A little over a year ago, as my house became quieter and I officially became an empty nester, I had a major epiphany: I was at a crossroads. I’d spent so much time focused on my family, my businesses, and the grind, that when things slowed down, I realized I didn’t know what the heck to do with myself. Was I just going to keep working until I died? Was that the plan? Absolutely not.
I made the decision right then and there to stop living in the grind and start living for joy. But I didn’t just want a fleeting sense of happiness or excitement; I wanted a practice—a daily commitment to finding joy in my life. And let me tell you, that decision changed everything.
Here’s how I developed my joy practice, and how you can create your own.
Step 1: Make Joy a Priority
This might sound obvious, but the first thing I had to do was decide that joy was a priority for me. That meant I had to stop seeing joy as some “extra” thing that I might get to once my to-do list was done. No, honey—joy came first. If you don’t make joy a non-negotiable in your life, it’ll always take a backseat to whatever else you think is more important.
When I made joy a priority, it wasn’t about blowing off responsibilities. It was about recognizing that if I wasn’t taking care of my own happiness, nothing else I did would be as fulfilling as it could be. So, I committed to making time for joy every single day—even if it was just for 10 minutes.
Step 2: Find What Lights You Up
Now, here’s the fun part—figuring out what actually brings you joy. And trust me, this might take some experimenting. For me, it was about reconnecting with the things that used to light me up before life got so busy. I picked up my paintbrush again. I rediscovered needlepoint and fell head-over-heels back in love with it. I even took up tap dancing at 51, which I hadn’t done since college and felt like the most joyful, ridiculous, and fun thing I could do for myself.
But your joy might come from something completely different. Maybe it’s baking, gardening, or knitting. Maybe it’s learning a new language or taking up photography. The key is to find something that makes you feel fully alive, not because it’s productive or practical, but because it simply makes you happy.
And don’t be afraid to try something new or even ridiculous—sometimes joy comes from stepping out of your comfort zone.
Step 3: Build a Routine Around Joy
Once I figured out what brought me joy, I made it part of my routine. I didn’t wait for the perfect moment to fit it in—I created the moment. Whether it was spending time with my needlepoint every evening or getting together with my Mahjong Moxie crew for a few hours of laughter and Mahjong every month, or tapping it out in class every Tuesday night, I made sure there was space in my days for joy.
If you don’t schedule it, it won’t happen. Trust me, I’ve learned that the hard way. Life will always find a way to fill your time with endless tasks and obligations. But when you carve out specific time for joy—whether it’s 10 minutes in the morning or an hour on the weekend—it becomes a practice you can count on. Now it’s more likely I have to force myself to work than force myself to play which is 180 degrees from the 30 and 40-something versions of me.
Step 4: Surround Yourself with People Who Add Joy to Your Life
Let’s be real—joy is contagious. And while I’ve always been pretty independent and didn’t think I needed a lot of friends, my hobbies introduced me to some of the best people I’ve ever met. Now, I’ve got my Mahjong squad, my tap-dancing group, and even my needlepoint pals, and these friendships have brought me more joy than I ever could have imagined.
The old me didn’t really make space for friends. In fact, my husband and daughter used to joke about how they’d never be able to throw me a surprise birthday party because I didn’t have enough people to invite! But now? I’ve got a whole girl gang, or several. And these women are becoming the ones I travel with, share laughs with, and build memories with.
Having people in your life who get you and share your joy is invaluable. They lift you up, they make you laugh, and they remind you that life is meant to be lived, not just worked through. So don’t be afraid to seek out those friendships that bring you joy.
Step 5: Give Yourself Permission to Play
As adults, we sometimes forget that it’s OK to play. We get so caught up in being productive and checking off the boxes that we forget how to have fun for the sake of having fun. But here’s the truth: Play is essential. It’s not just for kids, and it’s not frivolous. Play is where creativity, relaxation, and happiness live.
When I took up tap dancing, it was pure play for me. Was I going to be the next Ginger Rogers? Absolutely not. But I didn’t care. It was joyful, exhilarating, and a total blast. And it reminded me that sometimes the most important thing we can do is just have fun. So if you’re thinking, “I’m too old for this,” or “I don’t have time to play,” I’m here to tell you to make the time. Your joy depends on it.
Why a Joy Practice Matters
Since starting my joy practice, my entire outlook on life has shifted. I’m no longer running on the hamster wheel of endless work. I’m not burning myself out trying to do all the things. Instead, I’m doing what makes me happy, and it’s made me a better business owner, wife, and mother.
Creating a joy practice has given me freedom, creativity, and peace in a way I never thought possible. It’s allowed me to reconnect with myself and build a life that isn’t just about what I can achieve, but about what I can enjoy.
So if you’re feeling burned out or like you’re just grinding away, I invite you to join me in creating a joy practice of your own. Find what lights you up, make it part of your routine, surround yourself with joyful people, and most importantly, give yourself permission to play.
