Ep #243: The Loving Principles

As we head into the holiday season (Happy Thanksgiving, y’all!), many of us are figuring out how to return to seeing our families for the first time in two years. This last year has been bumpy and uncomfortable for a lot of people as we’ve been navigating a “return to normal” that doesn’t really exist. There is a lot of uncertainty, and I wanted to address that in the podcast this week.

Lots of people are looking for a roadmap, and I think the only roadmap we ever really need is a roadmap of love. That’s why I’m sharing a framework we use in our business called The Loving Principles. This framework allows us to see how loving we can be to ourselves and others as we build our business.

One of the beautiful things about The Loving Principles is that you can evaluate how you are seeing them in your life at any time, and keep them in mind all year long. I am excited for you to learn about these principles and see you build them into your lives and businesses.

What You'll Learn From This Episode

  • What each of the six Loving Principles are.
  • How to practice each principle.
  • Questions to yourself about each principle and about being loving in general.
  • How to be more loving to yourself.
  • Why I want you to have this in your toolbox.

Featured On The Show

Full Episode Transcript

You are listening to The Design You Podcast with Tobi Fairley, episode number 243.

Welcome to The Design You Podcast. A show where interior designers and creatives learn to say no to busy and say yes to more health, wealth and joy, here’s your host, Tobi Fairley.

Hey there friends and happy thanksgiving to all of you living in or from America. We are celebrating today but I am actually recording this episode just a few days before thanksgiving. And I’m recording it the night before I’m flying to Maui. Maui and thanksgiving, it’s going to be one of my very few if not first, I’m trying to remember, vacations combined with thanksgiving. So I have been away from my own home but always just in another family member’s home I think for thanksgiving.

Once when I was 12 we did a Christmas away in Colorado for a ski trip which was so fun. And it’s really one of my favorite memories. So I’m thinking this Maui thanksgiving is going to rank right up there for me and hopefully for my daughter too because we’re going with my parents and my brother and his kids and we’re all going to be there together, so really fun.

So I typically like to keep my thanksgiving episodes pretty short and sweet because I hope that most of you listening are enjoying family and friends today if you’re listening the day this comes out. Or if you’re listening on the weekend that you’re putting up your tree or something much more important than being here at the podcast. But it is such a blessing for most of us to be back to normal or pretty darn close to normal and being with our loved ones this year compared to the COVID years.

So I want you to soak up every minute of all of those people in person, not distracted, not with your headphones in your ear. Because there is nothing like two years where we couldn’t be with our people to remind us how grateful we are for in person meals, and hugs, and laughs, and community, and fellowship and all the things, it’s just so, so good. Now, you may have heard me say in last week’s episode with Jadah Sellner that in a lot of ways this year 2022, has seemed harder than the pandemic years, not counting the sickness of course.

The sickness that people had was so bad. But there’s something about this year where we’re kind of supposedly back to normal and were trying to restart or re-enter the world and restart many things that in a lot of ways is really bumpy right now. It’s bumpy, it’s hard, it’s uncomfortable. Life was totally different post pandemic or pre pandemic. And now that we’re post pandemic, there’s a lot of new stuff, a lot of changes, a lot of things have shifted. And we don’t really have roadmap for it yet. So we’re just not quite sure.

And I think we’re also really gun shy from all the uncertainty that we had in the last few years of is something else going to come up? So here’s what I have for you for today. I have a roadmap for you because I think that the only roadmap we ever really need is a roadmap of love. And I think leading with love is always the answer to every single situation. So I wanted to tell you about a framework, we call it the loving principles but I really think of it as a framework that we use in our business and L-O-V-I-N-G stands for leadership, operations, visibility, impact, numbers and growth.

And we strive to see how loving to ourselves and others we can be in each of these six areas. I love a good framework and it’s the perfect litmus test any time we’re making decisions to help remind us what we value as we’re making those decisions. So in this particular framework what we ask is how can we be more loving in these six areas? For example in leadership, giving someone the benefit of the doubt when they’ve missed a deadline especially during the holidays. Maybe giving them an extension instead of getting upset. That’s how to be more loving in leadership.

Or maybe in operations, it’s not starting a new big project in December that will have us all stressed out during the holidays. It’s postponing that start date until the new year. It’s more loving to take it a little easier towards the end of the year, not only for me but for my team and even for our customers. So we try to calm things down and that definitely fits in with our values and the loving framework.

If you look at the V for visibility, the way we’re being more loving with our visibility is making sure we’re using our own press, or platforms, or power to amplify not just me but also our team, our clients, other people doing amazing things in the world. So it’s not just about my visibility but others. And we also make sure that where I am being visible in the world, especially if it’s a speaking engagement or some collaboration that we’re really being mindful and being mindful of inclusion and equity in all of those situations. And those are just a couple of examples.

So I think you see now how the framework works and it’s really the same if you keep going through the rest of the letters of loving, it’s impact for I, numbers for N which means our financials, where our money goes. How do we be more loving with our numbers, bigger donations if we can to charity or other things that we can do around finances. Maybe bigger bonuses or bonuses at all for team members, the way we spend money during this time of year but all year is really important to be coming from this loving place for us.

