You are listening to the Design You podcast with Tobi Fairley, episode number 116.
Welcome to the Design You podcast. A show where interior designers and creatives learn to say no to busy and say yes to more health, wealth and joy. Here’s your host, Tobi Fairley.
Hey, all you creatives, hey, all you type A creatives. If you own a business and you’re constantly trying to figure out how to make your business work while at the same time being healthy and at your ideal weight, then you’re going to love today’s episode.
Today I have my friend, Corinne Crabtree on the show. And, Corinne is a master life coach and she teaches women how to lose weight through her private weight loss membership and her public podcast. So, Corinne lost 100 pounds about 15 years ago and ever since that time she has been teaching women how to do the same so that they can live the life that they really deserve. And on today’s episode we talk about how there is so much overlap, there is so much similarity in growing a business and losing weight and I think you’re really going to love it.
So even if you don’t have any weight to lose you’re still going to love this episode. Because there’s so much commonsense, and wisdom, and aha moments about both weight loss and growing a business, which require you to really show up and do what you say you really want to do. So if you fall into either or both of those camps, then get out your pen and paper and get ready for a ton of truth bombs from my friend, Corinne Crabtree.
Tobi: Hey, Corinne. Welcome to the Design You podcast. I’m so excited that you’re here.
Corinne: Well, I’m glad to be here. I feel like you and I are becoming good friends these days.
Tobi: I know, I love it, I’m so honored, I think you’re a genius. And I love to surround myself with powerhouse women who are just figuring shit out and making stuff work, and you’re just so good at that. And that’s why I wanted to bring you on for my audience today, because some of them have heard me talk about you, but not near enough based on how much they need you. And so I thought we’ve got to get Corinne on the show and let people know about your genius.
So tell everybody what you do, just like the short – tell them whatever you want to tell them and then we’re going to get into some kind of nitty gritty about work and weight loss and all the things.
Corinne: So I grew up an overweight kid, bullied, all the things, tell people all the time I came out of the womb – well, no, I actually came out the womb not that overweight. But then when I hit nine I gained all my weight, so all my skinny years were during the years that nobody cared, it was like running around the second grade it didn’t matter. So gained weight, struggled with it all my life.
And then basically once I had my son, I had been up and down the scale from 175 to 250 numerous time. And had a kid, and after he was a year old I was really struggling just emotionally, physically, all the things. And really decided I was going to lose weight, I made a commitment to myself that for the first time I was just going to figure it out this time. I was not going to – there was no rush, there was nothing, it was like this is what we are doing.
And started just making slow changes, lost weight and then once I did that I felt so compelled to help other people, because I struggled for so long and I was like, “Nobody out there is really helping us, everyone deserves weight loss.” And so I started a business on it and just on my couch with a laptop and an idea, and just that’s how everything started. And now I actually have a membership and I teach people, and I have a podcast, I have all the things.
But it all started with two major decisions, one for the weight loss was I’m going to figure it out, and losing the weight. And the second one was I’m going to help other people and I’m going to figure it out.
Tobi: Yeah, it’s so good, and let’s just be clear for people, it’s not like a little piddly membership, you have thousands of people in your membership, right?
Corinne: Yeah. We’re at right now over 9,000 right now.
Tobi: That is incredible, that gives me chills, just like we could have a whole business conversation just on that, if we wanted to. Well, you’re going to have to come back a few times so we can get all the things in. But I mean that is incredible, and I love that you’re helping so many women, and you only work with women in your membership, right?
Corinne: Right, right, yeah, I have a big demand from dudes who want to work with me because I’m – well, you know I’m no bullshit, I just tell it like it is, there is no sugar coating it, and they tend to really resonate. And I’m like, “No, just for the women, get out, listen to the podcast.”
Tobi: Get out.
Corinne: Man, you have everything; you’re not getting this too.
Tobi: I love it, yeah. Well, and the thing is I mean if we’re honest, yes, they resonate with what you say, but it is as we both know when you’re building a business, it is difficult to talk to multiple groups of people at once. And so you can relate to a specific person and she knows exactly you’re talking to her, which is so good, yeah, I love that. Well, I’m sorry for the dudes and they should listen to your podcast if they want to learn from you about business or weight loss or any other things.
But let’s get into this whole conversation because I’ve been in your membership since last April. So here’s the fascinating thing, I’ve been one of those people that has gained and lost the same 15-25 pounds for years. And I’ve always considered myself from the time I was – I was probably 10 or 12 when I started emotional eating, all the chips and French onion dip in the afternoon after school to deal with my emotions. And I was never super overweight but always enough that it was just felt like a problem to me. I didn’t, you know, I wasn’t quite where I wanted to be.
And so I’ve, like so many people in your audience, I’ve done every diet and all of the all or nothing, and then I ‘fall off the wagon’ and then the punitive, I’m going to really get it together this time. And so one of the things that’s been really a huge shift for me when I joined PNP last April was it was dropping all of that. You teach people to literally drop all of that. And it’s not like I’m going to come in here and in three months before swimsuit season get all this weight off and be back in my skinny jeans.
This is a process of literally, for me at least, and I know a lot of your people, like digging into the whys and being willing to go backwards and forwards, and I lost 15 pounds, and in corona I’ve put seven back on. And we even had conversations of are you willing for it to look like failure to figure out what’s really the issue underneath all of that. So talk a little bit about that, about how what you do is different, because it is not like the latest fad diet. In fact, you’re like get rid of all of that BS, and it’s about just commonsense and consistent, right?
