I recently wrote a post on Confidence and the general lack of it in our society. I am constantly amazed at how many people struggle with insecurity…most people, really. And not to say that I never have my moments of it, but I mostly feel very comfortable with my vision for life and my future and I am confident that the decisions I am making to get there are the absolute best that I know how to make at a given time, with the information I have.
I work on this daily. I do everything in my power to find clarity in what I want, what my purpose is, and where I can have the greatest impact for good in the world. And believe me: doing this is HARD work.
Just yesterday I was reading this great blog post by one of my favorite guru’s that I mention here often, Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love. Mastin was writing about “Why we should forgive Lance Armstrong.” Now, just talking about this subject takes guts. And for Mastin to take a stand in this way will certainly bring lots of opinions and haters out of the woodwork. But Mastin knows that to fulfill his calling of teaching others to love one another, he has to do things that are unpopular to many.
Mastin was basically referring to the great bible verse “Ye who is without sin should cast the first stone.” And whether you are a Christian or not, I think you will agree that this concept of the “Pot Calling the Kettle Black,” isn’t a productive way to live. And I very much align with Mastin’s call to Love one another, above all else.
Mastin and I agree on lots of things actually, but one thing we REALLY agree on is that people must take responsibility for their own actions if we are going to make a positive difference in this world. The blame game gets us nowhere.
Dr. Wayne Dyer, another of my favorite mentors, outlines this idea in his book Excuses BeGone. And if you have not read this book, RUSH to the bookstore or your kindle app on the iPad and download it this instant!!! Wayne says that if you ever want to reach your goals, you must take 100% responsibility for EVERYTHING that has happened to you or that you have done in your life. 100%! Reminds me of my post just a few days ago about Jack Canfield’s “99% is a bitch and 100% is a breeze” rule. And I agree with Mastin, Wayne, and Jack that until we take 100% responsibility, life will continue to be a bitch!
But what you also need to remember is that worrying about what others think of you can be that 1% that will derail your whole path. Living in fear of having someone judge you or having a critical opinion of your decisions and choices is one of the most dangerous sorts of insecurities. It will either paralyze you from making decisions or bring agony to your daily existence worrying what everyone is saying about you. It’s a miserable way to live.
Most people are always going to have an opinion on what you do; that’s life. We can’t control what other people think or say or do. But we can control whether we listen to it. And whether it affects us.
Because I am one to use full-disclosure here on the blog to help inspire all of you and to keep me humble, I want to tell you about a choice I made this week. It was one of the most difficult decisions I have made in my business career: I let two of my employees go. The reason? Because I have a vision for where my company is heading. I have a vision for what it will take to get us there. I have a plan for who needs to be on my team to help make that happen. And I had to get REAL about who on our team may not be aligned with my goals and dreams in a big and authentic way. Remember my resolution for Inspired Business? Well I needed to make sure that everyone on Team Tobi was dedicated to that same goal to the same degree that I am. 100%. So as you can imagine, chances are that not everyone is on the same path as me even on my own team.
It wasn’t a personal slight against anyone, but it was a deeply personal decision for me. What I mean is that this is my business, based on my vision, my goals, and my purpose. And I need to decide how to make those goals a reality. And I must have the courage to make any changes necessary to make that happen. But decisions like this always feel like they are personal to all involved, because people and feelings are at stake. I have to say that those 2 team members were graceful under the pressure of this change. They handled it with professionalism and there was no drama. It spoke highly of them and I so totally admire that.
But the only reason I tell you about this situation at all is to help you understand that
people, everyone, I go through these difficult life decisions, just like you do. But somehow so many of you think that it’s only you. You look at others and think, “she has it together and why am I the only one who always struggles with decisions?” But you see, you aren’t the only one. We ALL do. So why are you comparing your “worst” with everyone else’s “best”? It’s not apples to apples.
The difference in being happy or being insecure is HOW we handle these difficult decisions and situations. It’s about learning that “What other people think of you is none of your business.” They have their opinion, and they are entitled to it. But you don’t have to hear it. Or listen to it. Or choose to be affected by it. It’s easy for others who aren’t making the tough decisions to judge yours. It’s easy for them to “cast the first stone.” It’s easy for others to decide whether you are right or wrong when they don’t even know anything about the situation. They weren’t there. They have no idea where you are heading. And it really doesn’t even matter if they do. This is about you.
Only you know what is in your heart. Only you know the path you are on. And only you know what God or the Universe is moving you to do to fully realize your authentic self. Only you have power over your own life.
And wouldn’t it be a shame for you to not reach your fullest potential because you are afraid of what others think?
What if the great leaders in history who have shaped our countries, made medical advances, helped those in need had stopped in their tracks because others thought they were stupid, crazy, silly, insensitive, off-track, selfish or any other number of adjectives or opinions that I am certain were formed about these movers and shakers? What if insecurities stopped them from reaching their dreams? Where would we be today?
I am here to tell you…from one person to another who is trying her best to authentically move down her path in life, one tough decision at a time…”What other people think of you is none of your business.” There will be both lovers and haters of most every decision you make. But all that matters is that you know in your heart that you are making the decision that is right for you and your life. So make it and move on. Worrying about yesterday’s decisions today, will only keep you from your next big leap!
Will these decisions be hard? If you are making the right ones…of course. No one ever said life would be easy. But if you have the guts to make the tough decisions, the rewards will be great. Your impact on the world will be great. And the positive light you shed on so many will be great.
So today I am wishing you the courage to make the tough decisions in your life and not worry about what others think of you. Think of all the people you could be helping, yet fear is stopping you. Fear of what people who already don’t love you will be saying about you? They are saying it anyway. It is really a lose/lose situation if you are basing your life on what others think. The win/win is when you can do what is right for you. And everything else will fall into place just the way it is supposed to.
Sending you Love today.