granted,” and that’s a completely different thing, which feels like an obligation versus this, “You know what? I’m going to do this thing that’s actually going to be this beautiful end to my day. It’s going to reset me for tomorrow. It’s going to help me show up as my best self.”

I think that touched me on a whole other level. You’re exactly right. That’s how I got to my every other week manicure/pedicure for literally, I think it might’ve even been 15 years now, but I remember – My daughter’s 14, and I remember back in the time when I had gotten married, was building my business, and was becoming a mom, I was just so depleted.

And I remember thinking, “I just am so exhausted,” and I had an excuse to keep my hands and my feet looking good because I was having client meetings where I was showing people fabrics or whatever. And so I had this little excuse that gave me enough permission that I wouldn’t really give myself otherwise to start showing up for myself.

And you’re so right. It felt so good, that then later on when I was still feeling exhausted, I was like, “You know what? You really should get a massage.” And then that felt so good, and I was like, “Okay, I can see now because I’ve done the other for a while that I could start making this a regular habit.” And it’s just building one little habit at a time. I love the way you described that whole thing, and now I cant wait to build my facial habits that I’m going to start immediately. So good.

Angela Jia Kim: If you’re too tired to do it, to wash your face, I just really believe that’s a great place for women to start because it’s just a ritual, it’s good for you, you’re going to see results, and then you’re going to crave for more. I think, well, for me, and I’m sure for you, I’m very attracted to beautiful aromas. That’s why it was really important for me that we create these spa-like aromas.

The coconut pre-cleanse smells like you’re in Jamaica and it just smells so yummy. And then the pearl cleansing cream, it’s milky and it smells like a spa in a bottle. It just takes you away, it transports you.

Tobi Fairley: Yeah.

Angela Jia Kim: It becomes a sensorial ritual.

Tobi Fairley: Yeah, love it.

Angela Jia Kim: That’s what I did and it took 60 seconds and it lead to so much more.

Tobi Fairley: I love, love, love it. Love it. Okay, so now that we know how to start getting into that mindset, honestly, there is no excuse for a 60 second break. You’ve literally taken any excuse that anybody wants to try to come up with now, you’ve taken that away, which is beautiful.

So let’s start to then say now we’re making things a habit, we’re starting to believe that we’re worth it, we’re asking those great questions about who we are and really getting into our worth. So, you have some thoughts about why, and that’s probably part of it, why people should really put self-care before their success. Can you talk to us about what you mean by that?

Angela Jia Kim: Well, because again, as a recovering workaholic, I never put myself first. At some point you begin to deteriorate. My story, I began to deteriorate both emotionally and mentally and physically. I would start getting IBS, which is intestinal bowel syndrome. I don’t know if you know what that is, but it’s just stomachaches and then you would get very nauseous and throw up. I would just work myself to the bone and then I would just get physically very sick.

And then, after the physical symptoms, it was almost like the universe was screaming at me, “Stop. Take care of yourself,” but I guess I wasn’t listening to it. I thought in my crazy brain at the time that I was having these stomach issues because I needed to work harder so that I wouldn’t feel as stressed, and the only way to reduce stress was to work harder.

Tobi Fairley: Yeah, of course.

Angela Jia Kim: It was a hamster wheel that I was on. Yeah. So then, after that, I guess the universe was like, “Okay, she’s not getting it,” so then I started getting panic attacks. They would just come suddenly. It was almost like this cold, and I would just start being very anxious and worried and I wouldn’t be able to get in the subway.

And then that would come and go, so I thought, “Okay, well, what I need to do to heal that is I need to be on my iPhone more so I’m not thinking about [inaudible 0:16:30]. How crazy is that? I was literally working myself, and I live in New York City, so it’s kind of common. This is common behavior and a reaction to work and never taking time off.

That’s why I think it’s important. I think it’s important to start with self-care and self-love because if you don’t, you’re not going to have anything to give to anybody else, no less yourself. If you have children, if you’re feeling irritated, if you feel, and I know we all do once in a while, or if you’re short-fused or frustrated or if you find that you’re irritated at coworkers or just your spouse or your partner, whatever, those are signs that you need to back up and take some time for yourself and refill that well.

