Ep #9: Are You Living in Drama?

I am LOVING my work right now, but I’ll be the first one to tell you that this hasn’t always been the case. It’s easy to get caught up in a flurry of drama around your everyday tasks, especially when you feel like other people are bringing you down. Today, I explore the concept of internal drama and how it’s stopping you from achieving what you want.

The internal drama that goes on in your mind tends to go unnoticed. While it’s difficult to see the drama in ourselves, I’m here to help you identify it, break down why it happens, and give you a technique to change any negative thoughts you might be having about any situation!

Tune in this week and answer an 11-question quiz I’ve created to help you establish if you’re living in drama! Start practicing these tools to manage your mind and watch your business grow in abundance!

What You'll Learn From This Episode

  • 11 questions to identify if you’re living in drama.
  • How you’re unknowingly making yourself a victim.
  • Why you need to get out of victimhood.
  • Where our beliefs come from and how they might not be 100% yours.
  • The difference between an abundant thinker and a scarcity thinker.
  • How to avoid having a drama response.
  • Why it’s okay to let go of your beliefs.
  • My method of turning any negative situation into a positive one.

Featured On The Show

Full Episode Transcript

You are listening to The Design You Podcast with Tobi Fairley, episode number nine.

Welcome to The Design You Podcast, a show where interior designers and creatives learn to say no to busy and say yes to more health, wealth, and joy. Here is your host, Tobi Fairley.

Hey there. What are you doing today? Do you want to know what I’m doing? Well, first, I’m watching the most beautiful spring rainfall right outside my window, and it is so relaxing. But the other thing I’m doing right now is I am loving my work.

For probably 10 years or more, I heard myself say stuff all the time like, “I never have time to just sit at my desk and work on things. And I’m always in meetings and job sites and I have to travel, and I just want a normal day but I’ll probably never have one.”

I was super complainy for like, a long time. And you know what? I have normal days all the time now. I have more days than not when I get up and I do yoga, and I come upstairs to my office and I light a candle, and I make a cup of coffee before I come up or tea, and I just truly enjoy checking things off my list all day long, almost totally uninterrupted.

And I absolutely love it. I mean, I freaking love my life these days. Okay, there. That’s it, that’s what I’m doing, that’s all. I just wanted to say that. I love my life. So what are you doing? If you aren’t loving your life, I hope you get to work on that soon because life is short and don’t spend years complaining like I did. My gosh, just go figure it out and love on yourself and love your life.

Okay, so let’s get into the podcast topic for the day because it’s related. Do you know what we’re talking about? Oh yeah baby, we’re talking about drama. Drama. And before you get too excited, I’m not going to give you some kind of like podcast or a lecture on like, the housewives of wherever. Well, I don’t even watch those shows but you know what I mean. That kind of drama. And it’s not junior high girls sort of drama.

I’m talking about the drama that goes on right there inside your head. And I get it, you’re thinking, “Tobi, I hate drama.” And I believe you because I hate it too. And I have never been one to have much of it with other people as a child or as an adult.

But I need to confess, which I kind of actually already did in the intro today accidentally, that for years, I had tons of drama in my own mind that kept me from being what I really wanted to be and from achieving what I really wanted to achieve.

And even though I didn’t get in like, spats with people, or he said she said dramatic episodes, like, really almost ever, very seldom in my whole life, but I would be lying if I tried to pretend that all that drama that I was thinking didn’t impact my relationship with my husband, and with my mom, and with my child, and with my employees, and with my customers because it did.

The reason drama took its toll is that it’s impossible to be thinking dramatic and in particular, negative or insecure thoughts all the time, even if you’re not acting on them, and it not impact your relationships with others and with yourself. It’s impossible.

So today, I want to dig into what drama looks like when it’s internal, in your mind, and why it’s holding us back when we don’t even know it, and what to do about it. Okay, so first, let me tell you what drama looked like in my head for years. I told you a little bit, but let me give even like – let’s firm this picture up a little bit more, okay? Let’s go on a journey back into my mind, like, a few years back.

