Let’s be honest—making friends as an adult can feel harder than finding a parking spot at Target on a Saturday. And if you’ve ever felt like you’re out there trying to find your squad with all the ease and grace of a middle schooler at their first dance, welcome to the club. It’s awkward. It’s intimidating. And sometimes it feels like everyone else has this fabulous girl gang except for you.
But before we go any further, let’s squash two massive lies society loves to tell us:
- All girls are catty, backstabbing, and secretly out to get you.
- If you don’t have a “squad” of brunch-going, vacation-taking besties, you’re failing at life.
Spoiler alert: neither of these are true. But they sure do make it feel intimidating to put yourself out there and find your people, don’t they?
So, how do you actually make friends as an adult without feeling like you’re reliving the terror of middle school cafeteria politics? And better yet, how do you find real, meaningful friendships that make you feel seen, heard, and understood? Let’s break it down and debunk the nonsense once and for all. Because honey, we’re too old for this high school drama.
The Myth of Catty Women: We’re Not 13 Anymore
Let’s start with the whole “women are catty” narrative. For whatever reason, the world loves to paint women as mean girls in waiting, ready to tear each other down with a well-timed side-eye or backhanded compliment. And while we’ve all encountered our share of not-so-great people (I’m looking at you, Karens), most women are out here just trying to find connection, friendship, and a good time.
So, don’t let the fear of catty behavior stop you from putting yourself out there. The idea that women can’t support each other is a myth designed to keep us feeling small, and I’m not here for it. The truth? When you find the right group, they’ll be the ones cheering you on the loudest, not the ones secretly hoping you trip in your new heels.
The Pressure to Have a “Squad”: You’re Doing Just Fine
Oh, and that other little lie society loves to tell us? That you need a picture-perfect squad of friends at all times to prove you’re thriving. If you’re not surrounded by a fabulous group of brunch-going, rosé-drinking women on the regular, well, clearly something’s wrong with you, right? Wrong.
Here’s the truth: quality over quantity, my friends. You don’t need a massive squad to be winning at life. If you’ve got one or two meaningful friendships, you’re already ahead of the game. Instagram might have you thinking you need a whole entourage, but real life isn’t a reality show. You’re not doing it wrong if your circle is small but mighty.
Why Adult Friendships Feel Like Middle School Drama
Now, let’s talk about why making friends as an adult can feel so… middle school. Remember the social hierarchy of cafeteria seating, where you either had your place or you were wandering around with your lunch tray like a lost puppy? Well, that feeling of “where do I fit in?” doesn’t exactly disappear once we hit adulthood. It just morphs into different forms.
We’re all walking around with insecurities, and that makes putting yourself out there feel terrifying. The world loves to tell us that if you’re not already part of a squad, you’re destined to be on the outside forever. And so, we don’t try. We tell ourselves, “I’m too old for new friends,” or “No one gets me.” But girl, let me tell you—that’s a lie.
There are so many women out there who are also looking for connection. They’re just as nervous as you are, and they’re waiting for someone like you to make the first move. You’re not in middle school anymore—you get to choose your own table now.
How to Start Finding Your People (Without the Drama)
Ready to ditch the middle school vibes and find your squad? It’s easier than you think—though yes, it’s going to take a little courage (and probably a cocktail or two). Here’s how to start building those real, no-BS adult friendships:
1. Put Yourself Out There, Even if It Feels Awkward
Yeah, I know. You don’t want to be the weirdo striking up conversations with strangers like you’re auditioning for “The Real Housewives.” But hear me out: if you want to make friends, you’ve got to put yourself out there. Take a class, join a group, go to that community event you’ve been thinking about. The right people won’t think you’re weird—they’ll be glad you showed up.
And yes, it’s going to feel awkward at first. Embrace it. Everyone’s a little awkward when they’re making new friends—it’s basically a rite of passage.
2. Start Small
Forget trying to assemble an entire girl gang overnight. Focus on connecting with one person at a time. Ask that friendly co-worker out for coffee. Strike up a conversation with another mom at your kid’s school. You don’t need a crew; you just need one connection to start building real friendships.
3. Be Your Authentic Self
Remember how in middle school we all tried to fit into whatever mold we thought would make us popular? Well, those days are over. Be yourself. I’m talking about the real, unfiltered, “this is me, take it or leave it” version of you. When you show up authentically, you attract people who love you for who you are—not who you’re pretending to be.
4. Find Hobbies That Bring You Joy
I’m telling you, hobbies are the secret sauce to finding your squad. Whether it’s dancing, Mahjong, needlepoint, pickleball or something completely different, getting involved in activities you genuinely enjoy is the perfect way to meet like-minded women. Plus, it gives you a built-in way to connect. You’re not just sitting around hoping for conversation—you’re already doing something together.
5. Don’t Rush the Process
Making adult friends isn’t a sprint—it’s a marathon. The connections that matter take time to build, so don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t happen overnight. Let the friendships evolve naturally. Sometimes the best relationships take a little time to bloom.
Friendship on Your Terms
Here’s the best part about making friends as an adult: you get to do it on your terms. You’re not chasing popularity or trying to fit in with a clique. You’re looking for real, meaningful connections with women who get you—and those friendships are out there waiting for you.
It’s not about finding the biggest squad or following the Instagram version of friendship. It’s about creating relationships that feel right for you. So take a deep breath, embrace the awkwardness, and go find your people. They’re out there, and they’re looking for someone just like you.
