Archive for the ‘MFT’ Category

What People Think of You is None of Your Business!!

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I recently wrote a post on Confidence and the general lack of it in our society. I am constantly amazed at how many people struggle with insecurity…most people, really. And not to say that I never have my moments of it, but I mostly feel very comfortable with my vision for life and my future and I am confident that the decisions I am making to get there are the absolute best that I know how to make at a given time, with the information I have.

I work on this daily. I do everything in my power to find clarity in what I want, what my purpose is, and where I can have the greatest impact for good in the world. And believe me: doing this is HARD work.

Just yesterday I was reading this great blog post by one of my favorite guru’s that I mention here often, Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love. Mastin was writing about “Why we should forgive Lance Armstrong.” Now, just talking about this subject takes guts. And for Mastin to take a stand in this way will certainly bring lots of opinions and haters out of the woodwork. But Mastin knows that to fulfill his calling of teaching others to love one another, he has to do things that are unpopular to many.

Mastin was basically referring to the great bible verse “Ye who is without sin should cast the first stone.” And whether you are a Christian or not, I think you will agree that this concept of the “Pot Calling the Kettle Black,” isn’t a productive way to live. And I very much align with Mastin’s call to Love one another, above all else.

Mastin and I agree on lots of things actually, but one thing we REALLY agree on is that people must take responsibility for their own actions if we are going to make a positive difference in this world. The blame game gets us nowhere.

Dr. Wayne Dyer, another of my favorite mentors, outlines this idea in his book  Excuses BeGone. And if you have not read this book, RUSH to the bookstore or your kindle app on the iPad and download it this instant!!! Wayne says that if you ever want to reach your goals, you must take 100% responsibility for EVERYTHING that has happened to you or that you have done in your life. 100%! Reminds me of my post just a few days ago about Jack Canfield’s “99% is a bitch and 100% is a breeze” rule. And I agree with Mastin, Wayne, and Jack that until we take 100% responsibility, life will continue to be a bitch!

But what you also need to remember is that worrying about what others think of you can be that 1% that will derail your whole path. Living in fear of having someone judge you or having a critical opinion of your decisions and choices is one of the most dangerous sorts of insecurities. It will either paralyze you from making decisions or bring agony to your daily existence worrying what everyone is saying about you. It’s a miserable way to live.

Most people are always going to have an opinion on what you do; that’s life. We can’t control what other people think or say or do. But we can control whether we listen to it. And whether it affects us.

Because I am one to use full-disclosure here on the blog to help inspire all of you and to keep me humble, I want to tell you about a choice I made this week. It was one of the most difficult decisions I have made in my business career: I let two of my employees go. The reason? Because I have a vision for where my company is heading. I have a vision for what it will take to get us there. I have a plan for who needs to be on my team to help make that happen. And I had to get REAL about who on our team may not be aligned with my goals and dreams in a big and authentic way. Remember my resolution for Inspired Business? Well I needed to make sure that everyone on Team Tobi was dedicated to that same goal to the same degree that I am. 100%.  So as you can imagine, chances are that not everyone is on the same path as me even on my own team.

It wasn’t a personal slight against anyone, but it was a deeply personal decision for me. What I mean is that this is my business, based on my vision, my goals, and my purpose. And I need to decide how to make those goals a reality. And I must have the courage to make any changes necessary to make that happen.  But decisions like this always feel like they are personal to all involved, because people and feelings are at stake. I have to say that those 2 team members were graceful under the pressure of this change. They handled it with professionalism and there was no drama. It spoke highly of them and I so totally admire that.

But the only reason I tell you about this situation at all is to help you understand that people,  everyone, I go through these difficult life decisions, just like you do. But somehow so many of you think that it’s only you. You look at others and think, “she has it together and why am I the only one who always struggles with decisions?” But you see, you aren’t the only one. We ALL do. So why are you comparing your “worst” with everyone else’s “best”? It’s not apples to apples.

The difference in being happy or being insecure is HOW we handle these difficult decisions and situations. It’s about learning that “What other people think of you is none of your business.” They have their opinion, and they are entitled to it. But you don’t have to hear it. Or listen to it. Or choose to be affected by it. It’s easy for others who aren’t making the tough decisions to judge yours. It’s easy for them to “cast the first stone.” It’s easy for others to decide whether you are right or wrong when they don’t even know anything about the situation. They weren’t there. They have no idea where you are heading. And it really doesn’t even matter if they do. This is about you.

Only you know what is in your heart. Only you know the path you are on. And only you know what God or the Universe is moving you to do to fully realize your authentic self. Only you have power over your own life.