Who feels good about any of that? When you’re irritated, you don’t feel good. The person who’s receiving it doesn’t feel good. And then the aftermath is not so good, so it’s just best, I think, for emotional intelligence, just to take that step back for time for yourself.

Tobi Fairley: Yeah, I love that. As I was thinking while you were talking, I was thinking about it is not easy to build a business. It is not easy to balance all the things we do as women for sure and wear all the hats, but for men either, and be moms and all those things. When we’re constantly showing up to that depleted before we even start our day, I just was envisioning what you were saying and going, “Why would we want to do that? Why wouldn’t we want to show up with a full tank of gas?”

We charge our phone every night, but then we show up with our battery in the red zone every single day, and then we wonder why we don’t perform at our best, which is yeah, so smart. How do you recommend, because I know you have an idea or a concept of designing a nourish to flourish life, what does that mean?

Angela Jia Kim: Okay, so one of the products that Savor Beauty has come out with is our Savor Beauty planner, which is my next 90 days. It’s a self-care commitment. When you’re designing a nourish to flourish lifestyle, just like you know as someone who designs spaces, you need to have a vision. You can’t just go in and start buying stuff, you need to have a vision.

Tobi Fairley: Right. Yeah.

Angela Jia Kim: I believe in visioning, and I’ve put it down into three different types of visioning. There’s the macro visioning, which is like what do you want for your life, who am I, all of that. Who do I want to be? How do I want to affect others? What is my sense of purpose? What’s my sole purpose? That’s macro visioning.

Then, mezzo visioning is more your 90-day vision. I don’t like annual goals and I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions. I mean, 82% of people forget their New Year’s resolutions within two weeks.

Tobi Fairley: Yes.

Angela Jia Kim: So, I do the 90-day visions where you’re really planning, okay, what’s the shift that I want to take in 90 days? It’s enough time to gain traction, it’s a little amount of time so that it doesn’t feel like a whole year, and then you can shift if things are not working.

And then there’s the micro visioning where you’re planning out how you want your week to look, your day to look, and you’re actually carving in, just like you do, Tobi, your self-care practice and your meals. How are you going to, as you said, refuel your tank and recharge the phone?

That’s first. And so, the Savor Beauty planner, you can get it at SavorLifePlanner.com. That’s really what it is. It’s designing that lifestyle. I think nourish to flourish says it all for me, because if you’re nourishing yourself, you can flourish. That’s self-care first, self-love first, success second.

Tobi Fairley: I love it. I love, love, love it. I always pick a word of the year and my word of the year for 2020 is flourish, so this is the perfect opportunity for me to see how I can even go deeper on these things, because there’s always ways that we can make even just little, small changes, I think, that just continue to up-level and help us design the life we want.

So, you also believe that self-care isn’t a lifestyle, and I think this is fascinating because I think that’s part of the excuse that a lot of us tell ourselves, “Well, I don’t have time for this and I’m not going to be able to keep it up and I don’t want to start and invest all this money in this skincare or these things. And then I know myself and I know I’ll quit.”

I love that you say self-care isn’t a lifestyle, it’s a habit, which is genius because a habit is something that we intentionally create, and it’s something you have to practice. Tell us a little bit more about that, because I’m big into habits, I love habit books like James Clear’s Atomic Habits, and I think this is such a timely –

In fact, in February, which I think is when this episode will probably air, my whole month in my Design You coaching program is on habits, because I think that is the key. We act like a lot of times that things are happening to us and we have no control over things, and I think that it’s the exact opposite. It’s all about creating habits, and that’s pretty much what you’re saying.

So, talk to us a little bit about the difference in believing that it would be a lifestyle to have self-care and really just bringing it down to this kind of innocence. To me, that bite-size version, which is creating, just like you said, those nighttime habits, or daytime, whatever, any kind of habit you want to create.

Angela Jia Kim: Right. Well, I think a habit – Well, James Clear, by the way, says it takes about 66 days, more than two months, to make a new behavior more automatic. What I like about the idea of a habit or a ritual is that it becomes a baked-in activity or habit, as you say, in your schedule and in your life.

I think that’s the difference between – A lifestyle feels a little bit more loose, and oh, it’s just a lifestyle, but a habit, it really gets locked into your daily ritual.