Corinne: Yeah, because it really starts with, what I try to tell people is, think about every diet you’ve ever done and why it didn’t work. At some point it was because you likely overate and then immediately started telling yourself what a failure you are, you’re never going to get it off, that kind of stuff. Or you had a bad day, like you’re really good at your chicken and your broccoli until the first day a co-worker or a client or somebody has some bullshit to say to you. And then all of a sudden it’s like I really, tonight I just deserve to eat whatever I want, and a break, all this other stuff.
And so I always remind people that, because when you’re trying to lose weight, your diet, whatever you pick and whatever you’re going to do is only going to stand up to your worst moments. And if you can’t find something that you’re willing to do in your worst moment so that you can handle your life without eating, you’re probably going down the wrong trail.
The reason why I keep everything very commonsense is because we don’t really need a lot of complicated meal plans; we don’t need to count the calories and stuff. What we have to do is keep it so basic that when life throws shit at you, you still know what to do, it’s not hard. It’s not like pulling the trigger. And the way that I teach it, it’s like you were saying, and then the coronavirus hits, and I’ve noticed I’ve gained seven pounds. It’s when the basics are so simple, you know real fast when you’re not doing that.
Tobi: Totally, yeah, there is no surprise of what I did, I can see exactly what I did so I can fix it, yeah.
Corinne: Yeah. And that’s the other thing is when it’s really simple, it’s easier to autocorrect when you notice you’re off track. It’s like restarting, the things that I teach to lose weight, aren’t hard. Now, if you have to go out and food prep and you have to only make chicken and broccoli and you have to do all these other things, that’s really hard. So the getting back to it has to also – you have to be able to get back to it very fast and easy.
So keeping steps simple makes it easy to get back to it when you naturally get off track, because everybody always will. There’s no diet, there’s not one person I’ve ever met who’s lost weight, including myself, who will not tell you that there were times while they were losing weight, shit wasn’t happening or they weren’t working, one or the other always happens. It’s what is your process for that, so what is it going to take to get back? And if it’s going to take herculean effort, you’re probably not going to do it.
But if the process is so simple that it’s easy to get that started so you can unwind mentally what was going on, you’re way more likely to figure it out. So if you’re gaining weight during coronavirus, it’s probably because you have decided to re-use an old excuse, which is this is happening, I really just need to take a break right now. Something has to give, because if this is happening, I can’t be doing this too.
So I start – what I do is I teach people how to notice when they’re doing it, they call bullshit on themselves, if they tell me how, so if you were back at chips and French onion dip.
Tobi: Thankfully no, but that could have been in the realm of possibility.
Corinne: But let’s just say that was the thing, I would be like, “Okay, so let’s talk about it. Tell me how it solved things, like what did it actually fix? Or did it just take your mind off your problems for a minute and then you went back to still worrying about the coronavirus and now you’re worrying about your weight?” And when you start pulling it all apart you’re like, “Okay, food is truly not solving something, even if I keep telling myself, it’s helping me feel better right now.”
Tobi: Yeah, totally. And the beautiful thing is that through this process you bring in life coaching, and your weight loss experience and genius and all that together. And I think what’s great about it is you help people, as you were just saying, figure out their pattern. So for me it makes perfect sense when I look at, okay, coronavirus I gained seven pounds.
I look at what I was doing, it’s exactly what I’m doing when it’s not coronavirus and I’m not eating the way that serves me. It was just, okay, now I have to hold up my whole community and I’m doing all these calls and I’m working longer hours. I started fudging on my schedule and I started staying up later and all these things.
And so my story is I am tired, I need to eat something so I can keep going. And then the next thing you know it’s a little bit here and then you’re eating, you know, even if it’s coconut milk ice-cream, when I’m eating it out of the carton at 9 o’clock at night, we’ve got a problem.
Corinne: We’re not hungry, we’re just tired.
Tobi: Totally, totally. And so I think that’s what’s so beautiful about it. So I think, let’s talk about how in general this is so important, because whether people are listening that need to lose weight, and they’re going to want to work with you, I promise, and we’ll tell you how later, friends. But it’s that whole thing of how we do one thing is how we do everything.
And so whether people are needing to lose weight or they’re needing to get their business together, in fact one of my accountability partners who’s in PNP also, she has lost her weight, so now she’s taken all your principles. And she’s like, “I’m making realistic plans for my work day. And I’m making realistic plans for how I actually start to make money.” But let’s talk about that because I know there is a huge component of time management. But I think the bigger issue is showing up for yourself and doing what you say you’re going to do, so how do people learn to do that?
Corinne: So one concept that I teach is a minimum baseline. So I really talk to people about easiest barrier to entry, what is the minimum baseline? So when you’re thinking about planning your time, most of us do, you had mentioned going to bed tired at night. And this is a symptom that people who overwork or overwhelm and then overwork, I know a lot of people who do this, they’re very overwhelmed all day long and then they ram and jam all their work in at the last possible minute, because they’re procrastinating all day.
So understanding when you are emotionally wearing yourself out versus actually being tired because you worked hard, there’s two different components there. So what I teach people to do is let’s not start either with work or with our food in a way that’s so hard that you are going to have make yourself, force yourself, feel deprived, go through the emotional fire all day long, so that you’re ending the day so exhausted.
I’m all about people going to bed tired, but I want you going to bed tired because you gave it your all, you spent your entire day trying to be the best version of you, talking lusciously to yourself, that’s one version of tired. Another version of tired is telling yourself all day long you’re never going to get your shit together. You’re never going to lose weight. You’re never going to be able to figure out how to build your business and stuff. And then just making yourself do the work. And then at the end of the day you always are tired and you always need a break, you need a break from yourself.
