You are listening to The Design You Podcast with Tobi Fairley, episode number 79.
Welcome to The Design You Podcast, a show where interior designers and creatives learn to say no to busy and say yes to more health, wealth, and joy. Here is your host, Tobi Fairley.
Okay friends, hold on to your seat, your hat, your everything because today I’m bringing you an interview with Gabby Bernstein. Yes, the Gabrielle Bernstein. And you may have seen her on Oprah, you may have read her amazing books, and today we’re talking about her brand-new book, Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams.
And I am so lucky to have gotten an advance copy of this book and I have literally read it cover to cover. There is so much in this book that is genius, that is simple, that is life-altering in every way, and I am just honored. I’m thrilled, honestly, to have Gabby on the show today to tell us about her new book.
And stay on until the end of the show and I’m going to tell you a couple of cool things we’re doing so maybe you can get your hands on a free copy of Gabby’s book. So I’ll be back after the interview but here is my amazing conversation with Gabby Bernstein.
Tobi: Hey Gabby, welcome to The Design You Podcast. I am so thrilled that you’re here.
Gabby: I’m so glad to be here too. Thank you for having me.
Tobi: So the reason you’re here is you have this phenomenal new book that I’ve gotten an advance copy of and I’ve read it cover to cover. It’s genius, and it’s called Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams. So give us just a little tiny synopsis of what this book is.
Gabby: Well, I have the subtitle, Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams but there’s a little secret, which is that while you may think that these are tools and little practices to attract what you want, they’re actually methods for feeling good. Because when we feel good, we become a super attractor.
So it’s being in an energy that is non-resistant, an energy that’s joyful. A belief system that’s having a positive expectation and anticipation of what’s coming that allows us to be a magnet for what we desire. So that’s what this book is about. It’s a book about having fun, feeling good, and then really reclaiming your energy and point of attraction.
Tobi: And I love that so much because so often, whether it’s in life or business or whatever, we’re not saying hey, let’s just go feel good. In fact, a lot of times that feels like we’re not doing enough or we’re not really working or whatever. And I love that you were so transparent because you even said I found myself overworking again and out of alignment and I was like, I’ve got to figure this out, and that’s how the book came about, right?
Gabby: Exactly, because here I was – sorry, my phone is making noises. And I have a little bit of a cold, everybody listening, because my nine-month-old son had got his first cold and then guess what? Mommy got her first cold in a long time from him. But that’s totally cool. Worth every second. So what was I saying?
Tobi: I was saying how you had found yourself…
Gabby: You nailed it, so here is the story. We think that we have to work so hard to get what we want and we make feeling good an afterthought when feeling good is how we get what we want, and that’s the message. My husband and I, we’ve been going through so much lately because there are so many details. My husband runs my business, and there are so many details and travels and hotels and flights. And then venues that we’re renting and event planners and all the details that go into launching a book and a baby that’s coming along the way with us on the tour. Not another one on the way.
So we’re on this everyday grind and we can’t be in it as a grind. We have to be in it as appreciation, gratitude for all the abundance and all the joy. So there’s two ways to look at all situations. Yesterday my husband came downstairs and he said, I realized I can’t look at everything with frustration. I have to look at it all with love. And I said oh, you must have a really great spiritual teacher.
Tobi: And you’ve read a really good book recently.
Gabby: Several great spiritual books, wow. Thank you, sir. Glad you remembered. The truth is that he’s right. In any situation, we can face it with love or fear, and even the scariest, most dark, difficult situations in our life, and I’ve had plenty of them. Plenty of them to speak to.
The real true recovery and healing that has come for me has only come from my ability to face it with love. And it doesn’t mean that there wasn’t fear or judgment, separation, all along the way but I had to continue to go back to love.
Tobi: Yes, it’s genius. And the funny thing is that the best ideas I think like this are so simple. Sometimes so simple that we dismiss them as being too simple. Like it couldn’t be that easy to just come back to love. It surely has to be something major.
Gabby: That’s so great that you’re identifying it like that and just bringing that out in that way and saying it that way. It’s so – thank you. You’re really, really bringing this to light, thank you.