Tobi Fairley: Yes, I love that.

Angela Jia Kim: For me, a habit is to wake up and drink my coffee. That’s just the thing that Angela does every morning, or I wake up immediately and I tone my face and I put serum on. That is my habit and I will never break it on Sundays. I like the word ritual because it feels less automatic, but more intentional.

I have routines and rituals on Sunday. I buy all of our ingredients for the meals that I’m planning. I always sit down with my planner and I plan, I vision my week. I plan out my week, I plan out my meetings with my staff so that I come in looking poised and professional versus chaotic.

These are all habits that I’ve formed over the years so that I can perform at my best. I want to show up looking and feeling my best. I also get, like you, I get my weekly manicures, I get my weekly blowouts. To me it’s not a luxury, it’s really part of the brand as well, because I want to show up as the CEO of my brand and I want to look my best for my team so that they feel like I showed up for them, polished, and that they’re important too.

Tobi Fairley: I love that. Yeah, so good. What about, and I agree with every word you said and I love all of it, it’s just so good and it makes so much sense, it’s really a lot of common sense. But we know that when people are like, “Okay, that all sounds amazing,” and they’re going to start it, and just like you said about washing your face, then all of these excuses are going to come up, right?

“Oh, I’m too tired,” or, “This week is extra busy,” or, “I had to go to this thing on Sunday when I usually do my planning instead for my daughter’s school”, or whatever. How do you start to keep those excuses at bay so that you can really continue to show up for yourself? I think that’s a lot of the real conversation, is showing up for ourself consistently. That’s as much self-care as anything we can do.

Angela Jia Kim: Yeah. Well, I think it’s two parts. The first part is a question I want you to ask yourself. It’s are you interested in change or are you committed to change? If you’re interested, one of my friends asked me this actually, if you’re interested, then you’ll just watch it. You won’t be active.

Tobi Fairley: Yeah, like a spectator kind of, right?

Angela Jia Kim: Yeah. You’ll be a passive spectator. Exactly. If you’re committed, then you’re going to take action, proactive. You’re going to be proactive about it. Then the second thing is I always like to involve other people because I think there is true accountability when you can do this with somebody.

Grab a partner and decide that you want to do this together and text each other and say, “Hey, did you go for your run this morning?” or whatever you decide that you want that habit to be.

Tobi Fairley: Yes.

Angela Jia Kim: To wash your face that night. I also believe, I bet you, Tobi, and I’m curious what your answer’s going to be, do you have a long-standing appointment with your massage therapist as well as your manicurist?

Tobi Fairley: Oh, yeah. It’s just never-ending, on auto every other week until the end of time. We don’t even make appointments, we just know every other Monday for manicures, Fridays for massages. Unless some random thing happens, like I’m on a business trip or it’s spring break or her child is sick, it never changes. It’s like an unspoken rule. We know what week we’re on and we know when she shows up, and I’m here.

Angela Jia Kim: Yeah, and that’s accountability. We have, at our spas, I mentioned we have three New York Spas, we have Champagne Facial Club membership. Women come in, in New York, they’re like, “Monday at 3:00. That’s my time,” and we know that they’re coming in for their facial, non-negotiable self-care time.

Just making that appointment, making that appointment for your dentist, making that appointment for your doctor, those are moments of where you’re taking care of yourself so that your future self will thank you.

Tobi Fairley: Yeah.

Angela Jia Kim: So, that’s accountability. You can find it really with people. I think that’s where it’s important to involve others. You can also do it with the planner, any planner, but obviously I have my Savor planner, and I write it down. I’m like, “This is when I’m going to do this and I’m going to commit to it.”

Writing it down, involving other people, and asking yourself, are you committed or are you interested, those, I think you’ll learn a lot when you start doing those things.

Tobi Fairley: I love it. So, I just recorded a podcast episode last night that’ll be coming out near yours too with my two accountability partners that I have. Right now, we’re working on being healthy and weight loss and that whole area of what we eat. I love that we can add this into that, which is amazing.

I have a current experience of how much accountability partners work, and I never really thought I needed them. I’m super independent, I’m a self-starter, it has been a major game-changer for me to have accountability partners, which has been amazing. I just wanted to add that in.