So I think what I try to teach people to do is all of that has to be fixed, and while you’re fixing that you cannot set yourself up to be doing what you think you should be doing.
Tobi: Exactly, yes.
Corinne: You have to start with, alright, I’m going to give myself a fighting chance. What’s the one thing or the three things, like I never plan for more than three things in a day, even in my business, and I run a big one. And I always have these are the three things I have to get done today. These are the three things that absolutely can get done today.
Tobi: I love that, yeah.
Corinne: And they are the things that get on the list.
Tobi: And people think that that’s not possible, and that’s what I love about you, because you’re running a multimillion dollar business as the CEO, as the lead lady saying, “I only do three things a day.”
But the difference with most people is sort of that all or nothing. They’re like, well, I’m going to do 15 things today and tomorrow I’m not even going to be able to get out of bed. And the next day I’ll want to procrastinate and by the end of the week ‘I’m off the wagon’. And you’re just, it’s the same thing, it’s that commonsense of three things every day equals 15 key things at the end of the week, which is a lot of stuff, yeah.
Corinne: Yeah. And it’s the key things, this is why I grow, and I have been doing this for a long time. I started off as a one woman show for many years and I literally have always been very focused on the three most important things today, these have to get done. Now, that doesn’t mean you don’t do other things, but they don’t get done before the three keys. How I do my business is I always have my three keys, and I have this like what I call parking lot of things. I happen to use the sauna, that’s where we keep everything.
Tobi: We do too, yeah.
Corinne: So when the three things are done, if I’m wanting to do more stuff, guess what, it’s all there and it’s all waiting on me and I can go through and start picking off, what’s the easiest thing to get done? What’s the easiest thing to get done? What’s the easiest thing to get done? That’s pretty much how I do every single day.
Tobi: Yeah, that’s great, because I was about to ask you, what about – I was about to say, okay, so people are starting to get this concept, and are like that would be amazing if I could just focus on three things. A lot of the people that listen are small businesses and have either no employees or two or three. But it feels like that to do list is always like 99 items, and so if you just pick three.
I think the problem a lot of times where weight loss or weight gain and work, and building a business go hand in hand is we’re doing the three but the whole time we’re worrying about the other 96 things on the list. And so then we start getting nervous and we start getting anxious, and we start buffering with food, and we start just all of these patterns in our behavior that causes the weight gain. So is it a sauna that makes you know that they’re not going to be lost, they’re sitting over there or is it the way you think about it or is it both?
Corinne: It’s both, it’s both. So the first thing is the way that I think about it. I always think about these three things make money, the other 97 aren’t making money right now. I think one of the things that for business people what they need, this is the same thing I do with my weight loss clients too. But I’ll tell you about that on the other side.
Is when you identify the three, you’ve picked the three because it’s like these things make money. They don’t have to be the most important. They don’t have to be the best ones. You don’t have to think about it in any of those terms. You just need to think today these three are what are going to change the financial picture; the rest of this shit is not right now. And so that allows you to turn off the worry. I think what I watch people do is think, but if I don’t do this, and I don’t do this, and I don’t do this, it’s like who gives a shit, these three have to get done.
Tobi: Right, I agree.
Corinne: Make yourself not sit there and think about that stuff. The other hack is having it someplace, when your brain knows, I’m a big believer in having the container. You cannot ever expect your brain to not be a dog with a bone about things that you’re expecting it to just remember. Your brain is not a container, it’s a processor, it’s supposed to be like what’s the next thing on the list and then let me help you complete that and work through it. Its job is never to be like the archives and the container system.
Tobi: That’s so good, yeah, it’s not the filing cabinet, it’s the computer processor and you go over to a sign or the filing cabinet and then you use your brain to process the item, yes.
Corinne: It’s misusing your brain when you want it to be a container. And then so don’t get pissed when you’re wanting it to be the container and it’s not functioning very well, it’s keeping you up at night. The brain is like I’m not supposed to hold onto things, what is it 3:00am, let’s think.
Tobi: Yes, that’s so good. Yeah, and I don’t hear many people say that that way, but that’s so smart. If you literally are waking up in the middle of the night or you’re having panic attacks in the day that you’re going to forget something, it’s because you haven’t documented it somewhere, you’re not organizing it anywhere, that’s so good.
I also want to go back to what you said about money, because a lot of people, a lot of women, a lot of creatives, either they’re afraid of money or they don’t know how to think about it in a way that serves them. And I think that what you said is so smart, because a lot of times, just like you said people are like, “Well, I’ve got to do this and I’ve got to do this.” But the thing is if they were doing the things that made them money, they could afford to pay other people to do a lot of that stuff.
And I watch these people in this sort of chicken and egg scenario all the time, and a lot of times it does, again, go hand in hand with their weight and their food issues because they’re feeling like they’re overwhelmed. And there’s too much for them to do, but they don’t feel like they can afford to pay other people. And just that simple approach of saying, “I’m going to do three things every day that make me money first.” That would go a long way in fixing that issue of I can’t afford, right?
Corinne: That’s one of the ways – I mean even to this day that I filter things, even with – like I have a team now, but I mean it’s new that I have a team. I took it over seven figures by myself, you do not have to have a big team, you can do this. And I’ve always been someone who worked hard, but I’ve never been someone who worked at my own expense. I’ve always just been someone who I literally love what I do, and so I pick things every single day that I know will help change people’s lives and put money in the bank.
And I don’t apologize for it, because now I employ people who are living their dream job. The more money I make, the more stuff I get to give away. I always think about that, when I was a charity service in my early days.
Tobi: A hobby, a jobby.