And then then G would be with growth, so loving growth is really the right mix or I don’t even know that there’s a right, the loving mix I would say of ambition without a hustle pace. So we love to push ourselves, and grow, and do new things. But once we kind of tip over into that hustle pace where it’s feeling like we’re racing against deadlines all the time then we’ve moved out of a loving form of growth.

So as we move through this thanksgiving holiday, me and you, those of you listening and even into the December holidays which for some of you might be Hannukah are Kwanzaa, for me it’s Christmas. Maybe it’s another holiday or maybe you don’t even celebrate the holidays at all this time of year. But you can still practice the loving framework. So if you don’t have a holiday season then just apply it sort of to your year end or your month of December.

But here’s what I want you to ask yourself. How can I or we if it’s you and a team, or you and a spouse, or somebody doing this with you, how can I be more loving in general? And then thinking about the different ways you can be loving, more loving. And again, remember, it’s for you and others. So you might say, can I stop work a little early during December and spend more time with friends, old friends, new friends, maybe with my kiddos? Can I wrap up projects and not start something new this time of year?

Can I spend time prepping for the new year so it starts off so much smoother and less hectic than normal because I’m prepared and planned ahead. Maybe if I know I’m going to have a really busy holiday season and I can’t do a lot about it, can I add in more selfcare and more relaxation like massages or naps, or healthy breakfasts and lunches because I know I’m going to be eating lots of yummy things at dinner and in the evenings. And might not get in enough veggies and things that make me feel good.

Can I up my water intake this month just because I’m going to be super busy and I’m going to forget to drink water if I’m not careful. And I also may be having more alcoholic drinks which could be dehydrating, or more coffee, or more treats. Again, I’m a fan of all those things. So I’m not one to say, cut back but what could you add in to be more loving to yourself?

Can I take vacation days if I have them and spend some time doing the things that I want to do, not vacation days hopefully to go shop for other people. Hopefully you have time to do that baby on weekends or in evening’s but I’d love to see you be loving to yourself and maybe even a friend, or your mum, or a kiddo, and spend maybe a spa day on your vacation day. Or just hop out of town for a weekend and leave Friday, Saturday and Sunday and take a three day weekend and go somewhere festive or relaxing, it sounds really indulgent.

Heck, you could even just go to a movie by yourself in the middle of the day but do you have vacation days and time? Or if you work for yourself, will you plan some Friday’s off or some time off to do some things just for you? And when you’re dealing with family during the holidays it can be so challenging. So also ask yourself how can I be more loving to both them and me? Because maybe it’s giving them the benefit of the doubt, maybe it’s letting their words roll off you without making them mean something personal or negative which can be really hard to do.

But maybe the most loving thing, especially for you, is limiting the time that you spend with certain people. So maybe you don’t have to say no, but maybe you just spend a little less time or maybe you do some of those selfcare things we talked about, right before you go spend time with them. Whatever it takes to get you in the place that’s really healthy and loving for you this holiday season. When things get hard, friends, this loving idea, this loving framework is so helpful.

So I want you to have it in your toolbox, your mental toolbox so that you can pull it out as often as you need it, even if you’re asking it multiple times a day during the holidays, which we get so busy, that might be a need that you have. But just pull it out of your kind of mental toolbox and ask yourself how can I be more loving in this situation, or how can we be more loving in this situation?

Even with your kiddos, they get so stressed out with school and are excited. And sometimes we see them not being on their absolute best behavior when we’re trying to think gosh, do they not know that they’re going to want all those presents. But maybe we just give them a little bit more of the benefit of the doubt. Maybe we give them a little bit more space. Maybe we give them a few more hugs and not take things personally.

But whatever you do, don’t forget to keep yourself in the equation. Because the goal isn’t to be loving to everyone but you. It’s how do I act more loving in this situation to everyone including you. It’s a gamechanger, friends, I promise. Now, I’m going to go back and pack my suitcase, or finish packing, I’m almost done. And wrap up this episode so I can head to Maui, which is definitely more loving to me.

And I hope when you’re listening especially if it’s on Thanksgiving Day here in America, that you also are going to check out, put down the podcast and go be loving to yourself and have another piece of pumpkin pie. Okay, have one for me, I don’t know if I’ll have one in Maui, hopefully so. But I will be back here next week, friends and I will see you then.

This is my big loving hug to you and happy thanksgiving wherever you are, even if you’re in Canada and you had thanksgiving a month ago, know how super grateful I am for each and every one of you that listen. And I’ll see you here next week, bye for now friends.

Thank you so much for listening to The Design You Podcast, and if you are ready to dig deep and do the important work we talk about here on the podcast of transforming your mindset and creating a scalable online business model, there has never been a more important time than right now. So, join me and the incredible creative entrepreneurs in my Design You coaching program today. You can get all the details at

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Hi! I'm Tobi

I help creative women (and a few really progressive dudes) design profit-generating, soul-fulfilling businesses that let them own their schedule, upgrade their life and feel more alive than ever!

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