And wouldn’t it be a shame for you to not reach your fullest potential because you are afraid of what others think?

What if the great leaders in history who have shaped our countries, made medical advances, helped those in need had stopped in their tracks because others thought they were stupid, crazy, silly, insensitive, off-track, selfish or any other number of adjectives or opinions that I am certain were formed about these movers and shakers? What if insecurities stopped them from reaching their dreams? Where would we be today?

I am here to tell you…from one person to another who is trying her best to authentically move down her path in life, one tough decision at a time…”What other people think of you is none of your business.” There will be both lovers and haters of most every decision you make. But all that matters is that you know in your heart that you are making the decision that is right for you and your life. So make it and move on. Worrying about yesterday’s decisions today, will only keep you from your next big leap!

Will these decisions be hard? If you are making the right ones…of course. No one ever said life would be easy. But if you have the guts to make the tough decisions, the rewards will be great. Your impact on the world will be great. And the positive light you shed on so many will be great.

So today I am wishing you the courage to make the tough decisions in your life and not worry about what others think of you. Think of all the people you could be helping, yet fear is stopping you. Fear of what people who already don’t love you will be saying about you? They are saying it anyway. It is really a lose/lose situation if you are basing your life on what others think. The win/win is when you can do what is right for you. And everything else will fall into place just the way it is supposed to.

Sending you Love today.


Color Trend: Double Mint

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Well according to your response to yesterday’s Minty Color Inspiration, you too love this fresh and cool hue. It seems as if you have been looking for a great alternative to “Tiffany Blue” and you like this softer variation on this year’s Patone Color of the Year, Emerald Green. So on that note–here’s a double dose of mint for you. It’s just too pretty to only see it for one day. And I think it’s especially chic when paired with metals…either gold or silver, for that little something extra.  Enjoy!

Are you still loving this icy tone like me? How will you incorporate it into your life? I’m so lucky because thanks to my awesome Design Team, I have this mint jelly watch to wear everyday. I think it was my favorite Christmas gift from them EVER!

Need more ideas on how to use this hue in design and fashion? You can get them from my Making a Mint Pinterest Board.  I just can’t want to have more of it. And who knew I loved it so much that my own design work was filled with it already? Here are some of my own favorite designs that have a minty flavor to them…


Thanks for indulging me in a little bit more mint. My prediction…I think this retro yet current color idea is one that we’ll be seeing more of. Like my Jadeite collection in minty green, this color in any form is just too pretty to pass up.

Happy Decorating,

p.s. Want to MAKE A MINT this year in your business? Then don’t miss my first ever Designer MBA Twitter Chat today at 1pm CST. In this monthly chat, I’ll be bringing you tried and true business techniques paired with cutting edge business innovations like I teach in my Designer MBA Camp but for FREE on Twitter. You can find me on Twitter @Tobifairley and our hashtag for the chat will be #designermba . See you this afternoon for a lively discussion!

How to Dream Big and in Color:Tobi’s 10 Tips for Embracing Color in 2013

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Do you aspire to really embrace COLOR this year? Are you finally ready to really make the leap towards using color fearlessly in your interior? Is your New Year’s Resolution for 2013 to get rid of your drab neutral spaces and give them life with “Pops of Color”?

Well if you said yes to any or all of these, I am definitely your go-to gal for how to use Bold, Dramatic Color in any space without Fear or Failure!

Just yesterday I started my day over at the KATV Channel 7 studio for my monthly Good Morning Arkansas’ Design Time with Tobi Fairley segment. Melinda and I were talking POPS of color in your home in the New Year and particularly bringing in Pantone’s Color of 2013…Emerald, with Style!

 I also mentioned my recent InBox Interiors feature in the December 2012 issue of Southern Living Magazine all about using pops of color (in this case pink and blue) to say WOW in your space! In case you missed the segment, I’ve included it here:

KATV – Breaking News, Weather and Razorback Sports

Little color punches in any room remind me of the really stand-out great moments in our daily lives. They are like the “sweet spots” or eye candy in your room, just like one great moment can really make your day! Not only are these color infusions simply stunning, they also make the larger picture much more interesting! And this idea of Moments of “Inspiration” in your Design are like Moments of Inspiration in life. In fact, if you’ve been following my resolutions posts so far this year, this idea ties back perfectly to my “Word of the Year” for 2013…Inspired! Why not live in an “Inspired Interior” every day of the year? And what better way to make it inspirational than with color?

So if you are scared to embrace color, even in small POPS, here are my Tobi’s Top 10 Tips for getting rid of the Fear and making your room Fab, Fun, and Full of Fearless Color!