And then I want to talk about something that I think is part of this whole excuse story before we wrap up. Two things. I want to talk about the getting better at saying no, and I want to talk about the money story that comes in. There are certainly things we can do that are not super expensive for self-care.

You said even just sitting down to do your finances can be self-care. I think that I notice those two things, saying yes to everyone else and also spending money on yourself, or believing that even if you have it, that it’s a justified expense. You’re giving yourself permission to spend money on you. I think those are two things that I see come up more than anything with myself and my clients about taking care of themselves.

So, let’s talk about whichever one you want to talk about first, money or saying no. Let’s talk about both of those.

Angela Jia Kim: Okay, yeah. Okay, so let’s start with saying no and then I have a really cool thing for money. Okay, so you can’t say no if you don’t know what you want to say yes to. That’s why visioning is so important. You need to gain clarity on who you are, what your values are, and what you want from life. Once you gain clarity, then you’ve got a north star, and anything that’s not in that north star, then you’re not saying no, you’re saying yes if it’s important to you.

Tobi Fairley: Right. Yeah.

Angela Jia Kim: There are a lot of life distractions and, for example, I could have a lot of friends. I could hang out with whoever I want, but I know that I’m actually an introvert and I need space for myself, and I can’t give the way I want to give to everybody. So, I only have a handful of people that I really am very connected to and they have to have a certain value set and that’s very important to me.

That’s what’s I say yes to, or certain activities, or certain charities. There’s so many charities that you could give to, and I just know which ones really I feel aligned to authentically, and those are the ones I’m saying yes to and I’m committed to them. Saying no to everyone else, I’m not saying no to them, I’m just saying yes to what I’m –

Tobi Fairley: I love that. Yeah, so it’s just this whole idea of being intentional about what you’re saying yes to, which feels so much more positive and so much less painful than being that people-pleaser. I love that. It’s like your litmus test. You’re like, “These are all the things I’m saying yes to, which is amazing, and anything else, it’s okay, it doesn’t fit. No big deal.”

Angela Jia Kim: Right.

Tobi Fairley: Yeah, it’s really good. Okay. Perfect. And then what about the money?

Angela Jia Kim: I’ve been in every single financial situation where I’ve been broke and in debt and I’ve had a little money, making more money, making more money, and feeling successful. So, I’ve been in every single bucket. I can totally relate to every single bucket. To this day, even though I’ve achieved a certain level of success, I still think like that, how I did when I was younger, which is I opened up a bank account.

I called it the Savor bank account fund. Back then, I would even put just $5 in there every week and then it started to grow a little bit more, $10 and $20 and eventually I was able to save more and more money. That was where I could do anything in life that I wanted to, and that was really my self-care fund. If I wanted a massage, I never felt guilty for pulling from that fund. If I wanted a pair of shoes, I never felt guilty pulling from that fund.

Then it kept growing and I had a vacation fund. So then nothing felt guilty because I had saved for it all year long. I would really encourage your listeners to open up a Savor life fund, or whatever you want to call it, where you’re putting away 1% to 5% of your salary into it, as you can, and you’re developing that muscle of I’m just going to enjoy this. I’m not going to feel guilty, and I’m going to love every single moment of treating myself to whatever it is that you want to treat yourself to.

That’s what I think. If people are feeling guilty about getting that massage or if people are feeling guilty for treating themselves to whatever it is, I think that is a perfect way to start out.

Tobi Fairley: So genius. Everything you’ve talked about today, to me, my favorite part of it has been it’s so simple, none of it’s rocket science, it’s so simple, but it’s also a whole lot of excuse busting. Everything we would want to say, “No, but,” you’re like, “No, really, it’s this simple. It really is this simple.”

I think that’s amazing, especially because, and you know that, you know your audience so well, obviously, you’re dealing with women who are constantly having this litany of excuse of why we don’t have time or we don’t have money.

You’ve literally taken all their excuses away today in the best sort of way. I love it. I love it. Anything else that you would like to say before we wrap up, just to leave people with this belief that they can totally create self-care habits that are really going to change everything about their lives?