Corinne: Yeah, I had a big jobby for – it took me a couple of years to break the habit of that one, but I barely helped people. I mean there was about 100 people in the whole world that got my advice, and I had amazing advice then. But the sitting around and not thinking about making money kept thousands upon thousands of people from getting to know me and being able to lose weight.
Tobi: I love that. That right there is like a mic drop for people to really take that in and understand what you’re saying. When you were believing you had to do everything and holding yourself small, you were helping 100 people. And when you shifted that way of thinking and had a team and expanded and went to the three things that make you the most money, you literally now help almost 10,000 people at a time in your program, that is mindboggling.
And I think it’s so genius for people to understand that we’re not getting out of our own way a lot of times with our thinking, that’s so good. So let’s talk a little bit about time management in particular, because it’s a huge piece of what you do, it’s a huge piece of what I believe in helping people grow their businesses. And what I watch people do is feel like I can’t have a schedule, I’m a creative, I’m going to feel trapped, I’m going to feel all these things. And you and I both know it’s because they put a bunch of BS on their schedule, like you were talking about with your diet.
So let’s talk about that because they may hear it in a different way from you than the way they’ve heard it from me. But I want to dig into this because a realistic schedule or a realistic food plan, whatever the case, they’re the same thing. So how do you think people should use time management for both their business and weight loss to be more successful?
Corinne: So when you talk about a creative feeling trapped, because this goes with – when it come to losing weight, when somebody tells me it’s like, “I just don’t like food plans, I want to be spontaneous.” It’s just going to suck the life right out of everything. And I’m like, “Okay, so here, I want you to do this, I want you to make me a list of how much all your spontaneity is creating freedom right now. Where are you feeling all this freedom?
Because all I’m hearing you do is sit there and tell me some bullshit about how your pants don’t, you don’t feel very free in your pants and your clothes when you go shopping.” They feel very limited in life; they’re not doing the things they want to be doing. It’s the same thing in business, people are just like, “I want to be free with my schedule.” It’s like what if you just plan stuff you like first, make sure that your schedule reflects the kind of business you want and stuff and then go out and have freedom in the real ways.
I know for me it’s nice to know that I have the freedom, that if I want to plan a day where I don’t have to do anything, it is because of all the days that I had very detailed daily plans and executed like a boss. And when I’m off I don’t have to worry, I don’t have to sit there and think, well, still not getting my dream. Well, I wonder when, you know, I wonder when I’m going to get lucky on the social media and somebody share me. I never have to be bogged down by that.
So I always tell people, “Just make a list of the way that you’re currently thinking about your spontaneity and your freedom. Where are you not free right now because of it?”
Tobi: Yeah, it’s not even true is what you’re saying, most of the time. It feels like the sense of freedom, but when we listen to what we’re actually saying it’s like, I work all the time, I never have any time, I never have any money. And so at the expense of this belief that you don’t want to boxed in, you’re literally boxed in all the time because you can’t take a day off, you can’t hire somebody. You can’t go on vacation; you can’t do all the things, yeah.
Corinne: It’s crap that you’re boxing yourself in because it’s like if you are literally planning your time, like I want everybody just to really think about this. You are the person who is deciding what goes on there, that’s probably the most free thing you could ever do. I just get you to think of what creates more freedom than saying, “During this hour I want to accomplish this?”
And one thing that I noticed that a lot of people don’t – this is with weight loss and it’s with business, they are just like each other. When you put something on your food plan or you put something on your schedule, know why you’re putting it there. A lot of times what I watch people do is they’ll make bullshit food plans and they’ll make bullshit work schedules. They won’t even know why it’s on there, and it won’t even be a reason that they like. So I’ll agree to do something for someone, I don’t want to be boxed in but I’m people pleasing.
And so it’s like yeah, I wouldn’t want to be doing that schedule either, if the only reason why I’m putting these things on my calendar is so I don’t hurt someone else’s feelings, but I don’t want to be doing it. Then don’t expect to want to calendar after that. I look at everything I put on my time and I always tie it back to why is this important? What is this going to accomplish? What’s going to be the payoff? I make sure that the stuff that goes on my colander, I really like the reasons. I do the same thing with my team, as I’m giving them things, I don’t know if you have people that have teams.
Tobi: Yes, I do.
Corinne: But as I give away stuff to do and I say, “Here’s the next big project, and I want you guys to do it. Here’s why it’s important. Here’s whose life is going to change. And when you’re scheduling it and when you’re figuring out your contribution to it I want you to know why you’re showing up for it.” We do a lot of work on that because when everybody feels very in alignment with who they want to be and who they want to serve, and it’s not just getting shit done and being like boxed into my schedule, it shifts your entire state of being around it.
Same thing with food, don’t put shit on your plan if you don’t like it. I’m like, “You’ve got to want to eat it.”
Tobi: Right. Well, and that’s again probably the biggest thing I’ve learned from you so far. And I did, I was already pretty great at my schedule, but I took it to another level when I learned this about food from you. Because what you’re saying and I so agree is that if you’re a person whose not wanting to follow a schedule, it’s because you’ve got a bunch of crap on the schedule that nobody’s going to want to do.
You’ve got back, to back, to back meetings, you’ve got a bunch of tasks, you’ve got a bunch of things that are boring to you, or that you shouldn’t be doing, or that aren’t even aligned with the goal, or don’t make you any money.
And it’s like a slave driver, and it’s the same thing with food, the minute we decide, I’ve really got to do something, I’ve got to get this 20 pounds off by my class reunion, or whatever. We go from eating ‘normal’ to putting something like chicken and lettuce on our schedule and believe that by some miracle we’re going to want to show up and do that every day, and neither of those are true.
