Self Care Saturday: Confidence is Everything!

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Hello Friends,

Here we are on my last “Self Care Saturday” of 2012. It’s been a great year and I think 2013 is going to be even better. As I wind down this year and look to the new one with plans, dreams, and resolutions, I have been thinking a lot about what it is that helps people achieve their goals and stick to their resolutions. And I kept coming back to one word…Confidence.

I never realized that a lack of confidence is such an epidemic in our country or even the world until I started coaching and mentoring others. It blows my mind each time I encounter a talented, beautiful, brilliant, woman that has so little confidence in herself. And this happens almost every week.

I also didn’t realize until recent years what a gift it is for someone, typically a parent, to give you the gift of confidence. I am one of the lucky ones with two loving and supportive parents that helped me believe I could be anything that I wanted to be and that have supported me emotionally, physically, and financially to help me get a great education and start my own business.

But what I find so often with my consulting clients is that someone in their life (or someone absent from their life) didn’t give them that unconditional love and support needed to cultivate an attitude of fearlessness and an unbridled confidence that each of us needs to make it out in our big, scary world! And often it is even worse…those that are supposed to love and support you actually planted many seeds of self-doubt and insecurity in your thoughts that you just can’t help but believe.

So as I set my resolutions for 2013, one of them will be to help others, as many people as I possibly can, to have this kind of love and support next year to reach their dreams.  I LOVE more than anything, building people up, showing them how amazing they are, and holding their hand as they reach for and achieve their dreams!

One of my Mastermind Members made me aware of Gwenyth Paltrow’s latest issue of GOOP that addresses a big player in this insecurity epidemic…Perfectionism.

I love giving people the confidence to NOT know it all. To NOT be Perfect. In fact, one of the best parts of life is learning, so helping people open their eyes and their minds to all the questions, all the possibilities, and watching as they try different solutions that work for them…Now THAT is what inspires me.

The funny thing about confidence, or the lack of it, is that most people know everything they need to know RIGHT THIS MINUTE to fulfill their wildest dreams. They just don’t think they do. So I am constantly reassuring those I mentor either through my consulting business, here on the blog, or even on Facebook and Twitter that you can stop searching for the answer, and just start listening to your gut and following your heart. They will lead you right where you need to go.

I think the easiest and most effective way to become confident is to just DECIDE. Yes, it’s that easy. Just decide that you don’t care what other people say or think of you. If you ask any of my Mastermind Members they will tell you that my VERY favorite saying of all time is this…”What other people think of me is none of my business!” And we remind each of them of this profound quote each time a shred of doubt creeps into their self-talk or their spouse’s feedback, or their mother’s opinion.

Now don’t get me wrong, you definitely need the love and support of those special people your life. But you don’t have to take their opinions as the gospel. You can kindly and sincerely thank those people for loving you enough to give great advice. And then you can only take the advice that fits with your goals and dreams and be grateful to them for sharing it with you!

But hear me out here, because this may be the most important thing I will say today. I am giving you permission to leave all other advice behind, without saying a word, without making the giver feel bad or stupid, and without ANY guilt attached to not taking it. In fact don’t even tell them that you didn’t. Just treat them with love and appreciation and then give that same courtesy to yourself. No beating yourself up. No tearing yourself down. No strings attached. You are the ONLY person who needs to love your decision. ONLY YOU! PERIOD!

Take pride in being uniquely you. And find others to surround yourself with that appreciate your authenticity while you slowly and quietly move away from those that don’t.

And surround yourself with people who will stand behind you with a smile, ready to catch you if you fall while you push yourself to do those things that are most frightening to you.

But remember that so often the things we fear aren’t really that scary. And if your biggest fear is being wrong, then you shouldn’t be scared at all. Everyone is wrong, every single day, hundreds of times. We’ve got tons of practice at it. So why should we fear it? What would happen if we embrace it. If it becomes our friend? And if each time we are wrong, we remind ourselves that we are one step closer to getting it right. What if we think of it as a blessing because we now know one more thing that won’t work, so we can move on to the things that will?

So if being wrong is no longer scary, and we surround ourselves with people who will catch us when we fall, then what dreams can we NOT reach. If we tear down all the walls of doubt and insecurity, there is no way we can fail!

And if we even redefine what it means to be happy and successful.  And if we can just decide to change our attitudes and in turn change our lives, then we can be happy and confident every day. It’s that easy…we write our own standards and we write them so we can achieve them. We don’t set ourselves up for failure but rather set ourselves up for ultimate happiness and success!