So my drama came in the form of my emotionally charged thoughts and feelings around pretty much everything in my life, including my job and my employees and my spouse and my achievements and everything. And instead of practicing mindset tools and techniques and being able to coach myself really well, honestly, for you know, part of that time, early on, I didn’t even know that was an option, that those things existed.

And I was basically just reacting to and at the mercy of anything that happened to me on any given day. And I was typically handling my emotions poorly, and really even handing them over to other people on a silver platter. So handing them over to those things and those people that got me upset kind of on a silver platter. Like, here you go, please take control of my emotions completely and I’ll just hang out over here and be miserable.

And what happens when you delegate your emotions to other people or to other things, do you know? Right. You become a victim. Those things and those people are the villain and you become a victim, and victimhood is a pretty miserable place to live. I can speak from experience.

Now, I would never have admitted that I was a victim because I really didn’t even believe I was. And probably nobody really that knew me would perceive me as one or describe me as one. They would kind of think she’s the opposite of that.

But I was a victim because of my dramatic thoughts. And here’s what that looked like: so if a client was upset, I would go into a tailspin. Not with them, like, I wouldn’t have a confrontation, but in my mind or maybe, maybe with my employees. Like, venting and blaming and being frustrated.

And that would happen because I would think thoughts when this client got upset that made me feel insecurity and anger and frustration, and sometimes apathy. And some of that, those feelings and that stuff would spill out onto my team and my family, which just felt horrible. Like, it felt terrible.

And then after it would spill out, then my next train of thought would be a whole bunch of other things that made me feel guilt or that made me feel the need to justify my behavior. And that would happen pretty much every single time.

Or if my husband or my mom questioned me about anything, and I mean anything – my mom’s listening to this I know probably going, “I’m glad she finally recognized her behavior on this about 10 years later.” Yeah mom, I know, I know, I know. Okay, but if my husband or my mom questioned anything about me, the same kind of thing would happen.

I would think a lot of thoughts that would cause a lot of like, defensiveness and insecurity, like they were judging me. And they might have just simply been asking a question because they needed to know something, but I thought they were judging me. And then the outcome of my feelings was very similar. It was like, stress and reacting and sometimes tears or maybe yelling. And you know, just all bad. Like, didn’t feel good.

And then god forbid that I had a cash flow issue. Like, it was short in my small business because you know, which small business doesn’t have a cash flow issue at least in the early years, if not forever? But I guess I had a belief that I wasn’t supposed to have cash flow issues, even though I was an entrepreneur with a small business. So when they came up, when I would feel money pressured, I would become totally overwhelmed.

And now I know that this was thanks to all those thoughts that I was thinking that would come up around money, around achievement or failure about money, that led me to have feelings like fear and embarrassment and unworthiness and confusion and more.

And you know, although it might have been unconscious, I was choosing these thoughts. And these thoughts ultimately because of all the drama they created in my head, led to burnout for me on more than one occasion.

And because I believed I was a person who didn’t believe in drama, I tried to create some kind of perfect façade on the outside. I mean, at least I thought I was creating one. Like I was always great and always strong and always super successful. And it was an embarrassment to me when I would slip up and have a drama spiral because you know, I wasn’t a person who believed in drama.

And then I would have one and then that was miserable. And the thing is, all of those things I was trying to show people, to the world, that I was always great and I was always strong and I was always super successful, you know, for the most part, those things were actually true. The only problem I had is that my thoughts were creating a whole lot of unnecessary pain and they were holding me back from the even bigger success that I really longed for. So I was doing this to myself.

Now, if you’ve been listening to my podcast for a while, you may have already heard episode number four because I talk about it a lot. It’s a good episode. It’s the solution to a lot of things. And it’s called the model and how to solve any problem. And the model, which I learned at The Life Coach School is also the way to solve the problem of drama, and really, to figure out what thoughts you’re thinking that are creating all the drama.