And so what I learned from you is to just start with realistic things, and even first just get aware of how you’re spending your time or what you’re eating. And then you can make small incremental changes, not all of them at once. Because I watch people do that, they’re like, “I’ve got to get my schedule together, let me start 12 new habits all this week, all at the like not beginner level.” We’re going to start running marathons. We’re going to journal for 30 minutes. We’re going to meditate for an hour. We’re going to start all that shit today while we also dial in our business all at once, and it’s a bunch of crap.
Corinne: It’s like inhuman. Yeah, it’s like I’m going to have to literally get rebirthed from my mother in order to become this person.
Tobi: Or from like a third outer world being or alien to be able to do that. Okay, so let’s also talk about this concept of being willing to fail at something, because, again, that is a huge piece too of what I’m learning from you. And I happen to also be working with one of – I told you last week, one of your coaches in a one-on-one. You don’t do one-on-one, but you have people on your team that you can do. And it’d be just great if you’ve been in the – I guess, you could do it from the beginning; I like it after being in for a while.
Corinne: You can do it from the beginning, but we usually encourage people to get through the program first and then you’re ready to take it to another level.
Tobi: I agree. And so I’ve just been – I’ve come out of this project fail from a master coach training which was genius, and learning to let other people fail and me fail. But in the weight loss arena I was talking to Betsy, your coach and we were talking about this whole idea. Because last week you had called me out on Instagram Live and said, “You just said you went backwards when you gained seven pounds.” And it was such a great awareness.
And she and I had a conversation and she said, “I remember the time when Corinne said because she was gaining some weight back on her weight loss journey.” One of your coaches, and how much did Betsy lose, she lost a lot of weight, right?
Corinne: She lost 60 pounds.
Tobi: Okay, and you’ve lost 100, and you’ve kept it off. And she said, “I remember the time when Corinne said, “Would you be willing to gain back 50 pounds if you had to, in the process of learning, why it is you’re still doing this?”” And that was such huge awareness to me that just like in business, just like with your schedule, same with your weight loss. If we’re expecting to only go from the straight line of success, we’re going to quit every single time.
Because it’s not about just going ‘forward’, it’s not about – I mean it is obviously, we can only go forward. But in our brain, we’re going to have those moments where we’re like, what’s wrong, or why am I doing this again? So I think that’s so important to talk about, because again, that’s true in business, or in weight loss, or life. It’s not like we just decide to fix something and it is all roses from there, right?
Corinne: Right. I always like to think about the process of either losing weight or building your business. You’re always moving forward until the moment you quit, the quit is the only time. And I don’t mean just like, well, today I didn’t make my food plan. I’m talking about I give up, I relent, I’m out, kind of stuff. And if you look at it from like there I’m just going to be trying to lose my weight and I’m just going to be trying to build my business.
And there are going to be times stuff is not going to go the way I think it should, that is absolutely always going to happen. And in those moments when it does feel doubtful and it does feel harder and all that other stuff, if my one rule is I don’t quit, I will always be moving forward. It may be miniscule steps that – I think that’s the hardest part, especially for weight loss. Well, honestly, it’s both, now that I’m in both arenas, it’s really both.
Tobi: It is, yeah.
Corinne: But I just remember like in my own weight loss, and I watch my clients do this, we want to be able to do it so bad that when it’s moving at a glacier place for a little bit, it feels like it’s going backward. And it feels so insurmountable and it’s because we keep thinking nothing’s happening. But in those moments I think are when everything happens. The reason I lost weight this time was because of every time I decided not to quit when I normally would, that was the only reason why I lost weight.
I can tell people how I ate. I can tell people how many times I weighed in. I could give people exercise routines all day long. But those are not the things that actually caused me to lose weight. It was every single time I had to re-jig what I was eating, I had weeks where I didn’t lose weight.
I had times when I would go out with my husband and just eat my face off because I wanted to, and not quit, it was the moment of the not quit is where every ounce of weight loss happens. And that is the slowest part, because in the moment you want to quit it’s always right after something that probably has technically slowed the scale down, but it’s not slowed down your goal. Your goal is still just sitting there like come and get me.
So I think that that’s important, it’s the same thing in business, I think for me, like I go through so much failure building this business. I mean shit doesn’t work like a religion.
Tobi: Exactly. But you expect it, or you do now anyway, yeah.
Corinne: So we did the – well, I was telling you this last, we had this big virtual workshop and we only had two weeks to sell it. And Facebook Ads disabled our accounts twice. I literally ran ads for 30 minutes for that thing, the entire time and that was what was going to get us, you know, the way that we had planned it, we had done everything was on the – I wrote ads, I shot videos, we created graphics, we did all…
Tobi: Yes, that you couldn’t use, yeah.
Corinne: Not a lick, I just didn’t realize that Facebook didn’t like the word ‘sabotage’ not one bit.
Tobi: Oh, interesting. Which is the whole name of your program.
Corinne: Yeah, it was just like all over the place. And so after the second time they disabled us, and I don’t mean just like this ad won’t run. You can’t even run ads at all.
Tobi: They shut you down.
Corinne: Yeah, they’re like you’re dead to us. I’m like, I’ve still got a launch coming and – I don’t know if your clients do this, but we list bill around the clock. And so things like that are always happening and it’s in those moments that you decide, do I give up? Do I quit? Do I stop thinking about this is going to happen and what’s next? Or is that the moment that you go have ice-cream and sit on the couch, call a few girl friends, whine about it? And then wonder why, when you go live that day hardly anybody showed up, so I gave my entire effort, no, you have to keep going.