1. Easing into a Soft Color: Well if you want to ease outside your comfort zone, and into your COLOR zone, selecting a soft color palette (instead of brights) might be more your style. And yes, paler hues are still color. Consider a soft blue, green, lavender or even pink. It will feel much like a neutral but it’s not. And you will be able to pat yourself on the back for joining the “color club”!

(Betsey Burnham)

(Tobi Fairley)

(House Beautiful)

(Barry Dixon)

2. Color is in the details: Even a true detail can serve as a pop of color. Books, Flowers, and Accessories alone can be just enough of a color infusion to make your space “Colorful Chic”. Even these yellow roses make this room read like its loaded with color!

(Tobi Fairley)


(Decor Pad)

(Amanda Nisbet)

3. Artwork Driving the Color Story: Artwork is always a great way to infuse a bold color in your space. To go for a museum look, keep the walls white and let the artwork be the star! And if you want to give the color a point of reference, mimic the artworks palette in a few sophisticated details. For you Fine Art Aficionados, don’t worry that this approach will look matchy…if used with restraint the coordinated elements will only add depth and interest.

(David Duncan Livingston)

(Christine d’Ornano)

(Amanda Nisbet)

(Elle Decor)

4. Black and White with a Pop of Color: A classic black and white palette is a bold and graphic base to support fun infusions of a vibrant hue. The great thing about using black and white as the “bones” of your space is that it is a truly timeless combination. And on the slim chance you tire of your color accents, it’s not to hard to change them out, recover them, or put them away for a while until you long for them again.

(Tobi Fairley)

(Grant Gibson)

(Tobi Fairley)

(Style at Home)

5. Color as a Neutral: Color Devoid of Contrast acts as a neutral. I was quoted saying this in House Beautiful back in March of 2010 and the concept still holds true. Layering shades of one color, a Monochromatic approach, makes for a soothing result. Either in soft shades for serenity, or rich shades for depth and comfort, a Monochromatic space is much more relaxing than it’s alternative…a room full of stark contrast.

(Tobi Fairley)

(Tobi Fairley)

(Tobi Fairley)

(David Collins)

(Todd Romano in Architectural Digest)

6. Going Bright!: And speaking of contrast, if you are ready to really embrace your inner Color Warrior, going bright will do the trick. Subscribing to the Go Bold or Go Home approach to color isn’t for the faint of heart but it can be very rewarding if you get it right. One fun option is using a variety of colors all in the same intensity (as these chairs radiating around the dining table). But you can also let a couple of the brights (Yellow and Blue) be the stars with a third color (green) as an accent all on a neutral base as evidenced by the stunning Amanda Nisbet room below. Are those yellow drapes gorgeous or what???

(Amanda Nisbet)

(Tobi Fairley)

7. Layering Colors: A more Traditional Approach, layering a variety of shades, hues, and intensities along with a slew of neutrals as the base, is most people’s approach to embracing Color. And who says Traditional has to be boring, Miles Redd certainly doesn’t think so!

(Miles Redd)

(Scot Meacham Wood)

(Hutton Wilkinson)

(Todd Romano)

8. Pops of a Single Hue in a Variety of Shades: A Monochromatic approach to your accent color can have great impact but still feel clean and fresh. For a purist approach to this concept, don’t even bring in small accents in a contrasting color. If you pick a hue, commit to it and don’t waiver for the best results.

(Tobi Fairley)

(Tobi Fairley)

9. Color on the Wall: If you are feeling extra Feisty, bring your color to the walls. Not for the faint of heart, color on the walls is a commitment for sure, but is still pretty easy on the pocket book. For the most sophisticated result with color on the wall, let the walls play the lead here and the furniture a supporting role.

(Tobi Fairley)

(Eric Cohler)

(Jamie Drake)

(Rob Passal)

(Katie Ridder)

10.Color mixed with Natural Elements: Bold colors suddenly become easier on the eye when toned down with great textures and natural elements. It’s like a gorgeous flower blossom in a forest…that bright spot in a sea of handsome.

(Denise McGaha)

I hope my Ten Tips for Embracing Color inspire you to make your home full of little (or BIG) color surprises this year; and I hope it helps you see how the extra-special moments of our lives (so many of them come during the holidays) are not only exciting in themselves, they also make every second of our lives better just because they happened.

Here’s wishing that “Color Happens” for you in 2013. Happy Decorating!





p. s. Need a few “pops” in your life? Here are a few options from Tobi Fairley Interior Design and Business Solutions that just might help…

*Want a POP of business motivation delivered to you, directly to your inbox weekly all year long? Yes? Then you’re ready to join me for Tobi Fairley E-Coaching!