So today, I’m not going to review the model and how to fix the drama because you can go back and do that on your own by listening to episode number four, and I hope that you do. And there’s a worksheet you can download on my website and really do that work, so I hope you go do that.

But today, what I want to do is I want to make sure that we realize and we identify if or that we have drama, and if we have drama, and how it’s holding us back because this is so important. Like, it might be the most important thing you ever do for yourself, okay?

So I’m going to go through a list of questions right now, it’s like a quiz. Let’s take a quiz. Pop quiz. Remember those from high school? Okay, we’re having one today on the podcast. Pop quiz. So I want you to take a look at your life and I’m going to ask you 11 questions – yes, there’s 11 because this is pretty thorough. We need to get this whipped into shape, all this drama.

And I want you to ask yourself these questions and see if they apply to you. Okay, number one. Do I get upset at some point every single week to a point that it disrupts my day? Or even more often than that. Like, maybe getting upset every day or multiple times a day. Quietly write your answers to yourself. I may or may not be thinking about myself a little bit still in some of these.

Okay, number two. Am I blaming other people for those episodes or outbursts like if they wouldn’t have done x then I wouldn’t have had to get upset?

Number three, can I easily separate the facts about the situation from the thoughts or opinions in my own mind about the situation?

Number four, am I sticking to the facts or am I making up parts of the story, making assumptions and psychoanalyzing the others involved, making judgments or forming opinions on what I think they did or why I think they did it? Yeah, interesting, right?

Number five, do I embellish or exaggerate the stories I tell myself about myself daily? For example, do I tell myself things like, “I’m exhausted, I’m starving. If I don’t eat in the next 10 minutes I’m going to die. Today was horrible, my client was a nightmare. I am a hot mess. I’m a train wreck. I can’t ever lose weight. I’m hopeless.” So are you saying those kind of things to yourself daily, or the opposite?

Let me give you a few of the opposite so you can tell the difference. So instead, if you’re not saying those, you would say things like, “I need to eat. I should get some rest. I had an issue today but I handled it. My client had a different expectation than me, but with a conversation we got on the same page. I was disorganized today, but I can fix that. I’m not following what I know helps me lose weight but I can fix it if I want to.” So quite the difference. Which one of those are the things that you tell yourself every day, okay?

Number six, do you get a rush of excitement when you think these embellished thoughts in your head and do you get a bigger rush or get attention from telling these thoughts – not just the facts, but these thoughts about the situation to other people?

So to tell the difference, if you’re sticking to the facts and you tell someone a story, it’s going to be pretty boring. If your stories aren’t boring, then there is probably some drama, if not a whole lot of drama in your story, okay?

Number seven, do you generally give other people the benefit of the doubt and stay calm and even-keeled and not get offended, not feel slighted, or not take things personally on a regular basis?

So for example, do you think things daily or often like, “That barista was so rude. She practically threw my scone at me.” Or do you think when you notice somebody sort of in a hurry, “Oh, she was in a hurry. She must have a lot on her mind. Oh well, no biggie. No skin off my back.” Which one of those is more likely to be you?

Number eight, do you take yourself way too seriously and make things way more important than they should be instead of realizing that almost nothing in life is life or death?

Number nine, do you make others the villain, like anybody else? The president of the United States, your boss, your coworker, your mother-in-law, your husband’s ex-wife? Do you make anybody else the villain in your life? Which means you’re the victim, by the way. If so, if you do that, that’s all drama. So do you do that?

Number 10, do you create dramatic stories so that you can be the hero or the savior of the story when you’re telling it to other people? When I heard this idea of the hero, of course I heard it from Brooke Castillo who’s genius and tells me half the stuff I know about mindset.

Well, when I heard her say if you have to have heroes in your business that come in and save the day, whether it’s you or somebody else, then there’s way too much drama in your business. That blew my mind. So do y’all like to be the hero and create this big huge story so you can be the hero or the savior of the story? Yes or no.