Angela Jia Kim: I think one of the greatest gifts that I gave to myself when I was in my 20s, when I was broke and not sure of where I was going, was I would say something that’s free. I did something that was free and probably the most powerful thing, and that’s saying affirmations.

Whatever it is that you want to attract, I think the greatest gift you can give yourself is to say over and over again the feeling that you want to have in life. So, let’s say you want to feel abundant. You would just walk down the street and just embody abundance. “I feel abundant. I feel abundant. Abundance. Abundance.”

That’s what I did in my 20s and I really think that that set an amazing foundation, because you start to fill your body with the feeling and what you feel is what you attract. I really believe that.

Tobi Fairley: Me too.

Angela Jia Kim: And then it’s almost like a meditative mantra. You’re saying it over and over again and pretty soon you start attracting that feeling and you feel it in your bones, right? I like that piece of advice because it’s free and anyone can do it.

Tobi Fairley: Yes. In a time where we’re all spending so much time trying to not feel our feelings, because we buffer them with everything from food to alcohol to Netflix to shopping, to all the things. I think it’s such smart advice to be tuning into not only how you do feel now, but creating the feeling that you really want in your life. It’s so smart. It’s very much aligned with the way I think, so I love that.

Angela Jia Kim: The second thing is, Tobi, if you’re ever in the city, in Manhattan, I would love to take you out for coffee for lunch, because I think like-minded women should always stand together to empower other women. I’ve really enjoyed my time with you and anytime you come to the city, please contact me.

Tobi Fairley: I for sure will. It is a date. And I love New York City with all of its toxins and everything. Maybe I’ll just also have to book a self-care experience at your spa while I’m there too.

Angela Jia Kim: Make the call, anytime.

Tobi Fairley: So much fun. Thank you so much. I think you really, truly did give so many nuggets that people can really put into practice right now. I’m going to commit to you and the world right now that I’m going to start washing my face for 60 seconds every single night, because you just took away all my excuses, so thank you for that. My face thanks you. I’m going to look so much younger, like 5 years from now.

Angela Jia Kim: You already look young.

Tobi Fairley: Thank you. Well, it was such a pleasure and I do appreciate you so much, and for all of your generosity with your ideas. Thank you so much for being here.

Angela Jia Kim: Thank you so much, Tobi.

Tobi Fairley: Incredible, right? I just love, again, how simple these nuggets, these just little, really kind of life hacks that Angela helped us discover on this episode. Again, there’s just no excuse. We all have 60 seconds y’all, whether we think so or not. We definitely have 60 seconds to take care of ourselves.

I just love it when I have wise, wise women who just help us break through our limiting beliefs and our self-destructive and self-sabotaging behavior, and I think that’s exactly what Angela helped us do today. Are you ready to go buy some of her products? I hope so. She sent them to me. She sent me a whole gift set of her Savor products, and as I said on the episode, I’m starting them tonight.

I can’t wait to report back on Instagram and my social media on how much I love them, because I already know I’m going to. I’ve smelled them. They smell amazing. I’m going to start my own ritual, just like we talked about, and I want you to be able to do that to and so does Angela.

If you want to get your hands on some of Angela’s amazing products or her Savor Beauty planner, the next 90 days, so you can really set some other habits in motion. You absolutely can do that at a special price, just for all the Tobi Design You listeners, and that code is TobiLove10.

So go to SavorBeauty.com and check out all of her regimens. They’re amazing smelling, I promise you. Again, I’m going to be able to talk about them again really soon, but who doesn’t want to go to the expertise of Korean beauty and put this into motion in our lives? I know I do.

I also want to hear how you’re taking her concepts and her philosophies and you’re putting those into practice in other tiny, small ways so that you start to bring self-love into your life more and more all year long. So go out onto Instagram and connect with Angela and me, because we’re both there. We can’t wait to talk to you. Send us direct messages, tag us in your stories, we want to know all about it.

I thank you so much for listening. I can’t wait to hear from each and every one of you really soon, all about how you’re loving yourself more in 2020. Bye for now.

Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of The Design You Podcast. And if you’d like even more support for designing a business and a life that you love then check out my exclusively monthly coaching program, Design You at TobiFairley.com.

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