And those are the moments that I think in business too, it’s like I just think in weight loss, the failure happens – it’s almost like it’s more subtle, it’s like it’s all – you have overeats and whatnot. In business it’s staring you in the face most days, something doesn’t work, websites go down, people quit, whatever it is. You spend money on an ad and crickets, whatever it is, you have to be willing to keep going.
Tobi: Yeah, I love that so much. We just had, back in March a little mini kind of launch of my membership. And we had, I think, almost 600 people registered for our webinar, and of course everybody was on Zoom. We paid for a Zoom room big enough and all that, but somebody on my team didn’t know that there was a little like something in the back and you had to click over to go from a 100 meeting room to a 500 or a 1,000, or whatever. So after 100 people it started kicking everybody out.
So I had no idea, thankfully, I was just in bliss, teaching, and my team was in the background going, “She’s going to be so mad.” I wasn’t mad at all because I’m like, “Well, what the hell are we going to do about it now? Just send out the replay.” But the thing is that’s so different than I used to be, 10 or 15 years ago would be all the drama and who’s to blame and all that stuff. And that’s what you’re saying, if you stay in all of that kind of thinking and that kind of drama, you are going to quit.
And that’s the same with weight loss, I could right now be telling myself the story, well, I lost 15 pounds but I’ve gained half of it back, I might as well quit. Or I can just go, “That’s really interesting, what’s happening? What made me believe that those, you know, taking those actions or those patterns were the right thing?” And that’s what you’re saying, it’s just like take a step back from it and keep your eye on the goal, but expect all of those ups and downs because they’re inevitable.
Corinne: One of the thoughts that work so well for me in everything is – in fact I had it happen this morning, I swear to God, the universe is always like, “Hey, would you like something to think about?”
Tobi: Can we really screw up your day today and see how you handle it?
Corinne: Yeah, and I was just like, [inaudible] at 7 o’clock. But I always think, okay, that’s already happened, now what? I just always – it’s very rare – I am like everybody else, there is a draw to want to worry about something, immediately go to what are other people going to think when things don’t work out. Any of your old patterns, no matter what it is, I always feel drawn to that side. I like to think about like if you walked into a store, like my old baggage, my fear of what people think, all that stuff, it’s like the shiny objects over here, they’re just like, we’re on sale.
Tobi: The sequins.
Corinne: Like they’re just barely broken or something, they always look tempting, but it’s a good deal. Then you’ve got the stuff over here that is like the brand new, the shiny but it’s not on sale, it’s super expensive. We always kind of hesitate, are we going to buy that? The same thing with new thinking, it’s like when something happens, you go into the store, do you want to get the best or do you want some discounted rubbish over here that’s shiny and staring at you?
Tobi: Yes, it’s comfortable, that you’re familiar with, that feels, yeah, like it’s part of you, instead of stepping outside yourself and going, “How else can I approach this?” Yeah.
Corinne: Yeah, old thoughts are always shiny and on sale, new thoughts are always very expensive, they look amazing, but you’re just like, “Am I really going to do it?”
Tobi: Yeah, so good.
Corinne: And I just always try to remind myself in every moment, this has already happened, now what? Because going forward is for me the bottom line, we’re going forward.
Tobi: Yeah, that’s so, so good, I love it. And I do love this concept, because in that instant or in that belief system, quitting is just never an option. So if it takes you the rest of your life to get to your goal weight, or if it takes you the rest of your life to get to your business goal, you’re still just going. You get up every day and you’re like, how can we do something better today or different, or how can I grow?
And that’s so different than how I approached a lot of this in the past, especially weight loss. Which was I’ll give myself a limited amount of time and if it doesn’t work by x, if I don’t look this way by this thing, then screw it, I’ll just go back and be overweight. Or I’ll just go back and eat cheese dip or whatever it is, which makes no sense at all because then you just have to start over, when you get ready to do it again, it makes no sense.
Corinne: You must be a savory girl. Every one of your overeating examples always involves a dip.
Tobi: I do like sweets too though, it’s either cheese dip or it’s ice-cream or chocolate cake.
Corinne: French onion dip, cheese dip.
Tobi: It’s just junk, it’s cheese dip or it’s literally, yeah, blackberry cobbler with ice-cream.
Corinne: Yeah, I’m like nachos. Yeah, throw down nachos, I’m just like, “Where did that come from?”
Tobi: Hey, and for all the people listening, guess what, you could eat nachos and cheese dip and chocolate cake and still lose weight if you listen to Corinne, and create a realistic plan. Because that’s again, the whole point of how you teach people to think is not that there’s good foods and bad foods, there’s just food. Same thing in business, it’s like not there’s like you should be doing this activity, or you shouldn’t be doing this activity, just like they’re just activities, which ones are going to get you to where you want to go?
And I think when we take a lot of that bias and judging out of it, and putting things in a certain camp and then we’re like, “Well, I’ve been bad today.” I think that’s what makes so many of us start to talk negatively to ourselves and then we fall off. And again, it happens in both, in both business and – it’s remarkable how related they are, honestly. I think of it all the time, how they’re so related. So okay, let me see if there’s anything else.
So one of the things I think that I do want to cover real quick before we wrap up, this is so good, is this concept of doing one thing at a time. Because I’ve heard this concept, I love this concept. I know you believe in tackling a thing at a time, so like one goal at a time. But then we get to type A driven, super achievers, and we have a really hard time believing that we can or that we want to constrain to either just build my business or just lose weight.