And number 11, does your body experience rapid heartbeat and anxiety and physical symptoms, which really what it means is like, are you moving yourself into fight or flight mode and pumping that adrenaline and that cortisol and all that stuff through your body when a situation happens and you tell a story about it either in your head privately, or if you decide to tell it to others? Does your body have those physical symptoms just like you were actually in danger even though you’re not actually in danger and you’re not actually having to be in fight or flight?

Okay, so those 11 questions, how did you score? If you see a bunch of yeses on most of those, and maybe there’s a couple that the answer was supposed to be yes and your answer is actually no. When you start to look at your answers, are you starting to realize that you have a lot more drama in your life than you want to admit? Or at least in your mind, more than you want to admit?

It’s very hard to see drama in ourselves, y’all, and it’s hard to understand unless we work at it that we’re causing ourselves unnecessary pain when we choose thoughts that lead to these feelings all in the name of drama, okay?

So why all the drama? Why? When we didn’t even think we liked drama because I’m telling you, I don’t like drama. Maybe that’s why I didn’t like my life, but I didn’t know it. So why all the drama? Why does this happen? Why do we act this way?

Well first of all, by nature, by design, all of our thoughts create an emotional response. It’s how we’re made. And you may not even be conscious of what thoughts you allow yourself to think in response to any given circumstance. But you have to start to notice those thoughts and you have to remember that all thoughts are optional. There is never a reason to get upset unless you think or believe there’s a reason to get upset.

And if you believe there is a reason to get upset, then you are choosing drama and not managing your emotions. Now, if you’re worried that, “Tobi, there are sometimes I should get upset.” Well, yeah. In truth, there are times that you need to be moved to action, but you don’t have to be moved to action going through a big case of drama.

And I’m going to tell you in a minute how it’s even better and you’re more effective when you keep the drama out of it. But for right now, let’s just – let me give you an example of some ways that this drama can show up. So for example, if you’re building a business like I was when I was especially dramatic 10 or 15 years ago, there is going to be opportunity for drama pretty much all day every single day.

Things go wrong in business all the time. Money gets tight in business all the time. There can be seasonal cycles in business that can cause drama if you let them. You can choose to be dramatic and have a dramatic response or you can choose not to on any and all of those occasions. It is completely up to you.

And then even when business isn’t bad, but you’re just pushing yourself, which is more like the phase of my business right now, to grow and to set goals, there’s still a whole lot of opportunity for drama. In fact, the bigger the goal that you set for yourself, the bigger the chance for your brain to create drama around it.

For example, when I have a goal of making a personal income of $300,000, which is a good income, I believe, do I have some drama around that? Yeah, I just can’t rest on my laurels and do nothing to make that amount of money, right? And I can think plenty of drama thoughts about that.

But what if I moved that goal from making $300,000 of personal income to making a million dollars a year of personal income? If I make that my goal, do you think there’s more drama that comes up? Well, heck yeah.

The thoughts that come to mind are way more dramatic and way more doomsday and way more all the reasons why that’ll never happen and it’s not possible and I can’t do it and it’s hard and I want to quit and blah blah blah, than there were with the $300,000 personal income goal.

So the most important thing is to believe that you always have a choice not to choose the drama because you do. And please realize that you don’t have to have drama or to dramatize things to handle them or to fix them or to take action against them. I said a minute ago I’d tell you about this. In fact, it’s much easier to deal with real serious problems when you stick to the facts and only the facts.

You know what that reminds me of? That reminds me of those old TV shows, black and white that I watched when I was a kid that were in re-run form and I can’t remember the shows but y’all will know what I’m talking about, where the police officers would come up and say, “Just the facts, ma’am.”

You think they were making fun of the fact that we as women especially have a lot of drama? Yeah, I think so too. So yeah, that’s going to be my new mantra. Just the facts, ma’am. And I think to myself when my mind starts running off down a drama spiral, I’m going to think of those police officers and keep myself in check.

But anyway, I want you to think about this and I want you to notice where your mind goes and how it feels when you’re heading towards drama, and I want you to ask yourself some questions. Like, ask yourself, what am I making this mean? Like, what am I making it mean we don’t have money for payroll in our account this week? Because it’s what we’re making it mean that’s what makes us feel so bad.