And if ultimately we learn to love ourselves through our successes and our failures. If we learn that neither of them define us, but that we are great people through our ups and our downs, then a bad moment, doesn’t become a bad day, doesn’t become a bad life. A bad moment is just that…a bad moment and since it only lasts a moment, then how painful can it really be?

So then if we have the confidence to do what we love, be who we are, and put ourselves out there fully and embrace it, no one can ever tear us down. If we reveal all our “secrets” and embrace our passions, then no one has any power over us because we have nothing to hide. And when we are truly happy with the person we are, just the way we are at this moment, no matter what our weight or the size of our bank accounts then no one can hold us back.

And yes, sometimes insecurity will still creep back in. But you will now recognize it as someone you used to know. And you can embrace it. And then you escort it right out of your life with a smile!

So if your dream for 2013 is to Stand Out…I’m here to tell you that YOU CAN DO IT with confidence! My dream for 2013 is to be the source of strength for many people just like you. I want to help many phenomenal individuals and entrepreneurs really stand out, embrace their unique niches, and make money with their talents.

And if this all seems bigger than you, don’t worry. It starts with just one tiny step. One tiny moment of knowing you are Strong. You are Brave. You are Smart. And that one moment will lead to the next, and the next.

So start today. Believe in yourself because I believe in you!

And I think you are beautiful. So I can’t wait to see you have the confidence to Be You!

And on this Self Care Saturday, promise me that you will do something for yourself today that will make you love yourself a little bit more than you did yesterday. Because when we take care of ourselves we are at our best. And when we are at our best, we have more confidence. And confidence breeds more confidence. So ultimately self care=confidence!

And I am giving you permission today to practice self care! And to practice confidence. Because practice makes perfect. 🙂

Be sure to leave me a comment on how I can help you have more confidence in 2013. I’d love your feedback as I plan my blog content for next year.

Happy Saturday!


P.S. Be sure to meet me back here daily to hear more about my plans and resolutions for 2013. It’s going to be exciting!
Tobi Fairley Life Solutions
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11 Responses to Self Care Saturday: Confidence is Everything!

  1. Tobi – Thank you for sharing so much with us. Some of the quotes had me rolling on the floor. Because they were so true and so true for me. As always, your recovering perfectionist!

  2. How timely!! Tobi you are so blessed with a wonderful resource of confidence instilled by your parents. This is a gift you were meant to share and pass down and I love that you are sharing this gift with those of us who did not have that as a foundation. Thank you and thank you for instilling confidence in me and believing in me when others didn’t. I can’t wait to see what 2013 holds for us with your guidance as our foundation.

  3. The ability to not care what others think of you is a big step! I believe that being confident, standing out & sparkling is not possible if you are constantly worried about what others are saying. We are human and we are not perfect. If we fall, we have to just get right back up again! Not letting the “cancer” move us in the wrong direction. Thank you for the vote of confidence and believing Tobi! “Super Saturday”

  4. Ann McDonald says:

    You KNOW I love this. That whole “living a custom life – there is only one you” thing ;)! Keep shouting from the mountain tops Tobi! So many need to hear & know…xo & Happy New Year!

  5. Mary Levin says:

    I have made many changes in my life over the past 4 years. Those changes have helped tremedously but the old doubts keep creeping in. Thank you for your continued inspiration and the mental boost each Saturday.

  6. Love this Tobi. And very timely. I’m on a path of finding balance in my life – and also learning to love me the way i am – so very imperfect, but that’s okay, because i’m kinda liking this me and learning to let me just BE ME.

    Thanks for the lovely encouragement you instill with your words.

    Best wishes
    Jane Beckenham

  7. Jennifer says:

    These quotes are wonderful, and are such good reminders for me. I have always struggled with trying to please others, caring too much about what people thought about me, and feeling bad about myself because of it. I look forward to all your self care quotes. It really gives me a boost, and helps me make baby steps in a positive direction. Happy New Year, Tobi. I love your blog!

  8. Maria says:

    Absolutely LOVED this post… so timely for the new year! Words of wisdom we should all follow, but too often don’t believe. Thank you for sharing! Would love to hear more about gaining self confidence in future posts :). Do you recommend any books on this topic?

  9. Karen says:

    Very timely indeed as I am 52 and want to get back into the workforce and am not sure where to start – a lack of confidence staring me in the face! I read your blog and my eyes well up as I think you are talking about me. Thank you for your words of confidence. I know I can do it, just need to take the baby steps.

  10. Monica says:

    This was a good post…I will work hard to be positive and tear down negativity that holds be back.