*Want to really give your business a JOLT? Join me for my new Designer MBA Camp or my Year-Long Mastermind Mentoring Program.

*Want to add COLOR to your space like on the pages of Southern Living’s December Issue but afraid to go it alone? Check out my InBox Interiors Service and we’ll hold your hand as you DIY your space with Bold hues!

Here’s wishing you all the Perfect POPS in 2013 to make your Design and Business Dreams Come True!!

New York City Holiday House with Traditional Home Magazine

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Hi Friends,

Thanks so much for your patience with my lack of blogging of late. I have been so busy with travel during September and October, that I just can’t seem to get to everything.

But I didn’t want to wait another minute to tell you about the amazing Showhouse that I am participating in with Traditional Home Magazine. It is in New York City on the upper East side (63rd and 5th Avenue to be exact) and it’s called Holiday House. I am so honored to have designed Traditional Home’s sponsored room and to be in a showhouse with the likes of Design Greats Eric Cohler, Charlotte Moss, Geoffrey Bradfield, Vincente Wolf and many more big names in the design industry.

The Opening Gala for Holiday House was last night and what a great party it was! Beginning today, the house is open for tours daily and believe me- it is one showhouse you won’t want to miss.

Holiday House is an interesting concept in which designers create rooms based on a holiday theme. Now not all the “holidays” are the traditional ones.  Mine, in fact, is called Spring Forward and it is in celebration of the time each Spring when we “Spring Forward”, but it is also a play on words as the room concept is built around being “Fashion Forward”.

In my space you will find all sorts of fashion references and couture detailing beginning with my classic color palette (for both fashion and interiors) of black and white inspired by the Phillip Jeffries wallcovering that graces my space and is magnified by these chic paintings by Kansas City artist Jane Booth. Oh, and did you notice my black and white Faux Bois fabric from my Tobi Fairley Home Collection?

Other details like grosgrain ribbon trim, applique and embroidery on the drapery panels, contrast welting on my channel-back banquettes, and the sexy curves of my Hickory Chair slipper chairs all bring to mind a feminine fashionista.

In fact all my gorgeous furniture is from Hickory Chair and what a pleasure it was to work with them once again on a successful show house!

And to top it all off, my delicate chandeliers from Canopy Designs and these TO DIE FOR vintage Murano Emerald lamps from Swank lighting are the “jewelry” of my design.

And for those of you who are a fan of Dunes and Duchess, you won’t want to miss how great their double sconces look flanking my fireplace. I think it is the best I have seen these beauties look yet (if I say so myself!) And don’t miss seeing my GORGEOUS black natural fiber Cortina rug from Merida Meridian. It’s Yummy!

I’d like to thank all these amazing vendors that worked with me including Holiday House sponsors’ Pratt and Lambert Paints and NDI.  And a big thank you to Mountjoy Custom Drapery, Michael Savoia, Personal Touch Movers, Freddy and Sandy from Creative Strategies, Traditional Home Magazine and the Holiday House staff and volunteers! We couldn’t have pulled this off without all these great partners.

So if you are in the New York area or will be between now and  November 18th, you MUST go see the Holiday House. And the best news is that it benefits such a great cause, The Breast Cancer Research Foundation. This is a cause that is very close to my family because my husband’s mom died of breast cancer before I had the pleasure of knowing her. I also have a young friend (who is only 29 and a former member of my design team) who is currently fighting breast cancer. So PLEASE take the time to see this gorgeous designer showhouse and help this very important cause!

I look forward to hearing what you all think of my “Spring Forward” design. And I will be back soon with many more exciting blog posts because I have SO much to tell you that has been happening over the last few weeks and months.

Oh and speaking of exciting things…If you are in the New York area or will be there next week, please come have breakfast and hear me speak at Astra in the D & D building with Traditional Home and design celebs Philip Gorrivan, Patrik Lonn, Anne Foster Maxwell of Tilton Fenwick, Gideon Mendelson and blogger and author Ronda Carman of All the Best blog,along with the Scottish Textile Industry.

One of the things I haven’t had time to get you up to speed on is the FANTASTIC trip that I took with Traditional Home and these amazing designers to Scotland in June.  I will be bringing you an inside look at my trip to Scotland here on the blog very soon, but you won’t want to miss hearing all about our amazing experience touring Scottish Textile mills first hand on Tuesday, October 30th at 10am.

And as an added bonus, see the chairs each of us designed using Scottish Textiles and great frames from Edward Ferrell + Lewis Mittman. (Hint: Mine is both Scottish and perfect for Breast Cancer Awareness Month!! #thinkpinktartan)

So as you can see, New York is the place to be over the next week and I hope to see you there!!