So if what you’re making it mean that you don’t have money in your account for payroll this week is that you’re going out of business this very week and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it, which by the way, is not the truth, there’s always something you can do first. But if your mind goes to that spot of I’m making it mean that we don’t have money for payroll or we’re a little bit short so we’re done, out of business, over, that’s what you want to pay attention to.

Or that maybe even you’re thinking not only are we out of business, it’s all my fault. I’m a total loser. Does that feel good? No. That’s drama. So be honest with yourself. And also, be honest with yourself in those moments about the real worst-case scenario that could come up.

Not some melodramatic exaggerated worst-case scenario like we’re describing because you know, what you’re probably thinking is, “Since we’re going out of business this very week and there’s nothing I can do about it, I’m also going to lose my house and my car and my reputation and my family and my health and everything I’ve worked for my entire life, and I might as well be dead.”

Does that sound familiar? That is all drama. Talk about creating some things, some feelings that are horrible with our thoughts. And we don’t want to do that. So I want you to start to realize that none of those things and those dramatic worst-case scenarios are the truth. They’re just drama. I want you to stick to the facts, ma’am, so that you can have a better result, okay?

And if where you are right now in this podcast – because I can relate to this too. If you are super frustrated right now because you’re realizing that you do create unnecessary drama in your life, don’t create more drama about that. Don’t beat yourself up about that. Just understand that it’s your beliefs. It’s just your beliefs that aren’t totally your fault. You get those from someone else. We’re not blaming other people but it is your beliefs that influence your drama responses.

So what are your beliefs? Ask yourself some questions because in general, beliefs are just thoughts that we’ve thought over and over and over for years. They feel like truth but they’re just thoughts. So many of our beliefs come from our parents. So it’s not totally our fault sometimes that we have these beliefs.

Now, don’t go blame your parents because that’s drama too and that equals a villain and victim situation. But you can let yourself off the hook a little bit that you didn’t come up with all these beliefs on your own. But it is your fault if you don’t believe you can change those beliefs or you don’t believe you can change the drama response because you absolutely can.

Now, if you’re an abundant thinker, which I am an abundant thinker, you are going to have less drama than a scarcity thinker. So what is a scarcity thinker? Well, scarcity thinkers are like if you’re in business and you’re looking at your competition and they just got a huge new client and your first thought is, “Oh my gosh, they got a huge client. Now I can’t get one.”

Well, that’s scarcity mindset because you know, an abundant thinker would think, “Sweet, they just got a huge new client. That means those actually exist in this market. I’m going to go out and look for me one too.” So a scarcity thinker of they got the huge client and that should have been mine and now I can’t get one, that has way more drama.

So I want you to think about your beliefs and your thoughts around even things like money, which is where that scarcity mindset often comes in because they can greatly influence your drama responses.

And here’s another thing. If you believe that no one is ever supposed to make a mistake, spill a glass of milk, have a car wreck, including yourself, like you think we should all be perfect, then when those things happen, and they’re going to, you are going to be more likely to have a drama response.

So do you expect perfectionism from yourself and everyone around you? If you do, that’s going to be a clue that you probably have a good bit of drama at least in your own mind, okay? And you may be thinking, “Well Tobi, if I don’t hold on to my beliefs and my truths really firmly, then what about justice? Justice won’t be served and the underprivileged won’t be defended and won’t have anybody standing up for them. And if I don’t hold on to my beliefs about my kid, then they’re going to turn out to be a total loser if I lower my standards. And I change my beliefs, I won’t respect myself.”

Well, you know what else? All of that is drama. None of that is the truth. Those are thoughts you’re choosing to think. Because I want you to realize that staying calm does not mean you don’t do anything about injustices or that you don’t take action in a scenario or a situation. Staying calm about somebody having a car wreck doesn’t mean that you don’t pay them if you ran into them. Like, you’re like, “No big deal, I’m not paying you, I’m just staying calm over here.”