Tobi: Well, as you can tell, I really read and took to heart every word. And there were some times that I really saw myself in the book. Couple of things in particular when you were talking about overworking and there were two things that jumped out at me. One, you talk about pushers, which are people who try to push and control their goals to feel safe, and how when we’re pushing things through, we’re actually blocking ourselves from this energy to attract.
So I’m a pusher and I didn’t know I was a pusher until now and I so am. So what do we do if we’re a pusher and we are actually keeping ourselves away from the things we want the most?
Gabby: Listen, you’re so cool. I love all your questions. So we push and control, like I said, in order to feel safe because when things feel out of control, we think we have to do something. But in reality, we can’t do anything until we’re spiritually aligned. And in Super Attractor, I talk about the spiritually aligned action method.
So this takes off the pressure. I’m not going to go there quite yet because I want you to read the book to get that method. But the more important message that I can answer to you now is that when we are in that pushy controlling energy, we’re actually blocking what we want. We’re getting in the way. You’ve probably found many times that when you’re pushing, you actually make mistakes or you send an email that you should never have sent.
And I do it all the time. I want to make sure that everything’s working and get on top of it all, but we have to take that beat and start to tap into our faith before we take that action. We’ll get into that in the book. I’m not going to give you the whole thing now. But let’s first begin by recognizing just like you did, how that pushy, controlling energy is completely blocking our mojo. Blocking our attracting power, blocking us from being super attractors.
Tobi: Well, and you even go on to say that society really make us believe that we’re supposed to do this stuff. So when I was reading this I was like, oh my gosh yes, because you’re saying we have this belief and understanding that it’s all about the struggle and perseverance and sacrifice, and I’ve been feeling that way for years. And when I read that you said you believed you had to suffer to succeed and you always felt like you were fighting and there was always more to do.
I mean, I guess that’s essentially that fight or flight thing we all say we’re in, but it’s so true that we carry that around like, I don’t know, a mantra or a belief about everything. And you’re saying it’s actually the opposite of what gets us what we want, right?
Gabby: Yes, ma’am.
Tobi: So we think we have to feel bad; the truth is we have to feel good.
Gabby: You nailed it. We think we have to feel bad in order to feel good. We have to feel good in order to feel good. The suffering – and that’s a very American mentality too. I don’t want to really speak for other cultures that I’m not a part of, but I think it’s a very American mentality. It’s like, push, push, push to get, get, get.
Tobi: So what happens I’m seeing with your book and you saying feeling good has to be our highest priority, and then we just go through life and we’re assaulted by the news and we’re assaulted by social media. Does that mean we turn all that stuff off?
Because I know you said you have to be able to have happiness in the midst of difficulty, so what does that look like on a day-to-day basis? Are we literally saying I’m no longer going on social media, I need to be happy? Or we can learn to be happy while we’re in the midst of the news and the social and the stuff?
Gabby: I think it’s a two-part process. I think that we cannot be apathetic to the news of the world right now. We have an election coming up in America. We have to play our role. We have to be conscious human beings that are ready to take an action and do our part and not ignore the realities of what’s happening.
But, but, but, we also don’t have to watch it in the middle of the night, we don’t have to watch it the moment we wake up in the morning. We can become more conscious and disciplined about the ways that we take in our media. We can unfollow people that are low vibe. We can unfollow on our social feed news anchors and things like this so we don’t get that all day long when we’re just trying to figure out what to eat for dinner.
So it’s really more about being more disciplined and more structured about how you take in the negative information. And I don’t want people to be apathetic to the world because we have to wake up and be real about what’s going on, but we can’t take it on. We can’t force ourselves to take on information all throughout the day just because we think we need to. We have to do it when we feel safe enough to do it.
Tobi: Yeah, and we have to release that belief of struggle or we’ll just keep going back to the news. If we can start to comprehend okay wait, I’m supposed to feel good in the day, that gives me permission to not be looking at that all the time. I think that was huge for me.
So one of my favorite chapters in the book – and I won’t give too much away, but I just want to give people a little preview of some of the things in it because I was reading these and it’s chapter number three with your seven blocks to being a super attractor, and no kidding, you read this and I think almost every human on the planet is going to be like, I’m all of those things.