And you have a little bit different way of thinking about that, that I love, that’s, yeah, it’s one thing at a time, but if you learn it, it kind of fixes both issues. So speak to that just a little bit so people can understand how to be more effective when they’re choosing what they’re going to work on.
Corinne: So when you pick a goal, one of the things that I think people – that hoses them is they’ll think, okay, I’m going to do a goal and that means the rest of the goals can’t be worked on at all. If I want to lose weight, well, then I could never grow my business, I could never do these other things. I’m like, “Get to where your energy and effort is in the one thing you really want to accomplish and make sure that one, it gets planned every single day, first. The things that need to get done for that every single day get done first.”
That’s how you prioritize it, then you have all these other things you’re working on and you do pieces of them but they’re not the main focus. But when you work on one goal you start learning the skills required to go all in on another goal. If you use weight loss for an example, you learn the skill of learning how to plan, you learn the skill of learning how to override wanting to just eat what you want and you learn how to actually eat the things that you plan. You learn the skill of commitment, making decisions.
There’s just all these things that you learn while you’re losing weight that are essentially just thinking patterns. So that when you go to say double your income this year, you have to be able to plan, you have to be able to say no to things you want in the moment for a bigger purpose. You have to be able to plan realistically so that you don’t burn out on the way. You have to be able to commit to it and visualize it, and focus on it.
So once you’ve done that once and you prove to yourself how you can do it, you can go back, you can look at those things and say, “How does this apply to the next one?” That’s how you become someone who’s knocking goals out all the time.
Tobi: Yeah, I love that so much, because it’s really thinking of it in a deeper way. Instead of just at the surface, now I’ve got to lose 20 pounds, it’s now, I’m going to basically go learn these life skills and they’re going to help me do this one thing first. But then I’m going to take these exact skills and I’m going to bring them to all the other parts of my life. So it’s not an either or, it’s still you’re in the process of kind of both, you’re just taking one piece at a time.
And you’re saying, “Let’s use it here first, let’s see how it works. Let’s see what fails. Let’s see what succeeds. Let’s see how we sabotage, let’s see our thinking.” Because those are going to be all the same thoughts we have when we go over to this other thing, and that’s so good.
Corinne: Yeah. And it’s one of those things where I think people always, when it comes to like, well, I can either be losing weight or I can grow my business. I’m like, “You can do both, you just need a plan for how you’re going to grow your business and then you agree that you don’t eat your way through it, you don’t use food to grow your business.”
Or if weight loss is going to be your primary focus, this is how I eat, this is how I live, this is what I do and it only takes this much time every single day. And while I’m doing all this other stuff I am mastering the skill of no longer using food to stick to my schedule when I’m at work. I’m no longer using food to distract me when my work feels really hard for the day or whatever. That’s how you start doing both.
But I always – the way that I like to look at goals is prioritize one, there’s one goal you have that you’re all in. And it gets the first amount of planning, the first amount of thinking, the first amount of everything every single day. And that always takes precedent, and then the rest gets all the other spaces.
Tobi: Yeah, and this was such an aha moment for me, I mean you literally just told me this a week ago, and it was so huge. Because I was looking at the success I’ve had in my schedule and my business and making money. And basically what you showed me was those are the exact things you need to do over here with food, you’re just not doing them. But you know how to do them already, and so then all of a sudden you’re like, this isn’t even hard, I already know that. It’s not that it’s not going to be uncomfortable at times.
But this mystery we carry around on which everything is eluding us at the time, that we’re like, “It must be something outside of us, or I must need a new coach or a new book, or a net diet or something.” Suddenly you’re like, “I literally already know how to do this, it’s just I need to do it, I just need to follow through and do it.” Which to me was so – I don’t know, such a relief to say, “I don’t even have to figure anything out anymore, I already figured it out.” Just apply it over here, which is so amazing, yeah.
Corinne: I think that that’s helpful for a lot of people, one of the things that people tell me constantly when it comes to the weight loss is, “I’m so good at all these other things.” A types usually have a list of things they’re really good at. And one thing will always elude them, this one thing, and usually for a lot of us it is weight and it’s because we push ourselves so hard over here, we’re using the food to decompress from all of that, decompress.
And so I like to look at, alright, what makes me successful? How do I talk to myself over here? Because I will promise you, for A types, if you’re using food, one of two things are happening. You talk to yourself like a boss when you’re getting shit done. And then when you’re talking to yourself about your body and your food, you’ve just been socially conditioned to not talk like a boss, you talk like an ass. And so you need to transfer the skill, so you look at that. Or you are doing really well over here, but you’re literally beating yourself into submission.
Some people, A types in particular, can get really good results through beating themselves up but the end result ends up being at the sacrifice of themselves.
Tobi: Yeah, totally. And I’ve done both of those things at times. What you’re kind of saying is you can hustle your way there but it’s at your own, you know, it’s at the sacrifice or yourself is what you’re saying. And then you’ve got to use food or something a lot of times to cope with that, all of that emotion. You don’t have to, but we are using food, or alcohol, or shopping, or Netflix or something else that’s a negative for us to cope with forcing ourselves.
I was always a lot of I have to, I have to do this today. And somebody has to do it and I guess I’ll be the superwoman to swoop in and fix it all, which is all a load of crap. Yeah, I can relate to both sides of what you just said, really interesting.
Corinne: I think that’s really important for A types to look at because if – a lot of us just think x amount of money is the result this year. And I’m always like, “x amount of money plus who am I at the end of it?” There’s more to the result at the end of the rainbow than what most of us think about. A lot of people can make a lot of money and be burned out, sacrifice their family, blah, blah, blah. A lot of people can make a lot of money and became the best version of themselves this year, enjoyed the ride, the same thing with weight loss.