No, the lack of drama doesn’t mean you don’t do the right thing or that you don’t hold them accountable if they ran over you. You just pay them calmly without stress or guilt or panic. It’s no big deal. And you might not like spending that money, but okay, accidents happen. It’s what insurance is for, right?

So when you stay calm, you don’t not work for good, and you don’t not make a difference in the world. In fact, I think you actually make a bigger difference in the world because you’re sticking to the facts. And you can take better, more specific action without distraction or bias, okay?

So drama actually keeps you from taking some of those actions that make a difference in the world in a good way. You can practice being less dramatic. Here’s a really important thing for you to know. You can. You can even practice putting a positive spin on what could have been a negative situation.

Let me give you an example of how I learned to do that in my own business. So when I was changing from the total drama island in my mind about every situation, whether it was from a client or an employee or somebody else, I had a person on my team who even kind of accidentally suggested this one time, this practice, and I loved it and I started doing it. And it really made a huge difference in getting me from where I was to where I am now.

So what we would do is any time we would get mad at a client, instead of just starting to vent and complain and bitch and moan and you know, turn them into the biggest villain in the world, we would stop whatever we were doing and we would first say something nice about that person. Just something completely nice. It doesn’t even have to do with the situation. We could be thinking, “Oh my gosh, they were so horrible today, but they sure looked pretty in that dress.”

It may sound silly, but the minute that I changed to a positive situation, and I forced myself to find something positive about that person, it changed everything. So my clients and my employees went from nightmares in my mind to like, normal people that, yes, she looked pretty today, and then I can start to get perspective on, “You know what, maybe I’m making this a bigger deal than it is.” “You know what, maybe I could see this from their perspective.” Or my favorite personally was, “You know what, this is a good opportunity for growth and success. How can we take this less than perfect situation and turn it into something where we can grow?”

So I really would disarm myself with this little kind of silly habit of turning this otherwise really negative situation and putting a positive spin on it. So you can practice things. You can have little tools that help you become less dramatic. And over time, I didn’t even have to do that. Now I do love to compliment people so I still do that part. But I don’t have to come up with some silly little, “Oh, she sure looked pretty today,” or, “Her nail polish was cute,” for me to be able to get perspective that I’m being dramatic, okay?

And as we said, just because you stay calm, it doesn’t mean that you don’t take action, and it also doesn’t mean you can’t be firm. So if someone is out of line entirely, if you have someone that you’re working with that does something inappropriate or that crosses a boundary or that really loses their temper and is abusive or something like that, you totally do not have to take that, and you can be firm and calm at the exact same time.

You can say something like, “That is very inappropriate behavior,” or, “That’s a very inappropriate comment or remark you just made and I will no longer work with you.” The end. No discussion. No drama needed, including no need to rehash the situation to 100 other people unless you rehash it to the authorities because it truly crossed the line and you need to do something about it, okay?

But even in those situations where you do need to do something about it, you can do that while staying calm and sticking to the facts, okay? So justice is not lost just because drama’s lost. This is good for all of you who get super excited and upset about politics. You can stay calm and still make a difference. So you have a choice in every situation, and in every relationship to be non-dramatic, including the relationships with your friends and your family.

So instead of getting offended when you think, “My friend didn’t call me back. I’m peeved.” Well, you know what, you don’t have to choose that dramatic response. You can think, “Oh, my friend didn’t call me back. Oh well, well she’s probably super busy today. I’ll just try her tomorrow. No biggie.” Okay? You can choose that if you want to.

Or for example, if your husband didn’t pick up his socks, you can either go the dramatic route and go, “I’m done with him. Done.” Or you could say, “Hey honey, would you mind picking up your socks?” Or, imagine this novel idea. You could just pick them up and be nice and don’t even mention it to him. And for sure, don’t throw it up to him now or when you have a fight the next time and you rehash the 72 things that you’ve made a mental note of that you don’t like that he did. That is all drama.