I mean, just a few of them that jumped out were believing in lack and there’s not enough to go around and comparing ourself to others and fearing rejection. Isn’t that like, the life story of so many of us going through the motions every day? So tell me without giving too much away because of course, they have to read the book. They cannot get the genius of this in a 25-minute interview. But when they get to chapter three, how do they start to see themselves in these blocks and then move out of them?
Gabby: Well, what I really wanted a reader to see is that we all have those blocks. I noticed the pattern in such a big way when I started leading a spiritual business training called The Spirit Junkie Masterclass, digital and live course. And I noticed that when thousands of people were coming to this training, so many of them had the common issue of lack, with comparison, judgment, self-judgment, judging others.
And then of course I recognized it in myself. I’ve recovered from a lot of it. I wrote a book on judgment that I had to live in order to live it. When I say recovered, it doesn’t me it doesn’t plague me at times, but I’m not believing in it. So I knew that this was one of the biggest blocks to being a super attractor because when we’re in any form of separation, we’re not aligned with the spiritual connection that is what gives us what we desire.
So I had to call out all those issues so that we could recognize and identify ourselves. And so then we can begin to heal them and change them and transform them. In that chapter, I give the practices on how to transcend those belief systems. The first step that people can do right now is identify how judgment, how lack, how comparison, how separation, and how self-attack and many others are blocking them from allowing themselves to feel good, and then in effect, allowing themselves to be a super attractor.
Tobi: Yeah, I love it. Gosh, there’s so much goodness here. So I think the beginning of the book is sort of that awareness of like, oh my gosh, we all do these things, we all have these things, we don’t have to beat ourselves up about them, but good grief, get out of your own way. Because we’re holding ourselves in these patterns unknowingly, and I loved that awareness.
And then you take us through some tools and steps that are amazing. But you also talk about really loosening our grip on relying on ourselves and opening up to a higher power. So depending on how people believe, it could be god, it could be the universe, it could be whatever their beliefs are, but really, you’re teaching us kind of what a lot of us have heard our whole lives, depending on our background, of just let go of some of that stuff. And I loved where you said faith is not hoping god will help you but knowing help is on the way.
Gabby: That’s actually a quote I read in a church bathroom one time. And I was like, oh yeah, oh good, that’s a good one.
Tobi: So I think sometimes we know that we want to believe this, and that’s what you’re saying there and that’s what that quote was saying. Like we hope this is true but then we’re still the pushers. So how can we start to trust that help is truly on the way?
Gabby: This is going to sound so ridiculous but read Super Attractor.
Tobi: I mean, it is, and I know you don’t want to give it all away but gosh, there’s so…
Gabby: No, but I guess the main message is that it’s a practice and it’s a journey. And strengthening your faith in some ways requires receiving guidance because we’ve been so programmed to believe that we’re in control of our circumstances and that we don’t have spiritual support around us. And so I’m asking readers to have a mental reconditioning and to start to claim that there is guidance beyond their own and to tap into that guidance and feel that guidance.
And so we won’t be able to feel that guidance completely and fully and know that help is on the way if we don’t truly, truly surrender. And that surrender sounds like an easy practice, but for many people it requires commitment and guidance. That’s why I wrote so much about this in the book because I want the reader to feel like there is a path and a plan to help them surrender. Because when you just tell somebody to surrender, they’re like, go screw yourself.
Tobi: Or they try it for a week or two until it gets hard and then they’re like, crap, I have to step back in. And that’s the very time you can’t step back in, right?
Gabby: That’s right. And this whole book is on surrender. So it’s like, just follow my lead. I don’t mean to be just flippant and say go read the book, whatever, but I really mean it. The answers are there. The guidance is there. And surrender requires a practice and I’m going to give it to you.
Tobi: I love it so, so much. And as we were talking about that, I was also remembering the part in the book – because I can relate this not only to my own spiritual practice and not being a pusher, but also letting the people around me, my team and other people support me. Because a lot of my audience and listeners are either solopreneurs that maybe have added one team member, or creative business owners that have a few team members.
But a lot of times we’re not letting those people support us either. And you talk about this one particular friend/team member of yours that was an event planner that every time she was in charge, you could just let go because you knew she was going to take care of you. So does this same kind of surrender happen both spiritually and then in our day-to-day with the people around us, with our friends, with our spouses, with our team members? Or is it kind of the same process?