Tobi: And I think what happens to a lot of people is they burn themselves out but they don’t make the money. And then it’s like a lose, lose, they’re trying to make the money but because they’re burning themselves out they don’t hit the money goal, they just get the consolation prize, which is the burnout and all of that stuff that goes with it too, yeah.
Corinne: Well, the same thing happens with weight, a lot of people just put that goal weight down, this is the result I want. I want to lose the weight. And I’m like, “You need to think bigger. You want to lose weight and feel what? And you want to lose weight and you want to be able to do what things? What do you want your life to look like when you get there?”
Because unless you know what you want, whether your result has money or it has weight in there, if you’re not working towards the life you want and the way that you’re going to feel, and the way you’re going to show up. You’re going to end up like what most people do is they lose weight at the sacrifice of themselves, still not being nice to themselves, and just end up being a thin version of a broken, worried, scared person.
Tobi: Yeah. And I think a lot of times then they put all it back on because they got there and it wasn’t what they wanted, yeah.
Corinne: If I get there and I’m not happy all the time, and I’m still worried as shit that I’m going to gain my weight back, I’m still scared of what other people think. If none of that fixes it, you eventually just go back to your old habits of just eating for relief.
Because most of us think that weighing something or making a certain amount of money is what’s going to give us relief from the misery. And that’s not what gives you the relief, it’s how you talk to yourself on the inside, so that when you arrive there you want to have recreated the kinds of conversations you have on the inside. You want to recreate your beliefs in you. You want to have your own back. You want all of that to be the product of the way you acted on the way down, then you can appreciate it and love it.
Tobi: I love that and I think it’s so important too, in deciding what your goals are. Because it’s one thing to just go, “I want to make 10 million dollars, or I want to weigh 120 pounds.” Instead of going, “Well, neither of those really are going to create the life I want. Maybe I just want to make a million dollars and maybe I want to weigh 150 pounds and both of those things would be something that actually took me to the person that I wanted.” And it wasn’t, like you said, just about the end result; it was so much more thoughtful. That’s so good.
Okay, well, as I knew there would be tons of wisdom today, which people will love, love, love. And they’re going to want to know where to find you and how to work for you, or with you, maybe for you. But the good news is this podcast is going to come out right before, probably a week or two before you’re opening your program again. So we’re not going to make them wait hopefully, for three or four months while you’re closed and we tease them, unless they hear this later. But how do they find you and consider getting in your program?
Corinne: The easiest way is to go to joinnobs, so it’s j.o.i.n.n.o.b.s.com. That will tell you about my program and right now we open on June 17th, so if you get there before or after June 17th, you can always sign up for my free course on that page too. So I always tell people, “Take my free course first, I am a delight, but I am also someone who has a very distinct personality, I have a way of speaking.” And so if you go to the free course you will know, I love in your face talk.
Tobi: If they don’t like super direct and lots of cursing, they’re going to have to work their way up to that with the free course.
Corinne: Yeah. So I always tell people, “Start with that free course, make sure that I’m your cup of tea,” because the last thing I want is for people to, you know, I always just want people to find what they need when it comes to weight loss. I want every woman to be able to lose her weight and that free course will really teach you, whether we’re a match or not. And then when I open you’ll be on the mailing list, you’ll get a notification and everything.
But that page has on there – tells you kind of what I teach, what I’m all about, what I believe, how it helps you, what changes you can expect, all that kind of stuff.
Tobi: That’s so good. Okay, well, we will have all of that on the show notes and all of our links. And we’ll share it on Instagram and all the places, but thank you so much for sharing so much wisdom today. For all of our type A’s and all of our creatives, and all of us who have been making all these excuses, at business and work, we have a lot to think about now. And I’m really grateful you shared it with us.
Corinne: Well, thank you, lady, I appreciate it.
Tobi: Okay, well, I’ll see you soon.
Corinne: Great. Bye bye.
Okay, was I right or was I right? Of course I was right, everything, Corinne says in my opinion is genius. And I love having conversations with her because I get so much out of it personally. And I know you just got a ton out of it too, so if you want to be part of Corinne’s membership, if you want to be part of the amazing women who are learning to really lose their weight for the very last time, for good, then check out her program at joinnobs.com, that’s join and then n.o.b.s.com.
Because her system is called The No BS Weight Loss System, which is all Corinne all day, she cuts through the BS and she gets to the point. So check it out, it’s opening really soon, and if for some reason you hear this later or it’s not quite open yet when you head over, you can sign up for her free course, which is also gold, there’s so much genius in just the free course. And you can get that and you’ll be on the waiting list for when she opens the program again soon.
And if you just want to go hear a lot of great stuff from Corinne, check out her podcast called Losing 100 Pounds with Corinne Crabtree, and you can find it on all the typical places like iTunes and Stitcher and all those places. And really learn from Corinne for absolutely free. She is one of my favorite people and I know you will love both her program and her podcast.
So thanks for listening today, I can’t wait to hear from you and what you think about this episode, and let Corinne and me know, because she’s on Instagram, just like me, and we communicate a lot over there, and let her know what you like, what you need, and how she can help you because she is definitely the one to do it, okay. And I’ll see you guys again really soon with another great episode of The Design You Podcast. Bye for now.
Thank you so much for listening to the Design You podcast, and if you are ready to dig deep and do the important work we talk about here on the podcast of transforming your mindset and creating a scalable online business model, there has never been a more important time than right now. So join me and the incredible creative entrepreneurs in my Design You coaching program today. You can get all the details at TobiFairley.com.