So if something is bothering you, like your husband goes out for beers every day when you want him to be at home instead, or your kid speaks rudely to you all the time, again, if you will just stick to the facts and handle these things calmly and without anger, and without sarcasm, you’re always going to get a better result. And you know what else you’re going to avoid? The hours of agony, of discussion, of guilt, and of pain that comes when you don’t stay calm and you don’t stick to the facts.

And I know this from personal experience. I’ve tried it both ways. And realize, just talking to them calmly doesn’t ensure that they’re going to do what you ask them to do, but neither does having a total knockdown drag out. In fact, in my experience, the calmer I am, the better result I do get. When I go into a tailspin, especially if I’m reacting dramatic outwardly, then that just gives them an excuse to not do what I ask them to do.

They’re like, “Man, she’s a B today. I’m just getting out of here. I’m not doing that thing she wants. I’m gone.” You know, so if I stay calm, I’m much more likely to get the result that I want. But it doesn’t guarantee it.

And you know what? If they don’t do what I want them to do, that’s their choice. I can’t make them. And I’m going to be 100% responsible for my own happiness, no drama allowed, no matter what those other people in my life and my family do, okay? Because I just don’t want to be unhappy all the time.

And if you’re sitting there thinking, “I don’t even believe this is possible,” I want you to try it for a week. So skip the drama for a whole week in every single situation and just do what you’re supposed to do and stick to the facts and see what happens. And then have a week where you let yourself react and be dramatic as you possibly can and see what happens, and then compare the results.

Okay, when I say it that way it’s funny, isn’t it? You know already you don’t have to have the experiment. You don’t have to because the dramatic week is just going to be a train wreck and chaos. And when you stay calm, there is a chance that you could have a happier existence and get some better results, right? It’s logical. And it’s true.

And if we are now realizing that we have power over how we describe our lives all the time, even in our own head, and how we describe every situation even in our own head, then we can realize that we also have the power not to embellish and not to share or spread gossip about any situation. We have a choice there too because that is also drama.

And you know what? Gossip exacerbates the drama. The more you tell the hearsay or the made-up version of anything that you created in your head and embellished out loud, the bigger the drama gets. So stopping drama, even if yours is just mainly in your head like mine was, and not especially with other people, if it’s still just in your head, you have no idea how much this is going to drastically change your life for the better.

I am living proof of that. So what do you do now? Well, figure out what you’re doing with that quiz that we talked about in your life that’s causing drama, and figure out if you’re attached to this negative story that you tell yourself about yourself or about others. And notice if you use drama to do things like procrastinate or to get attention from others because drama can wreak havoc in your life.

And realize, just because you and your family have a lot going on and that your schedule’s really packed, that doesn’t mean your life has to be dramatic. Meaning that doesn’t mean that you have to constantly be complaining about all your business tasks and all your kid’s activities, and how long your to-do list is and how little sleep you got.

Because you know what else? Complaining is drama too. And remember, you are the one who signed up for that job and all those activities and signed your kids up for all those activities and all those commitments. They were your choice. So it is also your choice whether you have drama around all those things or you stay calm and don’t think or talk in a dramatic way about your life that has a lot going on in it.

Because it’s not necessarily a bad thing, okay? And you’re going to get so much more accomplished without the drama and then you can save all that energy and passion that you’ve been putting into drama and use it to do something amazing in your life and business like get super excited about your work or your zone of genius like we’ve talked about in previous episodes, and go make a big difference in a big, giant, positive way in your life and others to create a life and a business that you truly love.

So get busy checking out yourself, seeing if your drama, and decide if you want to create a no drama zone, especially in your brain because I created that for myself and it absolutely changed my life and I know it’ll change yours too. See you next time, friends. Bye-bye.

Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of The Design You Podcast. And if you’d like even more support for designing a business and a life that you love, then check out my exclusive monthly coaching program Design You at tobifairley.com.

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Hi! I'm Tobi

I help creative women (and a few really progressive dudes) design profit-generating, soul-fulfilling businesses that let them own their schedule, upgrade their life and feel more alive than ever!

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