Posts Tagged ‘stress relief’

The Joy of Listening

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Listen carefully because I need to tell you something really important…We don’t listen. Yes! It is so true. None of us (or very few) truly listen to each other or to our bodies. We often don’t even listen to the small voice inside–you know the one you may call intuition or your gut that is your innermost guide to what works for you.

We don’t listen to our spouses, our children, our families or our friends. We don’t listen to clients. We don’t listen.

As a part of my course in Nutrition at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, listening is taught as a very important concept for both personal wellness and coaching others. Makes sense, doesn’t it? So why don’t we do it?

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Well we all have our reasons. Usually it’s because we are thinking of ourselves or thinking about what we are going to say next. Often it’s because we think we are smarter or know better than the person that’s talking. Sometimes it’s because our minds are wandering or fretting over all the things on our to do list. It may be because we are distracted with social media (put your phone down please!) or television or our kids or our dogs. I mean seriously could we have any more distractions in our lives?

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So I am going to be brutally honest here—isn’t listening the only way we really learn and help others? As I really started to think about the reason that I personally don’t listen the way I should to my family or my clients I learned that for me it’s a matter of time. I’m always in a hurry. I never feel like I have the “luxury” of listening. And I think that is really sad. It goes back to my post last week on “having my plate too full”. I realized I feel this constant pressure to get things done and so every meeting, every encounter whether with friends or family or my business associates or vendors I am in a race against the clock to blurt out all the important things that I feel must be said before that imaginary buzzer in my head sounds and tells me it’s time to move on to the next thing. And I wonder why I always feel so stressed!! Living in this self-imposed fight or flight mode has the cortisol pumping 24-7 in my body and the repercussions on my health and relationships is detrimental.

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Then I started thinking about the JOY that comes with listening. And I am depriving myself of that connection with others when I am harried and on a deadline for every conversation. It is most evident when I think about my pre-teen daughter. I want more than anything else to stay connected with her as she grows like my mom has connected with me. And I’ve now had the light-bulb moment about listening and I realize this means clearing my plate so that I have time to listen to her. Real time. Eye contact. Being fully present.

And that is not semi-listening while on my laptop. It’s not pseudo-listening while I am cooking dinner. It’s real listening maybe while we go for a walk, or drive in the car or head out for a frozen yogurt and sit across from each other and smile. I have been drawn to a quote for a while that says “Time without attention is worthless”. These are powerful words. I think it goes to the heart of idea of quality time. But I feel like quality time has become one of those things that Americans give lip service to, don’t you? Most of us consider it “time with family” if we are in the same room or house with them while we multi-task on a million different things. And then there’s the problem of not listening to ourselves.

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Yes, there is the whole debacle of me not listening to my body. Seriously, could it scream any louder when I am out of balance. I suspect some of you can even hear it screaming where you are right now, ha! But all joking aside, when your joints ache and your pants don’t fit and your feet hurt and your brain is foggy, wouldn’t an intelligent and logical person listen? One would think, but so few of us do. That’s why we are all overworked, sleep-deprived, stressed out, and depressed. It’s why we need alcohol and anti-depressants, mindless TV and Facebook to numb us from hearing that persistent voice inside telling us exactly what we already know, but don’t want to hear. For me the message is SLOW DOWN! DO LESS! RELAX! It’s saying please, please, please I beg of you to go up to your yoga room, or take 20 minutes and meditate, or go out for a walk and breathe all that fresh air! What message is your body telling you?

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So I am turning my focus now not to listening (ironically), but to getting things off my plate. My need to open up whitespace in my life, to prioritize and say no. I need to remove more deadlines and stress and quite honestly to love myself more. This is the only way I will be able to listen—truly listen, to those precious people and clients and colleagues that are most important to me. And it is definitely the only way I will ever hear myself.

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I know in my heart and in my gut that listening is one of the things that can bring me the most JOY this year. I want to listen to my heart, my loves and my body more than ever before.

Will you join me in finding the Joy in listening? Tell me your answer—I’m listening.

Joyfully yours,

Tobi Signature

 

 

Shopping Guide: Luxuries for the Bath

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I love making my bathroom feel as pretty and relaxing as a spa or fine hotel. And with all this talk of my two resolutions for the year–finding more joy and loving myself more–my new Kohler Vibracoustic tub has become a big part of my daily existence. Not only does it make millions of tiny relaxing bubbles, my favorite part is that it plays relaxing music of your choice above and below the water for hydrotherapy. It helps me escape a busy day. It’s amazing!!

So needless to say, I am spending more time in my new Master Bath than ever. Now with Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I am thinking all things bath related would make a perfect gift for yourself or someone you love.

Here are some of my favorite bath and vanity products that make self-care easier than ever. Wishing you more downtime to be good to yourself this year!

Joyfully yours,
Tobi-Signature

 

 

 

  1. Mullein & Sparrow Cacao Cleanse Bath Salts– These luxurious bath salts made with cacao increase blood flow, in turn, promoting healing and boosting collagen for healthier, softer skin!
  2. Erno Laszlo Sea Mud Deep Cleansing Bar– A cleansing bar with all of the benefits of Dead Sea mud! Just use morning and night as part of your cleansing process to detoxify, exfoliate, and reveal a new glow!
  3. Nest Fragrances Cashmere Suede Liquid Soap– I love Nest Fragrance products and this Cashmere Suede soap is no exception! A perfect blend of warm cashmere tones mixed with hints of tobacco leaves, black amber, and soft suede are sure to excite you and your guests!
  4. Simple Human Sensor Mirror Pro Wide-View Mirror– A lighted wide-view mirror with adjustable side panels will add ease to your morning make-up routine!
  5. Voluminous Canisters– Who says bathroom storage is boring? Keep extra soap bars, Q tips, cotton balls, or even bath salts in these shapely glass containers!
  6. Diptyque Roses Scented Candle– Sit back and relax to the scent of fresh roses for your next spa night.
  7. Juara Invigorating Coffee Scrub– Get an energizing boost in the shower with an energizing coffee scrub from Indonesian Sumatran coffee beans and finely crushed walnuts!
  8. Waterford Crystal Lismore Square Ring Holder– Place rings, earrings, necklaces, and bracelets in this gorgeous crystal ring holder for safe keeping!
  9. Hermés Eau de Mandarine Ambrée Hair and Body Shower Gel– A hair and body formula that mixes the classic, fresh citrus scent with amber to create a lively scent!
  10. AERIN Rose Hand & Body Cream– A lightweight cream that will soothe skin with magnolia and peony infusions with the decadent scent of roses!
  11. Short Silk-Trimmed Cashmere Robe– What is more glamorous and cozy than a cashmere robe? A beautiful shawl collared robe with silk trim in a feminine blush tone.
  12. Mercer Bathtub Caddy– Sink back into your tub with a good book and a glass of wine with ease when using your new bathtub caddy with an elegant polished nickel finish!
  13. UGG Classic Luxe Cotton Bath Sheet– Wrap yourself up in these pure cotton bath sheets, which are larger than the typical bath towel!
  14. Tory Burch Bath Soaps, Set of 4– Beautifully wrapped soaps in Tory Burch’s signature prints are filled with beautiful fragrances of peonies, grapefruit, and tuberose!