Gabby: Oh yeah. We have to surrender everything. And I think that allowing people to support you is a big part of the surrendering practice.
Tobi: Yeah, so for those of us who are type A and who have been pushers and controllers and thought that we had to work really hard to make a lot of money and succeed for – let’s not say how old we are but let’s just say, 20 to 30 years of this practice. Yeah, I think that’s one of the hardest parts to trust those people.
Even this morning, before this call I was thinking okay, channel super attractor because here you are stepping back in to take something back over that you gave away and I was hearing your concept of just channel love and you won’t have that resistance. So is it just as simple as that? Do we put Post-It notes on our computer and our mirror and everywhere to say just channel love? Is it that simple?
Gabby: Yes, it’s a consistent reminder but it’s also something that requires practices daily that will keep you in alignment with that connection, and that’s what this book is going to give you.
Tobi: And you talk some about things like morning routines, so it’s interesting because it feels to me like it’s this really cool mix of complete release and complete discipline, which can kind of seem counterintuitive but they go together so beautifully.
Gabby: That’s right.
Tobi: Okay, so anything else that you want us to know about Super Attractor? Because gosh, it is – you can tell that I have rave reviews about it. People I hope are just dying to go read the seven blocks and see if they have all seven and the answer is you do, I promise. So what else? They need to get the book, they need to just start.
So many things are okay now you need to do all these new things, and we all have a belief that we’re already too busy. So maybe any tips into starting to ease this into our lives, or do we have to go cold turkey? Or what do they do once they read the book?
Gabby: Another good question. This is not a book that’s going to require heavy lifting and deep soul searching. It’s a book on giving subtle shifts for change. And so you don’t have to be intimidated or overwhelmed by the practice. My only request for everyone is their willingness to feel better and as a result, be a super attractor. So that’s it. That’s all I’m asking of the reader. Just get yourself ready by being willing, being willing to feel good.
Tobi: So the minute they feel kind of bad creeping in, that should just cue them to go okay, now from the book or from my thinking, what can I do to move back into feeling good.
Gabby: That’s right.
Tobi: So is that your sort of summary of where to go? Just make feeling good a priority? Is that how we leave them? Is there anything else you want people to know about Super Attractor?
Gabby: No, you nailed it. Make feeling good a priority. The steps within the book will guide you there. Let yourself be led and guided and trust that you are 100% a super attractor.
Tobi: I love it. I love it. Thank you so much for sharing some insights and wisdom and especially just for writing this book, for those of us, who like you, were finding ourself struggling and overworking even when we were trying our best not to. It is brilliant. And I’m just super grateful you were here and I know you don’t feel well and your schedule’s packed because the book comes out like, right now. So I thank you so much and I know my listeners thank you too.
Gabby: Thank you, mama.
Tobi: Bye Gabby.
Okay, so all I can say is get your hands on this book. Seriously. Who does not want to step away from beliefs like you have to work really hard to make a lot of money and that we have to struggle to be successful? I know I don’t want that anymore and I love Gabby’s thinking, I love her tools, I love how doable they are, and I really, really love this idea of allowing god or a higher power, whatever you believe to step in and really take some of this weight off of you. The struggle away.
So if you want to know more about this, if you want to go see if the seven blocks to your superpower of getting the life and manifesting the life you want, if those blocks are applying to you, and I promise you they are, because I can see myself in every one of them, then hurry and get your hands on this book and one way you can do that is to head over to The Design You Podcast community.
So to find The Design You Podcast group, you go to facebook.com/groups/designyoupodcastcommunity. And you can see the really cool thing I’m doing with 100 of Gabby’s books. So go join the community and get the book. And here’s wishing you a life beyond your wildest dreams and I really believe Gabby has a lot of information on how to get there.
So thanks for listening today. Thank you so much Gabby for joining me. It was such an honor, and I’ll see all of you back here again next week with another great episode of The Design You Podcast. Bye for now.
Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of The Design You Podcast. And if you’d like even more support for designing a business and a life that you love, then check out my exclusive monthly coaching program Design You at tobifairley.com.